Unplanned integration work

I have minimal kowledge of integration, but I just wanted to say that the urge (and abillity) to play doesn't have to disseaper only because of age. I'm a singelton in my late thirtees and still needs and wants to play. Sometimes my SO's littles play with me and we have great fun, other times they just look at me like this because they think I'm childish.

Ohana means "family." "Family" means "no one gets left behind. Or forgotten.

I want to be close family like Lilo & Stitch. Integration makes family even even closer because we belong together like a family. I still have the questions from before But I think it sounds nice too - F(6y)

I have minimal kowledge of integration, but I just wanted to say that the urge (and abillity) to play doesn't have to disseaper only because of age. I'm a singelton in my late thirtees and still needs and wants to play. Sometimes my SO's littles play with me and we have great fun, other times they just look at me like this because they think I'm childish.

Thank you for responding I think the kids are mostly wondering because their "jobs" or interests will probably not be as prominent as the needs and responsibilities of the older one(s) they integrate with and so what will happen? Will they get time to play? Will they still want to or will the olders interests "win out"?

I'm glad you get to play More singlets could use some play time hehe

I had a (half)lucid dream in which I integrated a younger boy part. He looked Pakistani looking. This is not a part that I am familiar with or even know exist. He wanted to integrate though and did so by blending into me and disappearing from the outside. I then freaked out and pushed him away again out of fear and the next thing I remember is a lot of stressful dreams. I do not remember seeing this part of me outside of me again afterwards. I have no idea what this meant but it might mean I'm not ready for integration, considering I pushed the child away again afterwards. In the back of my mind I am terrified I have integrated someone. I don't know - hopefully it makes sense in time.

I have not been following this thread so I am responding to this question from last month only now.

lifelongthing wrote:We have a couple of child alters who are considering integration as a long-term goal.

Good for you!

lifelongthing wrote:They were wondering though, Una+ specifically but to everyone, how has it been for your child alters to integrate?

I don't have any typical child alters, at least none that I know of. Emotionally and perhaps also mentally Alter 5 was like a very young child, but she was a special case of projective identification from an adult man into an adult woman with DID. She was a fragment and she had no life history whatsoever. She never experienced being a child.

As an adult I have always been very much in touch with my own Inner Child (ego state). I am not inhibited. I play with little kids and when I am alone too. I climb on play structures, ride swings, etc. I play with water ("gardening") and at the pool I swim and jump off the high diving board and play with toys with or without children around. Few other adults play as much as I do; the ones who do mostly are young fathers.

as for me, the littles integrated. I now don t feel the urge to swing or climb as I used to, but I just know I ll go swinging occasionally just for fun.

I know how they loved Tangled and the Hunchback of the Notre dame, and I just know I ll still watch those films occasionally (just not daily anymore LOL), just like other lovely films like Lilo and Stitch.

I know Indie loved fingerpaint, just like Amber, and Amber was in love with glitters. I never used it myself, but am considering buyin a whole can to use.

So no, the littles interests are not put behind. They ve just integrated in the whole.

I still have a stuffed rabbit, and I ll keep hangin on to it. As I know how much they loved it. Just like cosy blankies and flower dresses.

I m even thinkin of dyin my hair in the colour Amber Always wanted me to LOL



Minnie

-- Fri Jul 19, 2013 11:45 am --

as for pushin the little boy out, I can relate in a way. After the integration process started I felt like gettin some alters out again too, I wanted them to be there and to hold me or to hold them or play or talk.

But Crone (tree goddess) helped me through this week, keepin it all tied up and warnin me not to watch triggerin films or listen to triggering music.

It was hard and I ve cried evenings long, but I know this is part of it all.

Minnie

Good for you!

Thank you

As an adult I have always been very much in touch with my own Inner Child (ego state). I am not inhibited. I play with little kids and when I am alone too. I climb on play structures, ride swings, etc. I play with water ("gardening") and at the pool I swim and jump off the high diving board and play with toys with or without children around. Few other adults play as much as I do; the ones who do mostly are young fathers.

You sound like a fun person. Is this to be expected as an outcome after integration? That it will be more of "an inner child"? Thank you for answering.

