Diagnosis Update & Possible Switch in T

It's been quite a long, triggery, fuzzy day today, but I think positive overall. I had my T appointment this morning. At the end of my session, at the very last second, I blurted out asking if I had yet been diagnosed with anything or where we might be on that. She said, "I haven't officially made a diagnosis yet. I can say that I do see some anxiety, some depression, PTSD....and there could...be some dissociation. But I don't believe you have schizophrenia or bipolar or anything of that nature.".

Even though I've been pretty sure I'm not schizo or bipolar, it was sure relieving to hear that it seems to have been ruled out. From her tone, I took it as she's still taking more time to figure out exactly how often, and to what extent the dissociation is, and that's understandable, so I'm pretty happy and content with what she had to say.

While talking to her about a very triggery dream I had involving abuse, I felt like someone might have been fighting to take control. My eyes kept closing really tight, and I kept fighting to hold on to my thoughts like they were trying to be taken away from me so I couldn't continue talking to her about it. It was such a struggle to stay conscious...it reminded me almost like taking a sleep med and trying to stay awake...but without the sleepiness. My voice got unusually deep, and I felt a facial change that I don't believe I've ever felt before. I don't know what or how much was said, or what part of the dream was being discussed. It kind of scared me though bc it was so deep, and I haven't heard it before. I also felt more relaxed like I had temporarily given up the fight while I heard this voice talk.

She didn't say anything about noticing any changes (which, I'm not sure she would if she did), so I'm kind of wondering if I should call and ask if she noticed it? It would be nice to know if she's catching these things, and I'd also like to know what I said and what we were talking about at that time too if she did notice.

That's great news and I'm glad things are going well so far!

I think if I were you, I would either write it down to bring up during the next session, or I would call or email and ask her about it. It's perfectly natural for you to want to make sure that your therapist is catching things, I would want to as well, and you're not doing anything wrong by asking her if she did notice the things you noticed. If nothing else, to a therapist, it should seem completely natural for someone to want to check/see if they noticed an experience that, to their patient, was a little shocking and unnerving. Not only that, but telling your therapist about this experience would also be giving her more information about your dissociation experiences.

(Your experience with the deeper voice sounds similar to my first experiences with hearing Kat's voice come out of my mouth, and in the one instance that I'm aware of that "Hannibal" was triggered out, that deeper voice was just completely strange to me, and I've never heard that tone leave my mouth before, not even a similar tone from Kat or anything).


-Cassandra

Thanks! It's relieving to know that we're getting somewhere here and I feel a bit more reassured T isn't a waste of time.

I'll probably write it down and tell her at my next appointment. I really need to try to point out to my husband and T when I'm feeling different bc it might help them start recognizing it better. I can sometimes point out that I'm feeling fuzzy and disconnected but pointing out specifics (like accents/voice changes) seems to be almost impossible. The words just won't come out, then the awareness disappears.

Hm, it just popped into my head that maybe I could try a non verbal signal like putting my thumb up when I notice somethings changed? Not sure if that would make a difference, but it's worth a try.

I've never heard that tone leave my mouth before

This is exactly what I told my husband last night. "I've never heard that tone come out of my mouth before". I've noticed several variations between higher and lower tones, but this was straight up deep and masculine.

ManyShadesOfMe wrote:Hm, it just popped into my head that maybe I could try a non verbal signal like putting my thumb up when I notice somethings changed? Not sure if that would make a difference, but it's worth a try.

I've never heard that tone leave my mouth before

This is exactly what I told my husband last night. "I've never heard that tone come out of my mouth before". I've noticed several variations between higher and lower tones, but this was straight up deep and masculine.

It's definitely worth a try. When I started to notice symptoms of switching, I'd usually verbally warn my boyfriend that a switch was about to happen, but I know verbal warnings and such don't work for everyone. You could try something like a thumbs-up, or a point to your head, or something like that, whatever works for you.


*Possible Trigger Warning*
"Hannibal's" voice was deep and to be honest, rather demonic-sounding. (I felt like one of those screaming possessed people in movies or something, having him come out like that and having at least one of us still be aware of everything and such ).
*End Possible Trigger Warning*

I'm kinda used to having a deeper voice come out of my mouth, because Kat and L.C.'s voices are deep, but when I first heard Damone's voice I was like, "I can make that sound?" Because his voice is a bit deeper than Kat's or L.C.'s, and it's more masculine sounding than either of their's.


-Cassandra

Wow. See that's a thing that I get. I'll be talking to someone and then suddenly I can't move or anything. Then once some one noticed and asked "Are you okay, you just got really blank and and stopped talking in the middle of your sentence." I vaguely remember my voice being low and slower than my norm answering "Yeah, I'm fine." I can't actually remember what went on after that. It's like trying to remember on of my nightmares. I know there was stuff And people, but I can't really remember it. The only difference is I don't feel the connected fear like I do when I try to remember a nightmare...

And weird... I didn't really write all of that... Kinda... Disconcerting... HOLY CRAP I SPELLED THAT RIGHT.... I didn't even know how to spell that....

When I started to notice symptoms of switching, I'd usually verbally warn my boyfriend that a switch was about to happen, but I know verbal warnings and such don't work for everyone.

I can sometimes feel a triggered switch coming on, and occasionally I'll think to say something to my husband to let him know, but for some reason I just don't. It's like the verbal announcement of it is just too much exposure which will lead to it being more noticeable. This is what I want until I feel it coming, then it's absolutely not what I want.


*Possible Trigger Warning*

"Hannibal's" voice was deep and to be honest, rather demonic-sounding.

Yes, that's exactly what's been going through my mind of what it sounded like...demonic or evil. Even though it sounded evil, I didn't get the feeling that it was evil or negative....it was just scary lol.

*End Possible Trigger Warning*

Wow. See that's a thing that I get. I'll be talking to someone and then suddenly I can't move or anything. Then once some one noticed and asked "Are you okay, you just got really blank and and stopped talking in the middle of your sentence." I vaguely remember my voice being low and slower than my norm answering "Yeah, I'm fine." I can't actually remember what went on after that.

I get like that too when I go into those trance states. They're worse when I'm tired, overwhelmed or stressed. I usually can't remember what goes on in my head while I'm like that, but I know I've talked to the others a lot in that state. I'll know I've talked to them, but I'll have no recollection about what.

It's like trying to remember on of my nightmares. I know there was stuff And people, but I can't really remember it. The only difference is I don't feel the connected fear like I do when I try to remember a nightmare...

I get this a lot too. I'll wake up and remember I had a bad dream, but I'll have no idea what it was about. I also don't seem to have the connected fear whether I remember them or not...I guess that's why I just call them bad dreams although most people would consider them nightmares.

Well I'm not going to say much other that she has some messed up friends. She's here enough that she wants to answer, but she's not here enough to actually answer, so I figured i'd say she read it.