SO with DID

My SO has did and we're both new to it. He's been going through a did crisis, i think it's called, where his alters have been surfacing publicly for the first time, and there's now around 5 that regularly host and a few others that aren't quite so prominent. I've spoken to his ISH and who we see as his protector many times about how I'm doing with the littles and how I can help when certain issues arrive, but I often still feel quite lost and sometimes alone. I love my boyfriend, and although it's only been a short adjusting period I know all of his alters are parts of him, and I love them all too, I's just that obviously it's not him... but it is, and it's not, if you understand what I mean. Sometimes I miss him, in the evenings when I'm cuddling an 8 year old alter on my sofa watching a Disney film, and it's lovely and they're all so sweet. But when I'm craving a cuddle, or I'm tired and I wish he was hosting so he could hold me. Or make me tea. It's difficult, especially because we're both only young. I just want some support really, and some advice. His therapist seems vague and quite unhelpful, and apart from her I am his main support network. The child alters have very specific memories of abuse at an early age, which my SO, the original, has no recollection of. Tomorrow we've got a second appointment with his therapist, and his ISH has suggested I talk to her about it without my SO present, which is fine, I'm just very nervous and I feel like she's going to just dismiss me and upset him by asking him about things he's not consciously aware happened. Would love to talk to some girls who have experience of male SO's with did, although I'm aware there probably aren't many, any support or words of advice would be greatly appreciated. Nancy

Hi Nancy,

You are not alone! There are a bunch of posters here whose significant others are multiples.

Being with a multiple who has a lot of littles switching out front is a lot like being a parent. Although I am a multiple myself, I say that based on my experience of being a parent and spending time with others who are multiples and have this going on. Do you know the safety briefing given to passengers on airplanes? In the event of trouble, take care of yourself first then help the other person. When you need an adult part of your SO to be present with you, say so!

Alex's SO says particular (positive trigger words) to bring specific ones of us out, or actually asks Alex or whoever is present to wake one of us up so we can speak face to face. An exmple would be that when he wants to speak with Alex, he says "alpaca" because she loves alpacas and for some reason, the word makes her front. Try something like this, find things that his different alters love, and if you want to speak to a particular one, suggest doing an activity they like, or eating one of their favourite foods with them if they come out.

Just asking for one of us or bribery works wonders (for any stubborn alters).

n exmple would be that when he wants to speak with Alex, he says "alpaca" because she loves alpacas and for some reason, the word makes her front.

Kinda off-topic but just had to say this works wonders for us too. Say the word "llama" and Frida pops right out cause she loooves them