Advice?

I m so glad to have found this place!

The past months have been so hectic and I don t know what to do.

I ve had an alter ever since age 17 or somethin, but never considered her as such.
Two months ago other alters appeared and introduced themselves.

It s been a time of fighting, arguments and struggles. Everyone wanted to be in control of the body apart from Elf, the only one I thought appropriate.
I ve told them I d happy change places, but they agreed I was best fit to handle practical things like administration etc and social contact.
Even so, some of them want the body to themselves every now and then, and somehow that upsets me.

Ever since I ve struggled.

For now I have two questions:

One: new alters keep poppin up, I find it uncomfortable, painful and very hard. I don t know how much more I can take. Is there a maximum? Will this continue?
I try to take care of everyone, but by now we re with ten alters and a huge amount of animals.
I try to deal with the alters. First I tried rewards and punishments, but that didn t work. I tried to make a half an hour a day available for all of them, but they didn t stick by that time. They took over every no wand then (they think it s fun) in the midst of a conversation with a friend. Very inconvenient and annoyin.
One of them keeps frightenin me with compulsive and neurotic thoughts. For some reason he s stopped. I m grateful,but I just don t know what I can do to keep the peace!

Two: a new alter, Indie, appeared. She s got only a face, with huge eyes and no mouth. She doesn t speak, but she carries so much pain, it s unbearable. I can t take it. It s too much and so overwhelming. I asked the others if there was somethin I could do, but they say she just needs to be here. That s all she needs. Be there and be acknowledged.
But ... It s too much to bear. I don t know how to ease this burden?

Nina11 wrote:One: new alters keep poppin up, I find it uncomfortable, painful and very hard. I don t know how much more I can take. Is there a maximum? Will this continue?
I try to take care of everyone, but by now we re with ten alters and a huge amount of animals.

Calm down, take a deep breath, it's all going to be okay! There isn't a maximum to how many alters you can have and whether or not it will continue depends on your system and whether or not they are needed.

It's hard to take care of everyone by your self, and you shouldn't have to. My system is very small but I know of others who have much larger systems. When this happens it's necessary to have rules, people to enforce the rules, and a sort of "government". DID is a very personal disorder and is different for everyone. Which means you may have to try different methods to see what works for you.

One option is to have one person in charge who makes all of the decisions, rules, etc. And then have people underneath them who enforce it, basically a group of volunteers to be "police".
Or you can have a group of leaders who "rule" together and collaborate, they can be voted in. Or you can break up the responsibility and have certain people be in charge of certain things. Such as, communications between alters, taking care of inner conflicts, making decisions about the outside/inside life. Titles I've heard are administrators, managers, etc. there's a sort of hierarchy that helps keep everyone organized.

New System Order (this is an example of how roles were split up between everyone) dissociative-identity/topic107461.html

It sounds as if you're feeling cramped and as if your alters are too. Everyone's inner world is different, and some don't really have one, but if you do it may help to explore yours and make certain sections or houses for certain people. My inner world is actually very large and most of my alters have their own worlds that they can decide who to let in. We also have a general area where everyone is welcome. It's nice to have space and room to breathe.

Creating safety (discusses how to create safety/a safe place): dissociative-identity/topic106582.html

Nina11 wrote:I try to deal with the alters. First I tried rewards and punishments, but that didn t work. I tried to make a half an hour a day available for all of them, but they didn t stick by that time. They took over every no wand then (they think it s fun) in the midst of a conversation with a friend. Very inconvenient and annoyin.

Usually this means that the alters want attention or they don't feel that they're getting enough time out. The main thing when it comes to DID is communication. In my system we have a room that is specifically for group meetings. There's a large table for everyone to sit and then off to the side there's couches for our more laid back meetings. Usually we hold a monthly meeting just to see how everyone is doing or if they have anything they want to say, it's mandatory for everyone in the system. It's a safe place specifically for sharing feelings, thoughts, and ideas.

These are some threads Tomboy24 has listed that have been helpful to others.

What was it like when you first realized? (discusses peoples' experiences when they first realized they had DID/alters, first started communicating, etc).: dissociative-identity/topic99442.html


Hearing Your Alters:http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic97632.html


Advice? (deals with contacting and communicating with alters): dissociative-identity/topic99713.html

Nina11 wrote:Two: a new alter, Indie, appeared. She s got only a face, with huge eyes and no mouth. She doesn t speak, but she carries so much pain, it s unbearable. I can t take it. It s too much and so overwhelming. I asked the others if there was somethin I could do, but they say she just needs to be here. That s all she needs. Be there and be acknowledged.
But ... It s too much to bear. I don t know how to ease this burden?

