To diagnos, or not to diagnose?

Naurore wrote:More than anything, the concern is this: Will we be viewed automatically as an unfit parent?

This is a very real concern we all have but for most of us it is pure anxiety, nothing more. If you are a good enough parent, that will be readily apparent and there will be no question of your fitness. Are you functioning adequately as a parent? That is what matters, with or without any diagnosis.

As far as my daily life is concerned no one has any idea I have ever spoken to a psychotherapist, unless I tell them so myself. Nor does anyone have any idea what is going on with me, unless I tell them. I don't tell most people.

On the other hand, I have told many people and the general reaction has been good. Some people were a little weird for a few weeks or months but got over it. Even knowing what is going on with me, most people don't notice anything. A few people do notice; they are empathic, and a high proportion of them have DID too. I find it helps to assure people that as far as the rest of the world is concerned, this new information about me changes nothing. I have been this way all my life.

I am out to a number of people at work. Someone there who has a background in prison work but who scarcely knows me did have a bit of a panic attack or something about my label. This person expressed concern to my supervisors and as a result I had an interview and a background check. Now I feel quite secure! If anything, my value has increased.

My being open has meant that a few other people with DID or who care about someone else with DID have felt safe enough to self-disclose to me and ask for help.

I am not suggesting that everyone get as far out of the closet as I am. I am only saying that this is how far I am out now and what the result has been. I took very small steps to get this far, and before each disclosure I thought about it. Sometimes I thought about it for weeks or months. In some cases I decided not to disclose.

I have only very recently been diagnosed. I can say that, so far, it is all positive. It has helped validate my experiences, and also helped me to recognise when another 'part' is triggered, and support and reassure them instead of stuffing it all back down. So that helps with my overall functioning. As far as parenting is concerned, I have the same anxieties as you. Could this be used against me in court if my husband and I ever separated? Is there a possibility of an alter coming out who could harm my child? It's scary stuff. As Una says, if you are a 'good enough' parent, it will be obvious to people. I personally also intend to tell other people who are caring for my child (nurseries, schools) about my diagnosis because I want there to be support outside the family. There were too many secrets in my childhood and I had no-one to turn to. I don't want that for my child. And in that case, a formal diagnosis helps because I can just tell people, 'I have this'. Yes, I am anxious about their possible reactions, but I think overall diagnosis and being open is a positive thing. And, as Una says, you only need to tell who you want to tell.

Owleyes wrote:As far as parenting is concerned, I have the same anxieties as you. Could this be used against me in court if my husband and I ever separated?

Here the most compelling argument we have in our defense would be that although the diagnosis may be new, the condition is not. That is a very strong argument. We have been multiple since childhood. You were a multiple when your husband first met you, when he chose to marry you, and when he chose to have children with you. If he tries to use against you this or any other pre-existing condition that you may have, he can only discredit himself. This is especially true if you disclose the diagnosis now and only years later does he decide he wants to separate.

Furthermore, far more people have a problem than are diagnosed. To seek diagnosis, and then to risk humiliation by disclosing the diagnosis, shows that you are a mature, responsible adult who has the self-awareness to recognize you have a problem and the strength and wisdom to face that problem directly. This can only be to your credit.

In short, it seems to me that the best way to reduce the risk of a diagnosis being used against you later is to disclose it sooner.

yes, get diagnosed.
it will bring a lotta good feelings and as others said- validation, and also pain, not gonna bluesky you. but you are on a path to become better, and finding a good DID therapist is a great moment in life.