4th day of being out alone and feeling weird...

How are you doin Cassie? You ve been on my mind a lot.

Love

Nina11

overall, i guess i've been ok...

lots of stuff has been going on. (wrote about it here: descending into madness: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic109859.html) so right now i'm just trying to take it one day at a time.


it's been... at least a month, now, from what i can figure, that the others haven't been around and it's mostly just been me. though it feels like it's been months. each week feels like a month. and yet there never seems to be enough time to do anything either. wish it was one or the other, time either went by fast or went by slow, not a mix of the two. for the past week or so i guess it's mostly been me and cassidy, but i've still been the one out, cassidy's just been close by or something. shay or cassandra, or sometimes hawk will be able to pop in every once in a while, but it never lasts long. prism has been able to be out with me sometimes, but again, never lasts long.


i haven't been able to really work on any inner world stuff with dealing with cassidy lately, but when i feel up to it, i'll definitely be resuming trying to find or create or get the hang of going into my/an inner world.


other than that, just trying to stay positive, trying to work on communication when i can because the intercom and web cam communication stuff has gotten a bit better already, and trying to be understanding/patient as the others continue to not be here... (i miss them...)


- cassie (age ?)

I can so relate.
I mean, yea, Elf could get boring yea, but he was like huge and powerful.

Book was just so strong and angry, and Star kept the body goin.

I miss lesly a lot cause she was my pall an we could laugh.
And host.

Today I could sense Elf gently. But almost nothin.

I miss them too, so much.

Creatin an innder world isn t easy. I m just sayin: keep talkin.. I m here. Fabio

thank you...


luna ended up being nearby today. close enough to sing to music i was listening to for a little bit. same with l.c.

shay ended up being close later on for a short time.

so that was nice.

cassandra has been in and out over web cam or whatever it is we have inside.


felt/feel very dissociated all day though. just kinda here, but not really.

cassidy was close by all day, and still is close by.
she even put red lipstick in a big, joker-from-batman-like-smile on our face and put black eye makeup circles around our eyes before i got in the shower this morning. least it was before the shower so i could wash it off easily.
and then she picked out some of the clothes we wore.
i kept my hair down the way i wanted it though. and i picked out the shirt.


and still getting the emotion flashes and urges to do stuff. but not as strongly as before.


and i think that's about it for now...


- cassie (age ?)

We're thinking of you. I'm glad to hear some alters have come back for a little while now

it's been seeming to go back and forth between just me being out, me and shay being out, and then me shay and cassandra being out

but for the most part it still seems to be just me out

unless shay's in the background without me knowing it

that could be possible

either way still feels rather lonely...

i wish things would go back to how they used to be...




- cassie (age ?)

seems like it's mostly me today

shay's in the background i think as usual

and then rapid switching is also going on with others like shay and cassandra and for the first time in a very long while, kat

possible switching with others going on that's not yet been noticed

so should be interesting day i guess...

still miss how things used to be...




- cassie (age ?)

today's been interesting

others have been out, switches have been happening

short spurts of co-concsiousness and co-hosting

have a feeling it won't last for long but that's ok

it's nice to have some "normal" stuff happening again


(oh and some notes to expand on later:

-- shay found out her element is wind

-- shay found out she has powers inside and found out how to use them

-- shay found out she can make everyone on every level anywhere inside or outside hear her/a certain noise only she can make

-- shay was battling with cassidy using wind stuff/powers without hurting her- just forcing her to pay attention mainly and stuff)





- cassie (age ?)

i'm glad shay posted about it so i don't have to expand the notes i wrote.

so for more details about the notes about shay, you can read the post in this thread: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic109859-50.html




today the twins were around.

but it was mainly because luna was experiencing flashbacks.

*trigger warning*
our cycle started today and luna always has troubles with flashbacks during that time
*end trigger warning*


and neither of the twins wanted to eat (but i eventually got us to eat)

prism was around for a short time today too. that was kinda nice.

other than that it's still mostly me.

although i'm starting to think shay is like, always around. i think most of the time she's so far "in the background" though that i'm not aware of her and can't see her or anything. but i think she's almost always there.



thinks that's all the updates for now... least that i can think of right now


oh and hawk either found a new alter/fragment or kat's de-aging/age sliding. doesn't know which one yet.

(cassandra's reaction: "oh joy..." )


- cassie (age ?)

If the name is Shadow, it is not wonder she shadows you all - there yet not, when sunlight shines you might not see, but the shadow is still right behind.

Thinking of you all.