I Don't Know How to Feel TW

spanky_spee wrote:That a good Idea to suggest
to allow some alters to switch out and do some things. class Is hard to juggle.
Maybe for short periods after class or weekends.
Most of my school life was switching so it was abit hectic but I wasn't aware of my DID at the time.
But in class learning to attend socialise and learn in general really helped them all understand resposibilitys and even respect for the host and there job.

we have a MEAT obsessed alter Barry.. we have laid out some ground rules with that.
We have low iron levels so it's good he has this instinct but.
rules are very important he shouldn't be restricted from enjoying but have a limit on how much.

that is a bit cold but. I have alter that have threatened to destroy relationships..
abit awkward but Maybe you could suggest healthy masterbation 3 times a week for males I think it it is.suggest some other relaxation techniques. ask why is he so stressed and what getting him down. suprise this alter with a bath or a favorite meal.
ask is there another reason why he would do that because it could upset everyone including you if he did.

I'm still not sure but this sounds common but it does sound like progress was made.

This alter told me that everybody enjoys chocolate, but that each alter has a specific food that they love. And that he just happens to love donuts.

I have tried to talk to my boyfriend about opening some time up just so he can do a switch for them and let them out and relax. But he still is very hesitant. I think it's mainly because he doesn't want something bad to happen and also because it drains a lot of energy for him as well.

I really do want to do something like make one of the alters a meal or prepare one of them a nice relaxing bath. Hell, even take one of them to just go and get a drink. The one that more or less threatened to cheat on me, is the one that is extremely sexual. So honestly, sex is the only way to actually make him feel relaxed and rested... But I know that for me, I can just have meaningless sex with that alter because I don't love him like that, and when we do end up getting it on, I just cry out my boyfriend's name, which then annoys him because he tells me, "I'm not him", and I don't love that alter enough to actually call him by his name in that sense. I just sort of do it, mainly to make sure that he isn't using my boyfriend's body to sleep around with other women.

I don't think any of the alters would want to actually talk to me about those kinds of things. Most of them just seem to not be trusting. I do want to help, but they might think that I was trying to get rid of them. Which really isn't the case. I am fine if my boyfriend does a co-existence. And I am fine if he merges. So long as there are limits and responsibilities on both sides.

Anasui wrote:I don't think any of the alters would want to actually talk to me about those kinds of things. Most of them just seem to not be trusting.

DID you bf probaly experienced trauma of some sort so alters will take time to gain there trust. dont break promises! when they are out randomly and they look a bit paniced tell that they are safe(if they are). they have a job thats why they are out.

Anasui wrote:I have tried to talk to my boyfriend about opening some time up just so he can do a switch for them and let them out and relax. But he still is very hesitant. I think it's mainly because he doesn't want something bad to happen and also because it drains a lot of energy for him as well.

to this day I'm hesitant sometimes
yeah switching is draining to the max we feel tired 24/7.. but
relaxed more natural switches take less enegry than a forced ones.

But pushing them back denying them technically them! there roles? does so much more damage for him he has to realise this they are going to come out anyway ...it's the one of the hardest realisations and sometimes you have to do it again and again the same realisation..they are not going away unless he learns why, how and how to live with eachother.
sorry to be abit harsh but yes it's the truth he needs to realise.
DID doesn't have an off switch.

Anasui wrote: The one that more or less threatened to cheat on me, is the one that is extremely sexual. So honestly, sex is the only way to actually make him feel relaxed and rested... But I know that for me, I can just have meaningless sex with that alter because I don't love him like that, and when we do end up getting it on, I just cry out my boyfriend's name, which then annoys him because he tells me, "I'm not him", and I don't love that alter enough to actually call him by his name in that sense. I just sort of do it, mainly to make sure that he isn't using my boyfriend's body to sleep around with other women.

this sounds like something that should be discussed with your boyfriend.
and something that should be brought up in theraphy if you bf goes.. because this sounds like something should be sorted out privately due to the nature of the alter and what your describing. and you should not have s*x if you don't feel comfortable or attracted to this alter in anyways.you wouldn't have s*x with someone you barely know if you were in a happy relationship.

if your bf doesn't I suggest trieng to lightly encourage seeing a psych always ask for someone with experience in dissasociative trauma. I pinched that bit off advice from another poster.

'im not him' first the end of the day he is he is apart of your boyfriends mind.. second of all he should respect the body the host and the others around him. But threatening to run off with other people is no way to get what he wants.

Anasui wrote:I really do want to do something like make one of the alters a meal or prepare one of them a nice relaxing bath. Hell, even take one of them to just go and get a drink.

Maybe when your bf works through the hardest part i guess his reintroduction as well as yourself you you'll get to enjoy some quality time but your bf has some ground work before things get abit easier.
and make sure you take some time out for your self!

Anasui wrote:I am fine if my boyfriend does a co-existence. And I am fine if he merges. So long as there are limits and responsibilities on both sides.

tell him explain to him and everyone else in there!!!!!! it'll take some stress of his shoulders

My boyfriend really wants to merge. From when I talk to him, he just seems so tiered about having DID and that he wants to just have a "normal" mind that doesn't require him having to share his body. He will get upset about sharing information to me about his DID and feels that I just want to know more about his case than dating him, or something like that. Which isn't the situation. I want to see him get better. And that means that he has to open Pandora's Box. I understand that the situations in his earlier childhood really messed him up, along with his general fear of emotions, that he ended up creating these alters to help him survive day by day.

I know that the one that he uses the most (the gatekeeper) is just tiered of my boyfriend's crap. And I am very sure that it is frustrating for all of the alters to just pop out of nowhere to clean up a mess my boyfriend made.

I just don't know what to do. He just has so many painful memories that he needs to sort out. I'm worried that if he tries to merge again, he's going to just try and forget them. And he's better than that. I want to let him know that no matter the situation, I will be by his side helping him through that process of learning how to handle these things.

And I know I can because of my BPD. My BPD forces me on handling extreme emotions and he's been a help to me on getting through my tough days that I want to do the same for him. He deserves that, and more.