Happier on inside **Trigger**

When Logan is on the inside and I'm simply co-aware, he is sensitive, lovable, and overall pretty happy. So, how come when I'm co-concious with him, I always have this glare that I can't seem to take off my face and he'll start scratching my arm or digging nails in it. (Not enough to bleed.) Another thing he'll do is clench his teeth and sometimes he'll get so overwhelmed with anger and panic that a scream will escape our mouth. and he always wants to hit something. Does this happen with you guys?

-- Wed Feb 27, 2013 1:40 pm --

Why do you do that, Logan?


I don't know. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW!

It's alright. Don't freak out. It was simply a question....


Well, I DON'T know!

This happens to use occasionally. Usually, for us, when Alabaster is co-con, he's more hyper and sadistic. Otherwise, he tends to stay calm and withdrawn. I don't know that this is the person's 'true self', but that's what I theorize. It may also be that Logan feels anxious when he has more control. Though that would be a different problem I suppose.

Some alters are indeed more anxious, or sometimes even frustrated, when they are co-conscious versus when they are inside and simply "near to the front" or something. This can be for a variety of reasons, which can also apply to alters feeling "iffy" about co-hosting versus just being co-conscious.

1) The feeling of being co-conscious can cause anxiety or confusion, as it can be a feeling that's hard for some to get used to.

2) There can be a sense of lack of control when one is co-conscious (despite the fact that sharing control is only done with co-hosting, although co-consciousness is like a "step before" co-hosting).

3) Co-consciousness can sometimes allow alters to sense other alters' emotions (the ones they're co-conscious with), and that can be overwhelming. It can also allow alters to "share" or know other alters' thoughts, and it can also allow other alters' emotions to have an influence over an alter, or to even be felt by that alter as well, which can be upsetting.

4) Co-consciousness is being aware of the outside world, and from previous posts I've read that Logan has troubles being in public and such (very similar to some of our alters, actually). So when he's inside, it could be that he feels safer, more comfortable, and thus is more happy. When he's co-conscious, that's kinda like being half-out, and so he's going to be more aware of the outside world than when he's inside, meaning more noises, dealing with people and public places, etc., so it could be that he's simply feeling the anxiousness and such that he usually feels when he's co-conscious, just maybe not to the same extent as when he's fully out by himself.

5) Sometimes being out, or even co-conscious, can cause alters to be more in "survival mode" than when they're inside, which can cause them to be more tense, be more easily triggered, more anxious, etc.

6) Sometimes alters can become overwhelmed when they are co-conscious or co-hosting, a type of "Oh, shoot, I'm up front, what do I do? How do I react to that? Can I react? Could I take control? What if I have to take control?" reaction where worries and questions just start forming and makes the situation stressful for them.


Try working on some grounding or calming techniques with Logan, things like deep breathing, self-talk, having a safety object, carrying music around with you, wearing an article of clothing that helps Logan feel comfortable, etc.


~The Hawk

I don't know if this relates to what Logan's feeling but most of us tend to feel less than themselves when they're out and I'm co-conscious. I've spent too many years hogging the mind, unaware of them while many of them slept (some having given up) or went into hibernation. I tend to coach, suggest and influence them a lot and I know this only because on the few occasions when I am further back, they seem more at ease and way more themselves.

In fact, the further I am from whoever's out, the more amazed I am at who they really are and how not me they are. I can be helpful, especially for the littles. We mostly agree that the life we have, for better or worse, is sustaining us, so it makes sense to learn how to live it until we figure out an alternative. But some of us, including me, experience me intermittently as hen-pecking, overbearing or even smothering. I'm better when we're out for a walk or on our days off from work.

Neither I nor anyone can go far away back inside anymore. Inside is so shallow now though it was once vast. If inside is a small room filled with (currently) 17 alters, I can move back as far as possible from the window (being out) and it will take pressure off who's out. I can also get pulled back with assistance from others, especially the Sphinx. I tend to operate as if I'm really entitled to direct things, as if I know best. It's hard to fight that because it's so automatic.

If a host is in covert denial or if the system has rigid expectations or rules of behavior that are unnatural to an alter, even if those rules seems entirely reasonable and fair, that may inevitably frustrate some alters and may even cause pain. Dan and Quato in particular would love to secede if that were possible. As John said, we speak from our experience so do not know if any of this applies in your situation.