I unfortunately don't much advice about this situation but hopefully someone else will be able to answer it. Most likely, this alter took the brunt of whatever trauma you went through. It sounds as if she wants help and wants to be recognized. If you find it overwhelming being around her imagine what she must be feeling? Her pain may lessen if you try to communicate and understand her, or find an alter who is able to do this if it's too overwhelming. Some systems have alters who are therapists and if one your alters feels they can feel this role maybe they can help. Sorry, that's all I've got

It can be scary and uncomfortable at first when alters are pushy and seem out of control, but once you learn more about everyone, yourself and your system it becomes easier and things begin to run more smoothly. I hope it gets better for you, Best wishes to you all!

Remember, each alter is part of you, and none should be considered 'more important' than others. There is no such thing as an original from which the other alters split. The host, the main one out, which you are from what I read, may not even be the strongest (but is normally considered the one who is best suited to handle day-to-day situations). Or the most important (this last one may be the hardest to take in, when you've always only been aware of 'yourself').

It's important to respect each alter for what they are. Alters shouldn't be controlled (except in some rare circumstances, as a temporary solution). Often, alters mainly want to be respected. When they don't want to agree, there is often something they're dissatisfied with. I recommend to ask for that, see what bothers them and somehow come to some agreement. That way, you can actually make some rules (like times when they should stay inside, and maybe times you set aside for them, or things you let them do that they can do, etc.)

Thank you all for your good advice!

I ve read it all and am lettin it sink in.

I m intrigued by the suggestion of creatin a system to organise everything.

I tried to accomodate everyone. Fabio and Amber have their own space.
As for the others, I try to accomodate them but find it hard to find somethin that s really what they want.

Elf has a better contact with everyone. Would it be a good idea then to ask him to check whether somethin is needed by anyone?

He d be like prime minister or somethin? I think of myself as a democracy as they all say they picked me to handle daily life.

As for Indie, the pain is too mucht to take. She still doesn t say much. I feel her pain and cry. She just stares at me. I was tryin to find out what shape she is, and she changed into a tortured to death rabbit. It freaked me out. And saddened me. she must suffer a lot and doesn t seem able to tell me why.

Again: thx for your replies. It helped a lot.

Love

Nina11

As for Indie, I don't have any personal experience, but I'd like to refer you to another thread:

Making progress with traumatized alter: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic108427.html

How can you comfort her and yourself when you are dealing with her pain?

Thanks for the thread!

I m thinkin this through. I think it s a step forward that she did take a shape, even when it was a tortured to death rabbit.

Maybe this means she has a connection with rabbits?

Would I try to comort her as you comfort a child (a toy rabbit to cuddle?)
or try to comfort her as you comfort a rabbit. (not sure what that would be. makin veg and apples easy to reach?maybe a hole of blankets?)

To be honest, I would think that as long as you are trying, it doesn't really matter at first, as long as you're doing it for her (and you) and you think she'd like it (because it is communicating that you care and want to help). It sounds like you have some sort of communication with her? If so, she should be able to communicate with you what she prefers - even if not now, later on.

Sometimes it takes a while to get to a point where an alter feels safe with you and trusts you, but it is important to keep trying! And I see that you are trying very, very hard. Please don't forget to be nice to yourself too!

She s been with me all afternoon, not talkin, just starin.

When readin your post she started to cry. And again - trigger warning - images of blood and blood and more blood.

I ve kneeled beside her, but it seems that just the thought of bein taken care for is overwhelmin for her.

I m gonna try to give her a toy rabbit, and if that doesn t work, I m gonna wrap myself in blankets tryin to make a rabbit hole.

She s reactin, that s somethin.

The pain however is so much. Not sure what I can do for myself to keep it bearable.

You are so strong to do this and try to help her.

It is my (our) thread that has been linked to above, that talks about an alter in my system who is in immense emotional pain. I hope you are able to read it and find some kind of help in it, even if it's only knowing that someone out there understands at least a little bit of what you're going through.

I hope she responds positively to something that you do.

Thinking of you all.

Nina11 wrote:Elf has a better contact with everyone. Would it be a good idea then to ask him to check whether somethin is needed by anyone?

Definitely! It's always best to stick with everyone's strengths and their level of ability.

As far as the tortured rabbit image, I always look into the symbolism of things. Rabbits symbolize luck, success, and warmth. The fact that it was tortured means that she may feel as if those aspects of herself are dying or have been beaten down. It could also mean the opposite of what a rabbit represents so maybe she is feeling unlucky, cold, and like a failure (or that she is failing in some aspect).

I agree with michiru, the fact that you are making so many efforts is enough. I wouldn't focus on a solution right now because you have a lot of other work to do in the system, as well as on yourself. As long as she knows you care and want to help her I think it will make all the difference. Don't put too much on your plate at once, you've got time to figure everything out and you can work on it slowly. I'm sure she'll understand if you need to take a break and have some space from her pain. Maybe setting aside a time for her each day and then gradually spending more time with her will help it not be so constant and overwhelming for you.

I hope everything works out for you guys! You're handling this wonderfully Best wishes!!