Unplanned integration work

Thank you very much

This really feels like healing.
I'm more of a pistachio girl myself but thanks

It's just emma & l that integrated - everyone else is still the same so Ana is just like she's always been

Thank you for the kind words everyone, they mean a lot

Our SO was there for the fusion and it was very interesting to hear how she saw it from the outside vs how it felt on the inside.

From another thread, a comment of mine:

I was pondering the topic of comorbid diagnoses today and came to think about my integration and the topic of anorexia. this comment bares a trigger warning for both of those topics.

The brain uses carbohydrates to create new neural pathways and needs fat to function. When severely anorexic the brain is, of course, deprived of these nutrients. No wonder then that communication and other healing things in the system were much more difficult while we were severe anorexic. One thing is the general "making effect" many comorbid diagnoses can give, but another is the fact that the brain wouldn't be getting what it needed to help heal itself.

Interesting things to ponder

I came to think of this because I am so extremely tired physically since the integration. I could do nothing but sleep and eat if it weren't for the fact that well.. I have a life to live Very much wanting carbohydrates (which I rarely do) which makes sense since my brain is, in many ways, working a bit differently now. Has anyone else experienced this after a fusion?

it s interesting when pieces of a puzzle fit together

Pistachio it is then, here you go hun *throws more confetti-but not on the ice *

I m glad anastacia is still there. Indie has had so much support from her.

She s havin a hard time right now, hides in her hole a lot. Complex to tell BUT pleased Ana will be there still

Well done

Love

Nina11

Thank you kindly

Since the integration a couple days ago the system has been very quiet. None of us inside have been able to reach our 3 year old, Isalin seems to have gone to sleep for a bit (or like someone inside said "maybe she's just sleeping for a couple years again" so who knows for how long), in general switches are harder and things are just.. quieter. Probably all for the best but still a bit strange. In time I guess it will all make sense

It s been a long journey, and it s bound to take some time to rest now.

I need rest too, still bein hurt.

Much love to all of you

Nina11

I would guess. It really is exhausting still but I guess in time I will wake up and feel more rejuvenated.

I hope you get some rest.

*trigger warning for talk of abuse, self injury etc*



I feel vulnerable. Too vulnerable. The emma part of me went through so much abuse but it was okay: it wasn't emotional. They never could get my emotions. They had no power over me. It would always end: one way or another - be it death or a natural ending to the abuse, it would somehow end and then it would be over.

Now there's all these emotions for the L part of me and I just feel exposed and vulnerable and fragile. I feel fragile because I was fragile before as well, just differently.

Our SO is in a very bad place emotionally. Doing a little bit better today thankfully.

[edited out]

The integration was wonderful and I do not regret it, it is just taking some time to find a balance again with everything that is happening in real life.

Maybe that say of peace is today. I am tentatively hopeful.

*safe hugs and stuffies if wanted*

it iz hard.. emotionz.. i do not have advice.. but.. know ur on a road of change.. it iz overwhelming now.. in the dayz to come.. it may be more overwhelming.. but 1 day.. it will be less.. how thingz r in this moment.. it iz not how they alwayz will be..

rendering urself vulnerable.. losing defensez.. it iz a painful commitment.. but i think.. to give half of urself to it iz to suffer continuously.. to give all of urself to this change iz to heal.. even if the healing now only feelz like suffering..

it iz like being born again.. to feel thingz u did not feel before.. it iz abandoning what kept u sane before.. and trading it in for a new way 2 experience life.. sometimez i think old defensez.. old wayz to protect urself.. r like a glass case.. in that first moment.. they protect u.. but eventually.. the glass case becomez a wall.. it keepz out immense emotional pain.. but it also keepz out the purest joy.. love.. truth..

for a while.. it feelz unsafe.. to lose the wallz.. but eventually.. the struggle iz over.. and u set urself free..

sorry.. this iz not helpful.. anywayz.. take care.. i hope u accept urself in this moment.. and i hope the momentz to come bring good thingz soon..

[r]