And another push back

Ghastly wrote:

Hornet339 wrote:I know how you're feeling. I'm fighting denial right now. I've had so much proof, but I never feel like it's enough. They won't just do something really noticable. I wish they would just write me something or...something! Coconciousness isn't enough anymore.

I know how you feel. I get like this alot.

Ask them to help you they will.

I'm constantly going through this too. Hope things get better

I can relate. This is Elf typin, but when someone calls hosts name i still respond. THen I think well, I must be her then after all

I was able to talk to hosts father without switchin and thought look I m fine.

Then was on my own again and switched.

This is a confusin condition and sometimes it seems too much to be true.

I m sorry your SO made you feel not believed to exist. We all deserve to exist and be there. It s a primal right.

Love

Nina11

i wan be real but she says im no real. Becca is other mommy (The SO. She seems to have taken to calling her "mommy.") and i thot she no think i was real becuz she got told i was no real but den i tawk to her and she know im real now.

You are very real. Whoever is you, YOU are real, because you are. Because you exist. Because you think (this is from some great philosopher in the past, I think).

I do believe you. The whole of you. I believe you are being truthful. I believe you intent to get better. I believe you (all) want to be heard, in the end. And I believe you want good.

Whatever condition you may end up with.

-us?

Familyof3 wrote:

Ghastly wrote:

Hornet339 wrote:I know how you're feeling. I'm fighting denial right now. I've had so much proof, but I never feel like it's enough. They won't just do something really noticable. I wish they would just write me something or...something! Coconciousness isn't enough anymore.

I know how you feel. I get like this alot.

Ask them to help you they will.

I'm constantly going through this too. Hope things get better

Im searching right now for answers. Im trying to reach out to them (if they are there) Ive written it down. Ive emailed myself, Ive sat down in the dark and quiet and just told them I NEED help.

that im not coping anymore, cant do it anymore without help.

But its all feelings, i just feel different feelings and its not enough for me to think of it as anything other than....myself? I know if I had DID they would actually be parts of me, and I of them....but its like if i dont hear voices or watch myself move not of my own accord i just cant beleive it.

I know that feeling too. I always wonder if I'm just imagining these feelings coming from them and that THEY aren't really feeling them. I also wonder if the voices are just self talk or something. I dunno. It drives me crazy, though. I can't handle the idea of them not being real, though. It's depressing really.

Hornet339 wrote:I know that feeling too. I always wonder if I'm just imagining these feelings coming from them and that THEY aren't really feeling them. I also wonder if the voices are just self talk or something. I dunno. It drives me crazy, though. I can't handle the idea of them not being real, though. It's depressing really.

pretty much the exact same thing that keeps me from going into complete denial. Birch is constantly consoling/arguing with me that it's just denial speaking when I get like this and that deep inside I know we are real, or else if I was a faker, I would realize I was faking it, then i would be able to just stop [transitioning ect].

I told you to attempt to override yourself and see how that works for you as your proof.

This may offer perspective or just seem rude or off topic. I wish I could go back to being in denial because what I experience far more often is an awareness that I, the long dominant host, am made up. I remember arriving in the body as an alter at a very young age, I realize how out of step I am with the full expression of our nature, and I recognize some others as more genuinely representative of the person we should have become if there were no abuse. In my readings of DID biographies, it's completely normal, and understandable, that hosts for a long time continue to feel or believe they are the real person who is making everyone else up. It's how DID works for most of us, it was originally protective, and it's where we get stuck. But DID hosts are, I would claim universally, limited parts of the whole. As you begin to discover the traits and abilities distributed among alters which are not found or found to that degree in you, the host -- for example, the ability to speak one's mind, emotional resilience, a sex drive, the ability to remain calm, social skills, playfulness, the ability to hold and express emotions, the ability to connect with others, courage, whatever -- it's easier to move away from "they aren't real and I'm making them up" to "I see them and I want what they have."

This may offer perspective or just seem rude or off topic. I wish I could go back to being in denial because...

I relate to wishing I could go back to denial.

We've written about this before and here is a quote from a differnet thread, about "Do you ever to a point where you don't question having DID?":

Honestly?
**trigger warning**
Not anymore [e.g we no longer doubt]. And it hurts way more than the denial ever hurt us. I wish we could go back to having a break from it. The psychological break of "I don't have this". Just 5 minutes not to stare reality in the face that this, this is what we have to deal with. This huge, gaping (w)hole of pain and sadness and memories. I wish we had never lost the ability to deny it. It creeps up for give or take 3-5 seconds here and there, but so swiftly it's just "no, we know what this is..". I wish we hadn't got to this point, honestly. Hopefully, the ability to deny this (this even coming from me, who's known full well about the DID for years and years - I just see how it affects the rest of the system to know) will come back. It's been gone for some time now, but I do hope so. Denial was always so painful, but compared to this, I'd rather take that.
**trigger warning end**

But that's just us - others are much more tormented by the denial than the knowing. I think it depends a lot about what your fears are and what you gain from the denial. hope you get to a point where you don't deny this, as it is obviously very distressing to you. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey to healing.

Best of luck. Thinking of you (all).

Johnny-Jack wrote:it's easier to move away from "they aren't real and I'm making them up" to "I see them and I want what they have."

I've always felt like that. Recognized from the start there were abilities hidden in parts that I did not have or to a lesser degree. Maybe it has helped dealing with denial.

Another thing that helps is that whenever I start to question, someone takes control (or has already control), makes sure he/she won't get pushed out and asks to take over - the I see the proof again. I'm not the only one. I can't control myself. Some other part is controlling. And is doing things. And I can't stop it. So it has to be true.

lifelongthing wrote:

Just 5 minutes not to stare reality in the face that this, this is what we have to deal with.

This is one of the reasons I'm addicted. For a moment, I forget every personal problem - including dissociation and possible trauma (possible body memories even).