Communication failure *tw*

My boyfriend did something that ended up triggering Birch. *tw*
He went to kiss me at first, and as he came close to me, I got a flashback from a really traumatic 'dream?' and I told him kind of what the dream was about, but it was really hard because it makes me so ashamed to even speak of it, and then i went into the Inner world for a bit to discuss why that particular flashback came up (even though it was never originally mine to begin with) and when we came out, (he says someone [that he thought was me] made kissy lips at him so he took that as a go-ahead) he kissed me again, and then Birch suddenly got triggered and i had to fight to keep him from s*rangling my boyfriend, and was successful at first, but then he kissed us again, and it took me by surprise and Birch came out and flipped sh*t and now i feel so bad.

*end tw* how we're sitting here with a really confused boyfriend and i can't even tell him what all happened because it feels like my own brain is blocking the words and I can't connect to the mouth, and my head is getting all fuzzy and i can't find the words.

How can i get past this blockage? we both agree that he needs to be more 'in the loop' but there are some things that we just can't speak about.
I hope this was enough information for someone to be able to help.

Maybe you should just get up and walk take a break to collect yourselves... your BF just explain sometimes things you can't explain they are upsetting, personal and sometimes you are all going to have to get up and leave. you don't have to tell him reassure him it's okay just give me breathing time...you need to relax get yourselves in order before you attempt this.

I completely understand what has happened to you.

In my case, I'm usually on the other side of the story, as my girlfriend is the one with DID.

I understand that it's really hard to sepak about a lot of things, and even harder to make someone from the outside understand what you're trying to say.

At this moment I can't think of many ideas to help you because I'm currently going through some problems myself, but I can give you a little advice.

I suggest that you try to tell him what he should avoid doing. It's hard to explain sometimes, but at least, give him some tips to recognize when one of your alters may be out, and what can trigger them. If you feel you are about to switch, try to give him a quick signal (a pre-arranged signal may work better than you expect).
And, if you are about to go inside, try to inform him first, and also tell him when you're at the front again (so he doesn't get confused meanwhile).

And when you want to communicate, probably face-to-face will be really hard with some topics, so it might be better to try to write it down. Not neccessary to explain everything, but at least key-words or small sentences. Something that will help him understand, something provisory.
Later, when you've calmed down, it will be easier. Maybe you won't be able to explain everything, but at least, give him enough to stay calm and understand a bit more about what's going on.


And, lastly, ask your alters for help. Try to convince them to help you communicate, they will help you get through those blockades.

That is the best I can think of now, and I realised that some of the advice I gave you probably wasn't related to what you were asking ._.
I hope it was still of some help...

~Secret~

Thank you, the alternate perspective is actually very enlightening. We will try to do this soon and hopefully all will become calmer.

I feel so... ashamed of my reaction. I didn't mean to hurt him, I just lost control. It's not an excuse and I have failed her as a protector again. I should have been able to block the memory before it hit her, or controlled myself instead of being weak and relying on her to have to deal with me.
Words can not express this shame.