I know how they loved Tangled and the Hunchback of the Notre dame, and I just know I ll still watch those films occasionally (just not daily anymore LOL)

This made me smile

as for me, the littles integrated. I now don t feel the urge to swing or climb as I used to, but I just know I ll go swinging occasionally just for fun

This is good to read. Do you experience it fully as your own wish or "the part of you that was x"? Is there any distinction?

It was hard and I ve cried evenings long, but I know this is part of it all.

We experienced this too. It passed after a while and was replaced with a feeling of acceptance and understanding.

Thanks for answering It was very nice seeing your reply.

I've been thinking about how people say that they are fully integrated (like someone who never had DID) and then saying that they can separate for a short while or experience some separation though still be integrated and fused. How does this relate to the experience of someone who has never had DID? Do they experience this? Is this due to the fact that it is 2 (or more) alters who have had separate past and combining them doesn't take away from the separation that was before? It confuses me a little.

Also, we seem to be experiencing another unplanned integration. We will see.

lifelongthing wrote:I've been thinking about how people say that they are fully integrated (like someone who never had DID) and then saying that they can separate for a short while or experience some separation though still be integrated and fused. How does this relate to the experience of someone who has never had DID? Do they experience this? Is this due to the fact that it is 2 (or more) alters who have had separate past and combining them doesn't take away from the separation that was before?

I have never heard a non-DID person say anything like this. This is something I have said here on the DID Forum, concerning my own alters who have fused with me. But I am not fully integrated, meaning I have not reached a final fusion. Some alters remain.

The fused alters remain as ego states and we/I can at times take the separate point of view of one of them. I also have said before that this seems to be what non-DID persons do, especially those who are aware of their own ego states. Non-DID persons say things like "A part of me wants to eat another piece of cake but I don't want the calories." I do not know that what I experience after fusion is like what non-DID persons experience, but it does sound like the same thing.

I have never heard a non-DID person say anything like this. This is something I have said here on the DID Forum, concerning my own alters who have fused with me. But I am not fully integrated, meaning I have not reached a final fusion. Some alters remain.

Ah, I couldn't remember who but remembered what. Thanks for clarifying.

The fused alters remain as ego states and we/I can at times take the separate point of view of one of them. I also have said before that this seems to be what non-DID persons do, especially those who are aware of their own ego states. Non-DID persons say things like "A part of me wants to eat another piece of cake but I don't want the calories." I do not know that what I experience after fusion is like what non-DID persons experience, but it does sound like the same thing.

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for explaining that. Before the final fusion, is there more of a space between the integrated alters as well than after a final fusion? I think integration confuses me in part because I'm not the part that has been through it and those of me that have aren't sure how it is for others (obviously). Are there any good books that describe what full integration vs only parts of a system integrating feels like? I'm sorry if I'm asking too much or in a wrong way, I mean no offense.

Well, my cranio sacral therapist told me everyone has 'DID' in a certain degree, meaning that - for example
when he walks into a family party, he is AND a father, AND a son, AND a partner, AND someone who wants to eat the cake AND someone who knows the cake will do damnage to the body s health-
so intrests are conflictin and different to in ways
tho it s less extreme then experiencin alters (in my opinion).

As for integration, I don t do the things I used to for the littles anymore, I do them in honour of them in a way but TOO because I WANT IT. Not because they do, I DO.

It s the same with Rebecca s anger. I feel it now. Not separate anymore, I can t shake it off and pass it on. It s Always mine. It s lead to outbursts which I m tryin to control now and that s the difference. Rebecca doesn t take over anymore, she s integrated as she knows her feelings are welcom, appreciated and will be respected.

To me it feels that, now, I can heal better from the wounds I endured in my childhood. I don t have to ask and search for alters holdin memories or grudges, they re mine now. As they ve Always been in a way.

I miss them a lot too. Today I bought a Hello Kitty balloon. I know how much Indie and AMber loved it, and I love it too. It s so great lookin at it

As for books, I have no clue. I m readin The Haunted Self, but haven t got through to the end, so not sure if it covers integration.

Ask away hun, no offence taken.

Minnie

-- Tue Jul 23, 2013 5:26 pm --

ow, and I m very curious about your integration experience! Let us know how you get on

Love

Minnie