A plan-how I m dealin with the turmoil

short introduction:
Nina died 24th january.
This caused a lot of turmoil in the system-
New alters came, others went.

Dealing with the loss, dealing with a traumatised alter.

As for now this is the plan.

Me, meaning Elf takes over with Book and Star.

Amber is very upset. I gave her a pretty dress, a tree to climb. I tried to hold her hand when she was sobbing out loud but she crawled away.
I tried to let a friend come over and calm her but he only wanted to talk to me (Elf) and ignored her as most people do.
She s spoken to another friend, he did acknowledge her, so the plan is to let her talk to him and on here on the littles thread.

Indie is out of control.
Trigger warning:
she needs blood.
I gave her pastels and crayons to work it out.
She communicates through images of tortured rabbits. Someone already suggested this could be symbolic. As for warmth and luck and things she misses out on.
This was indeed symbolic, she communicated a shelter. The room she is in now is covered in blood and looks a lot like the room where she went through hell. She didn t want the clouds we let her draw earlier either. So a shelter it is. I m gonna build a little place with a stool and blankets and let her be with music.

I hope that will calm the both of them down.

The others are shaken too but are willin to give them space.

As for dyin: yes the host is dead. She s lyin there still. I can hear her voice, no one else can. This is a transformation and I know it ll be okay.

The system is shuttin down now.

update:

amber is relieved to see people consider her real here. this is def a safe place

fabio is tryin to speak out too-which was appropriate and not -well lets leave the past the past

indie loved her little shelter (fleece blankie over chair, body curled under chair, watchin youtube)

for a first in long she felt safe.

she still wanted
trigger warning
blood tho
end trigger warning

did switch on the phone and a friend called us demons and we had to come to god then we got a fit - convulsions and blackouts and he kept talkin about god finally elf got the sense to hang up.



apart from that, gonna give it another tryt omorrow.

Thx for anyone followin.

Nina11

God this night has been hell! How did host did all this stuff?

Had a good chat with a friend who knows Amber and she was able to talk and then he told me she needs attention but not the kind I was givin (presents) but playin and time together.

She did calm down.

But then there was Indie. I told her to stay in her hole.

And the animals need to be taken care of too! Guess who knows how to handle them?? Amber! I thought she was too little to know of hosts death, now she s helpin me out dealin with Orka and Shark. Such a relief!

Body is in bad shape. But Star does his best.

It sounds terrible. Terrible.

Nina11 wrote:God this night has been hell! How did host did all this stuff?

Had a good chat with a friend who knows Amber and she was able to talk and then he told me she needs attention but not the kind I was givin (presents) but playin and time together.

She did calm down.

But then there was Indie. I told her to stay in her hole.

And the animals need to be taken care of too! Guess who knows how to handle them?? Amber! I thought she was too little to know of hosts death, now she s helpin me out dealin with Orka and Shark. Such a relief!

Body is in bad shape. But Star does his best.

Im very new here, but ive been following your journey, I really feel for you it sounds terrible. Absolutedly terrible ordeal, but youre all doing an excelent job Im sure. Takes a huge ammount of courage and strength to step up in a crisis and do what needs to be done and that tells me alot about you all.

thx so much for readin up.

It s been so hectic. For a first I understand how hard this has been on host. How much she has endured.

The animals alone will take days to sort out. I m glad Book is steppin up and star does a brill job for the body.
How did she ever did all thsi stuff?

I feel rather upset that she s done all this for so long. But she s at peace now, I can tell that. And I know she s fine. I just do.

OMG what a day.

Book never knew it was that hard keepin focus durin conversations, but he did well. Yes he forgot where he was a few times but friends were comprehensive.

Got great advice why orka,shark and dolphin were so hostile. Will talk to them somehow in a minute.

And... this is huge .... Indie talked for a first ... without flashbacks.

Will update later.

OMG I m exhausted.

I had it all backwards.

I had assured the buffalos they were STILL very valuable and welcome and needed and thought the same was needed for Orka, Shark and Dolphin but Orka got hostile.
It frightened me. He s huge.

So I asked Amber for advice. She s so little, I don t want to burden her, but she knows how to handle the animals.

Guess what? They were supporting host, and now they want to support me.

Does that mean I m a good person?

For a first I cried and cried for host. She did so much work. But Orka, Dolphin and Shark were amazin, the waterworld too. GOD

Madness. *shakes head*
This is Fabio.

Elf faded. He lays in a crystal coffin on the sacred ground where host was before and where Nina was before host.

Great. He was holdin it all together.

BUT I ve found a way to tap into his knowledge. Bad news: the abusive alters are on our trail; lookin for the kids. I ve sent them under cover IMMEDIATELY.
So anythin they like is avoided right now, cause if they show up we have trouble.

They don t know who s hidin them so I won t tell on here either.THey do know me and followed me to the animal world creatin chaos. I told them that I would deal with them on Sunday.

I m gonna use Elfs knowledge. If that s not enough, we re in big trouble.

I m off to help the animals further and to make sure the rest of the mind stays okay.

Book is gone, he became see through. Star is dryin out. He s basically almost gone too.

This is not what was supposed to happen.

I m used to party and have fun, I ve never had this much control ever and not sure whether I m doin a good job. But cryin won t get me anywhere, work needs to be done;

Please, if you lit candles,please lit one for us


Love

Nina11

can you try to find out or work on finding possible explanations or reasons for why this may be happening? for what reasons there may be for the host "dying", and then elf "dying"? could they be integrating somewhere inside? could they be being reborn as seemingly "new" alters? could they simply be in a very deep sleep, but it is shown and is symbolized by death inside?

and then the main stuff to work on, why is this happening? was there something that happened that may have caused these changes to start, like something extremely stressful or a traumatic event or something? was there something that may have triggered this? is this possibly the work of an introject or abuser, or is this happening because abusers are surfacing/coming perhaps? could this be happening for reasons like perhaps the system is reconstructing, or "remodeling", or something? could there be changes and/or developments happening inside that needed the host and elf to "die"?


for the first few days on my own, i'd ask questions, try to communicate, and get nothing. then, finally, i heard faint snippets from hawk, saying stuff like, "there are developments and changes going on that won't happen if we're there", and "your inner world can't develop if we're there", and such. (but then all this cassidy stuff started happening and threw everything off-course it seems and threw everyone for a loop, too). could it be that maybe this is the process your system goes through for a host change, or something?




best of luck with everything. hang in there. is there any way you could have the others help you at all? could you maybe "enlist" the animal alters as like, animal protectors or something to help with the coming thread of abuser alters? take some of the worry off your shoulders?

hope things get better soon. i know they will eventually, because nothing stays the same forever, but i hope it happens sooner rather than later.




- cassie (age ?)

ELf is gone now, Book has faded and is gone.
Star is dyin.

I tried to revive him but failed.

Took care of the animals thanks to the amazin help of people on here- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I don t know what set this off. Not at all. WIth the death of Nina host thought this was trauma work bein done.
But with us. She dealt with us, found some balance; then weakened and ... died.
She s back in the subconcious.

Now Elf had found two abusive alters. Are they the reason behind this? I m seein them tomorrow. Do they hol d the answers? Will they make the transformation after all?

ELf said host needed a transofrmation, but she never transformed. Somethin went wrong and no none nows wot.

I need a beer.

Fabio