coping with bad feelings

So, I don't really know now how to cope with these feelings that keep popping up. I've become addicted for that reason (dissociative-identity/topic106765.html) (at least, that's the main reason). Now, it seems this forum has (temporarily) become a different way of hiding feelings. Which is a bit better, but still not really right.

The feelings are possibly caused by past trauma/memories, but I'm not yet sure whether it are memories.

I've found one way that can really help: music. Music helps me stabilize (even before I knew there were these feelings). Sometimes, I just ask everyone to insert the songs they want (by generally not allowing more than one song of each album after each other). This can lead to quite strange playlists (first pop, then heavy/black metal anyone?). This seems to help more sometimes.

So, my question really is, are there any other (more safe/productive) ways to cope with these feelings? It aren't really flashbacks most of the times (although, sometimes, suddenly I get 'caught up' or something in it). It is just that continuous hiding of those feelings. I've always kept myself busy with something, or forcefully thought about my addiction (which was always to hide things, I think). And whenever I'm not busy, often I just space out (I think) / numb out.

Then they say you need to figure out what it is that you are feeling and then express it somehow. Um... I also read about what is the cause of bad feelings. Is it something you can fix, or is it something you can't? If it is something you can, it is best to fix that.

Otherwise, you are working at dealing with the feeling. I find that it helps to tailor what you do to what you are feeling. E.g., if you are scared, do comforting things (after you have gotten out of dangerous situation if you are in one). Otherwise, more generically, what I usually see as recommendations are art, dance, music, or writing (have to talk about feelings though in writing) - creative activities.

Hello,

I ve suffered and still do from lots of different types of anxiety etc.

Things that helped me (along music, which is great!- I m glad you find it useful too )

First: I allow the feeling. I don t fight it anymore. This means you tell yourself: I m scared/angry/ ... but that s okay. It s okay to feel this.
Second: picture where you feel this emotion in your body. Is your throat tight, your stomach achy, your pelvis,....
Third: put your hand where you feel this feelin, and take deep breaths. Recognise that this feeling needs you to be there, and that s wha tyou re doin by puttin your hand there: be there.

I find it very relaxing.

Breathin exercises can be done too. if you want some, I can mail them. It s easy and it calms you down - eventually

I m not sure if this was of any help?

I m sorry to read you ve got an addiction now. Life can be hard, and sometimes it s very hard dealin with it.

Love

Nina11

Ow, I hadn't said it - the bad feelings come from possible abuse memories. Not really from fear, maybe body memories or slight flashbacks (only getting the feeling back). So, calming down will probably only make it worse (because then I get a clear mind and then the feelings are able to come back, so to say).

** Trigger warning **
I've got feelings of being raped, and got mental images of it. I'm not sure whether they are real (they feel real, but it's such a huge thing, I'm not gonna accept it that easily).
** End **

Anyway, real or not, the feelings are there. And I don't really know how to deal with them. I can't really solve them (whenever it happened, I was probably very young, so ... huh? parts don't agree I've got away from the unsafe place Do they mean at home? Well, I don't really believe that...). So, I can't do much with it now (told my therapist about it, working on it.) Maybe I can process things, but I don't think it's a good idea to try that on my own.

I've tried writing things down, or otherwise processing it, but it just doesn't seem to come. I think it's too much to handle at once, and too 'unprocessed' to just write it down. Other forms of art - I've sometimes tried it but it doesn't really work. So, art doesn't really work to process things ATM.

A thing that may be related, I don't have much feelings. Never had much. (normal) memories with feelings attached are a strange thing to me. Maybe, because having that would be too overwhelming? When getting possible flashbacks, I mostly have the expression of the emotion (people would think I have pain, for example), but I still don't really feel it (maybe this is to make it not too overwhelming).

Nina, hmm, I have sometimes fear, but the feeling of fear is hidden (I think). So, there's not much to calm down. Anyway, thank you for the support.

Hm... as far as that goes, you may want to look for help dealing with flashbacks... And it sounds like you may need to do some work about creating safety?

One thing I heard to deal with flashbacks is to remind yourself that you are not in that situation anymore. Sort of highlight the differences in your current surroundings in your mind. Say that you are safe if it's true. Actual processing of the memories you are flashing back to sounds like it is something to do in therapy.

Otherwise, here are some links for ideas/grounding techniques:
http://sarahkreece.blogspot.com/2011/10 ... iques.html
http://sarahkreece.blogspot.com/2011/10 ... -kits.html (This one also has a link to a pdf of a list of some possible strategies.)

Thank you. I'll read those pages. I've sometimes tried calming techniques, but not really. Maybe it indeed helps.

I don't really get flashbacks normally. It's just there, in the background, constantly reminding me of pain, unless I'm busy with something. Maybe grounding helps dealing with that haunting pain.

Are you sure there isn't a physical basis?

Like, that there's something physically wrong now? No, I don't think so. For various reasons (it started with horrible flashes, it may be started by a trigger, etc.)

And, I wouldn't know what kind of physical cause this might have ?

I called it pain - it's mainly emotional pain (whatever the cause). Normally not physical.

Um... I wasn't sure because it sounded pretty constant when you weren't busy... Not that I know what would cause something like that either.

What comforts you? (or the part that carries the pain?)

I seriously have no idea what would comfort me. I think I space out whenever I try to calm down (at least, I think this is called spacing out). Hmm. Let's think. What do I do when I don't feel well. Sometimes, I just listen to music. Often, I give in to my addiction. I make sure I feel good on other parts (adjust temperature, eat something etc.) Other than that... I don't think there's much more I do.

Maybe I should go to the GP once, just to be sure it isn't anything physical. It is indeed very constant. But I've always connected it to the mental images I'm getting. Because, then it gets far stronger.