screeeeam

ISAKAIII WAS HERE HAHHAHAA

Hey sweetie,

YES there is a future and YES Laura can rest.

In our system host died, she was put through too much? I m not sure how to explain.

But - we ve taken over. Elf, Book and Star that is. She did a lot.

So ask around. Is anyone in charge, capable? You can share, you can delegate. Many ways are possible.

Feelings can be hard to deal with. They are allowed tho even when they hurt Laura, she can feel them, in her body, and hold her hand there and know she s there for that feeling so it feels hear d and seen.

Keep talkin to us, I know how confusin this can get.

And if a hospital is needed, make sure it s a good one. There ARE good ones out there. Sometimes it s not about the hospital buta bout the people.

THis will be okay.

Nina11

ISAKAI wuz here. thread vandalism lollerz

point in case

WAIT NINA I remember you well
sorry i erased Rosaschminda's and Laura's and RedOne's reply to you
i have no idea what it said, but it was nice they like you a lot feel a lot in common
oh i got tired of being the one with the sword. real sweaty.

Makes me smile and think of Nina (who died too) and host - they used swords too at some points; THey used flowers too, it was less sweaty and a break.

I relate to you.

I ve mailed you but didn t get a reply, I don t know what I mdoin wrong.

It s hard handlin a sword, take abreak every now and then. I know they did. THis is Elf.

Nina11

we replied

something is weird... nina died?

isaka

Well yes.
Nina wasn t the host, she was one of the alters a young girl. she was the only alter host knew for like years and years.

There were a lot of fights. She was very ill, always, and we were used to her bein ill.

In the end, she finally, after all these years, talked to host and host was civil to her and finally they were gettin along.

We gave them space. Cause we knew she was really goin to return into neurons now. She wouldn t make it in this shape. So host was very upset. After years of fightin, f inally peace and enjoyin each others company and then she had to let her go.

So host used her name as nickname to honour her.

And now host has died too. We re all upset. Me (Elf), book and star are takin over.

You ve spoken to Indie, she s relivin the hell she went through and you were so kind to her. She really appreciated that and tried to contact you cause she didn t know where to turn too as at that point she only trusted host. And with host gone,where to turn to?

She d still like to talk to you. I ll check the mail if I find your mail.

Much love to you

Nina11

I sent you an email just 10-15 mins ago, let m know if it arrived.

Nina and Indie,

we are all fond of them, we feel so much is in common and there's fight and anger at what happened and WHY WHY WHY. I am so angry, so angry and so sad reading your words. I don't want to allow anyone too give up GIVE IN I wish I could hold all of the hands, all of you, all of me

I will grow many hands, I changed my appearance anyway, I was not like I am as a teenager.
I am 13 and have the dresses and feel like a girl, not a monster out of shape. I am the fury if someone wants to hurt, I have so much now and I am an ALTER! But I want to help! My anger is RIGHT!

My sadness is too deep and I want to hold you Indie Nina Elf, even if anyone resists, I have special light hugs, I just touch

I know Nina was not the host, she was sick...I din't know.

I will talk to Indie, we are in this together.


If we can't communicate via PM or email it means someone is interfering. I need to sleuth around and see if someone on my side is being a dumb traitor.

just found your emails so relieved!

Nina is gone - she s really gone - no one can talk to her anymore.

I know what it s like to be overwhelmed by feelings. Host used to deal witht hem and I supported her (I m Elf) but never really knew how bad it could be.

So feel free to share your story on here or on mail.

Again, so relieved we can communicate. Indie is even smiling and that doesn t happen often

She wrote a bit to you and is so happy to have someone to listen to her. I ve talked to her too now (Elf) but we re still very new to each other I guess.

Sendin you gentle hugs if wanted. It sounds as if you r e goin through a hectic time too.
I recall your message on another thread.

I don t know your system full yet,but I can tell there s a lot of anger. ANd I can relate to that. Anger can be so consuming. I don t know always how to let Indie let her anger out.


anyways just wanted you to know I m interested in gettin to know you further and that I recieved the mails and answered

SO happy when I got the email form you guys!


I have this theory we get the Vietnam in our heads, from what has happened, because one of us sees that we are ready to deal with that.

At some point we have to. Even if there's so much pain and fear. FEELINGS ARE GOOD? THEY ARE! Accepting the feelings. And the anger is very important.
I am anger and I will fight for my silly Laura and others because they are just whimpering. They need me so I will take place and it seems I really took over.

Which is good.
Because Laura has BPD and it is like being emotionally immature (no dissing anyne who has it, but we get stuck in the times when we got f*ck#d up and hurt ) and I am 13, so I can be immagture! HAHA!


Indie and Elf are a great team, and Amber, how is she?

Excuse me if I make bad assumptions:

I think Indie has been coming trough for a while and showing images. Indie is carrying the history. Without Indie, healing won't happen. I do not mean death of others or integration even. Just having that face
becoming unimportant
making the Evil little, making him not hurt us anymore
we must protect all of us

I propose an alliance, Indie and me, Isaka and Elf, and whoever feels can stand and lend strenght. Or give rest. Sing songs, hug.

I know such things take time. I don't want to play. But for now, we are in a situation and must cope. So for now, we fight. Even if that means accepting the pain. At least we know.

it took my life from me, from my mother. for more than 10 years I have been searching how to solve the mystery of the flashbacks and body memories and feelings I didn't want to have.

We have an abuser amongst us.
TRIGGER
He made us touch ourselves constantly. Hands in underwear. Even when people were around, and just recently we told him off many times. Maybe it's a woman.

There is a woman who is vile, but maybe we need her for desensitising. I try to see what's best in us. She spend one weekend looking for child pr0n. Luckily she found little because those forums and sites move CONSTANTLY and you have to know some passwords what to type in google. So we told her to stop wasting time. We saw enough. This woman is big lean and taller than most people. She looks down on everyone.

There's something locked up in a chest.

We live in a tower. It has no roof but it never rains. We have no furniture, but it is okay. We sit on stairs. Laura was closing the doors and now she is not. I am considering kicking them open and letting the girl, she is about 5, Ha, to run around in grass. The rest will probably stay inside anyway. The Crow-Raven can fly out anyway for ages.

I told everyone my DID diagnosis was false.
I will do this alone as a revenge, that nobody, nobody helped us when we were so tortured


omg too long, sorry

Isaka, this is Book.

I ve always found host rather weak and Indie and Nina unstable and unable to move on or defend theirselves.

I thought I d be much better.

Then, now I mean, bein at the steer wheel, I ve realised that theyTOO have (had for Nina) their sthrengths and purposes. They TOO have a reason to be there and to be part of the system.

You have every right to be immature! Runnin on the grass is bliss. Me, Elf, is lyin in it right now.

Teamin up? I need to think about what that means,but it sounds interesting.

Indie is very important to all of us
do you mean that?
Yes Indie really.

She gets really insecure.

Amber loves the tower idea cause she s into the movie of tangld right now where rapunzel lives in a tower
she loves to watch it!

I m lookin forward to talk cause me, Elf, feel pretty lonely right now without host.

Love

Nina11