Hi.

Ive thought bugs were crawling on me.

Same here.

*Trigger Warning*
During one episode, I think it was Damone or Luna who was either out or influencing me, but I was hallucinating that spiders were everywhere, all over me, all over the room, etc. A friend of mine that I was texting at the time was worried and also asked if I was on meth or something (because I was also hallucinating that spiders were in my skin and hair and such). I wasn't on any drugs, and that was before I had ever tried/used any substances at all, but I can understand why he'd ask since to him at the time, he'd only heard of spider hallucinations and such being caused by drugs like meth.
*End Trigger Warning*


-Cassandra

I was really struggling with hallucinations when i was deathly sick not too long ago. I had Pneumonia, and some of the stuff the voices said were absolutely stupid. I had the walking variant of pneumonia. I got a fever of a 104 at the worst of it, and Trigger Warning*I was seeing angels and demons and all sorts of things. I thought i was dying. End Trigger warning.

I'm sorry to hear that and that you had to experience that.

*Trigger Warning*
I don't know if any of us have seen angels, but I know Cassidy sees demons and such, and I think Damone has before as well. Possibly Luna too, but Cassidy sees them the most often.
*End Trigger Warning*


-Cassandra

I'm mostly leveled out now though. One question though. When you have hallucinations, can you distinguish whats real and whats not? I used to think everyone i knew saw sea creatures swimming in their rooms at night, but then i found out otherwise I thought for the longest time that the numbers were real too. then i found out they weren't and was diagnosed with early onset schizophrenia by my doctor when i was 19. I'm almost 20 now. i told him about the voices having their own personalities and stuff though. He said that was odd but not unheard of. I love my doctor. He is really supportive. He's the one person i feel like i could tell anything. I've been Dx'ed with DD NOS, Childhood Schizophrenia, ADD and Bipolar 1.

When I was younger, no. And when I was younger, most of my hallucinations were passed off as "an over-active imagination", "kids being kids", "kids see things sometimes", etc. Which is understandable, when you're dealing with children, it can be hard to distinguish a hallucination and other things from what's just their imagination and such.

And I thought everyone heard voices and had "sides" of them that could take over (that was just my alters/DID though, and that was before I knew about DID). I even asked my friends once in like 8th grade I think if they ever heard voices or had *Possible Trigger* "shoulder angels" or "shoulder devils" (I used to call Rain my "shoulder angel" and Kat my "shoulder devil" back then)*End Possible Trigger*. Found out that no, everyone does not have voices or sides, and then found out why later- I have DID, and not everyone has DID.


Nowadays, I can tell what's real and what's not for the most part, and I'd like to think I have a good idea of knowing what "average" people experience versus what experiences I can have (in the sense of now knowing that not everyone sees/hears what I do/hallucinates). For the most part, 95% of the time if a hallucination is DID-related (like hearing or seeing my alters), I know it's not real. But the non-DID related hallucinations, (like the bugs) they can still trick me sometimes. It also depends on who's out, who's near the front, who's out with me, etc., for how well I can know what's real and what's not. And how fuzzy I am that day, too (fuzziness can cause derealization and depersonalization for me, which makes everything seem not real).


Others like Luna, Damone, and Cassidy thought I think have a much harder time being able to tell what's real and what's not. I think deep down Damone and Luna, being older, know it's not real, but that's easy to forget depending on what you're hallucinating and how real it seems at the time. And I think they get stronger hallucinations than I do, too, so I think that's usually what makes it harder for them to know reality from hallucination.


Your therapist sounds wise, although I wouldn't be surprised that if you told him more about Jenny and such, he might rethink the DDNOS diagnosis and might look into a DDNOS-1/DID diagnosis. I am glad though that he is aware of DDNOS and diagnosed you with that.

The main difference between alters and schizophrenia voices and such is that alters have their own sense of self in that they seem to have their own personalities, they might have their own names or want one, they are consistent with their voice/personality/whatever identity they have, they are not usually always simply commanding you or giving orders, and it can feel as though they are in control at times (or you experience amnesia/lost time when a switch occurs and they're in control).

With schizophrenia voices, they are sometimes consistent, but they usually don't have a foundation for or a clear identity, they usually don't really have a personality that is shown much/that you can make out, they are usually commanding or giving you orders, and they don't take control of your body (least not like alters do/can). They also don't cause memory issues or lost time.

(I'm no pro or expert, that's just what I've gotten from my own research and experiences. My therapist thought I might have the onset of schizophrenia back when Luna was mostly near/foward, because she shows like every sign/symptom of schizophrenia at times, and those symptoms were showing from her through me, but then they just seemed to "go away" one day and that was because Luna wasn't near the front anymore. I'm pretty sure that if Luna got evaluated as just herself, like if she was the only one out, she could get diagnosed with schizophrenia, but I don't think we have it as a whole, I just think Luna has a lot of symptoms/traits from it).



-Cassandra

My voices are primarily different than the named ones. The normal voices just simply commentate on my life and say things like you are dumb to do that, just giving a running commentary. I've heard people talking in my room late one night, and saw aliens sitting there, and i just looked at them and told them you aren't real, then went back to sleep.

Definitely sounds like it's a strong possibility for you to have DDNOS-1/DID along with schizophrenia, then. The named voices you describe sound like alters, and the other voices you describe sound like schizophrenia voices. You may want to talk to your therapist more about Jenny and the rest of them (sorry for some reason Jenny is the easiest name for me to remember ), and how they differ from the other voices you hear and such.

(Thankfully, I don't think I've hallucinated aliens before. That would freak me out! *Trigger Warning* I believe aliens are real, and I believe I've been abducted once. *End Trigger Warning*)

I've experienced the "life commentator/narrator" voices, but Luna experiences it more often than I do apparently. The thing she experiences most is feeling like everyone's talking about her/looking at her, and hearing every conversation as if they are talking about her (like when I went to go prom dress shopping, Luna was either near or out with me, and I could barely handle it. I felt like everyone was judging what dress I was going to get, how I looked in them, and every snippet of conversation I caught I could've sworn was about me even though it wasn't and stuff like that). She also gets the jeering negative voices most often too. She says they're definitely different from alter voices.


-Cassandra

Yeah i have severe paranoia at times that my meds don't work.of course sometimes i get that way for no reason at all. I've thought people were trying to poison me before. I've also thought that "they" were out to get me and i found conspiracy in the stupidest things. but that was before i was medicated. of course i still have episodes though.

Yeah, Luna gets pretty bad paranoia. We're not on meds (anymore), so she doesn't get paranoid about that, but she's gotten paranoid that her food or drink is poisoned or altered somehow, or that people are out to get her, or that she's a part of some big conspiracy, stuff like that. It can get pretty bad sometimes.

-Cassandra