Searching for answers *trigger warning*

Hi I'm here after posting elsewhere and receiving a reply from salted lipstick and reading quite a bit, the more I read the more it shed light on what could be wrong with me... Though at the same time I'm still not sure. Before I go any further I just want to say that there may be details in what I'm about to type that could cause some people issues and I apologise if it does, when I was young I felt very much pushed away by my mother she always had somethingore important to do the man she decided to see when I was about 4 physically abused me and this went on a few years when I was about 7 I was sexually abused by our neiboughs 14 year old son I blocked a lot of this out purposely choosing to forget it happened but I never dealt with it really. Something I've come to realise is despite a definite heterosexual personal choice there is a part of me that is VERY interested in males... This isn't coming out how I wanted it to it sounds like I'm trying to make excuses for homosexual tendencies but that's not what I'm trying to portray... These urges are like a completely separate part of me the same as when the voice in my head starts urging me to hurt myself again and convincing me I'm worth nothing it's not something I want to do and for the most part I resist it but it has lead to my hospitalization in the past. Erratic behaviour, one minute I'm all set I know what I need to do the next minute I'm doing what I know I shouldn't be and getting side tracked so easily leads to complications quite often. I don't know, and I guess that's why I'm here what do you guys think?

Hello there!

I m by no means a professional. But did want to say that pushin away memories can lead to dissociative signs.

The fact that you experience things you can t relate with yourself, could mean that another alter inside wants these things.

I know that there is a difference between psychosis and dissociation, but I believe that if this is your experience, this is true for you, no matter what anyone else can say.

Not sure how helpful that was.

I hope someone else can give you more answers.

The best of luck!

thank you for your input i guess really i know, and have known for a while that i have DID (though i've always said MPD) not that any professional will say i do except maybe my old psychologist but none besides him have ever really gained my trust enough to get me to talk about it.. i used to be able to identify 4 alters and back then things were relitively ok things seemed balanced though now it's just a big confusing mess that where i can't pick one from another and the waves of emotion bought on by them happen suddenly without warning and sometimes with force enough that it's nearly sends me into violent outbursts... i really do hate the way things are now i am nearly constantly drowning in negative emotions the only relief is from the 1 alter i can still pick out and that actually seems to be a cat, i get hyper when he managers to come out but it's the only time i even get a chance to feel anything besides stress or anger or sadness

something that i have become very scared of is i know my "protector" is tryirng to push my partner away, it's always been the same like that trying to stop me from hurting both by other people and from hurting myself but i really do love her and i don't want it to happen, she means the world to me and i don't want my condition to ruin that.

these threads might be helpful to you. if i were you i'd see if i "match" symptoms, can identify with experiences, and stuff like that, and if you can, then i'd look more into the possibility of you have DID.


this thread has resource websites that explain stuff good (at least i think so) and has organized threads from this forum that talk about wondering if you have DID, symptoms, common questions, discovery experiences, all about alters, about inner worlds, memory issues, communicating with alters, doubt/denial issues, and much more:
-- DDNOS/DID Resources: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html



this thread focuses more on the "causes" of DID, DID development, switching/co-consciousness/co-hosting (what they are and can be like), doubt/denial, and has a couple good threads on communicating/accepting/understanding/working with alters:
-- For all who question how they have DID/think their's is odd: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic104081.html


best of luck with everything.


- cassie (age ?)