I just don't know **Trigger**

I refuse to use any color because I am not this 'Annabelle' character. I am your conscious, Leslie. You are a liar. You know you're lying sometimes. Other times, you arne't sure. Maybe Logan is somewhat real, but the rest are clearly not. Logan is likely to be fake too. I'm not sure, but I do know that all of these other so called alters are fake. This has to stop before it goes over board.

Please help. Leslie has something other than DID. I'm sure of it. Maybe she is fantasy prone? I'm not sure, but I know it's not DID. This doesn't feel real enough to be that. I am her concious and she is aware that I'm writing this. She obviously has a problem. She can't stop saying that we, different moods, are different identities. It's getting dangerous and will run Asher off. We can't lose asher and I feel that he is feeling the urge to leave us because of this DID bull.

She does have a problem. I know it. I just am not sure if it's DID. She is aware that I'm writing this and she's not sure if it's her or not. I'm just her conscious. That's it. I'm not in 'denial'. I know that she is convinced of this DID stuff, but I just don't feel like this is it. If it were, I would have no problem with it. I would accept it. It just can't be, though.

I wish I knew what to do. We're tangled in this lie, this world, this twisted fantasy. None of it iss real, though. We just want it so bad. We want to be individuals or-Leslie wants us to be individuals so badly that she's believeing it. She has always been addicted to characters in stories, getting wrapped up in them and ignoring real life. It can't go on, though.

I'm sorry. Sorry for the waste of time. Sorry for nsulting everyone with this by assuming that we were too. I just don't know what to believe. Part of me thinks I'm Leslie, writing this, but another sort of thinks I'm this Annabelle girl. I don't know. I don't know.

I've tried the tips. I made a list of reasons for why it is DID, but I'm still not convinced for some reason. I know that I think it could be, but then again, I feel like I've read too much about it and convinced myself that I've always had these symptoms. and Leslie is watching me type this and she is saying that she isn't sure if she is typing or if it's me and I don't know either. THAT is why if can't be DID. Because, we would be sure that we were real, wouldn't we? So, what should we do? This is so confusing.

This can't be fake. There is too much proof. Like the time I was trying to get to the **trigger** knives **trigger end** and Leslie was fighting not to go to them and we were screamign at each other. Then Hope came and talked us out of it. That wasn't fake. It was distinct differences. We aren't fake. Stop denying. It's a waste of tiem and hurts those who want to be heard.

Annabelle, you are in denial and you need to calmly get out of it. It will solve nothing. It is hurting you as well. You need to heal and you can't do that unless you accept that you are indeed a real person.

I refuse to fall back into denial! No! This is stupid! It can't be fake! I know that you are concerned and you think it's fake, but why would all of this be happening if it was? This s te only dsorder that fits our experiences. I'm not trying to self diagnose, but this is very fit for DID.I'm sorry everyone. Annabelle WON'T get out of the denial stage and it is having a bad effect on the rest of us.

Hornet339 wrote:I refuse to use any color because I am not this 'Annabelle' character. I am your conscious, Leslie.

There can be alters who seem exactly like that - they're the reasoning or the morality of the system. That doesn't make them not alters, though!

You are a liar. You know you're lying sometimes. Other times, you arne't sure.

No, she *thinks* she is lying sometimes. It's not because she is - it's because of denial. And it's called denial because it's denying something that's real.

Maybe Logan is somewhat real, but the rest are clearly not. Logan is likely to be fake too. I'm not sure, but I do know that all of these other so called alters are fake. This has to stop before it goes over board.

Please help. Leslie has something other than DID. I'm sure of it. Maybe she is fantasy prone? I'm not sure, but I know it's not DID. This doesn't feel real enough to be that.

And it seems you're going through denial, too. You're real! You're all real! Fight it! You know you're real, because you're talking like she's someone else! That in itself is evidence that this is all real and you are DID!!!

I am her concious and she is aware that I'm writing this.

That doesn't mean she's making it up! There is such a thing as co-consciousness! She can watch while you do things - it's common for DID! That doesn't make it fake.

She obviously has a problem. She can't stop saying that we, different moods, are different identities.

If you're just different moods, why do you seem to have your own free will?

It's getting dangerous and will run Asher off. We can't lose asher and I feel that he is feeling the urge to leave us because of this DID bull.

And now we have found the probable source of your denial, or at least a contributing factor. We know that it gets scary, knowing that people in your life can't understand. But the ones who care about you will stick around!

She does have a problem. I know it. I just am not sure if it's DID. She is aware that I'm writing this and she's not sure if it's her or not. I'm just her conscious. That's it. I'm not in 'denial'. I know that she is convinced of this DID stuff, but I just don't feel like this is it. If it were, I would have no problem with it. I would accept it. It just can't be, though.

But it is denial! You can't 'trick' yourself into thinking you have alters. You've got them or you dont. It is DID! What else could it be?

I wish I knew what to do. We're tangled in this lie, this world, this twisted fantasy. None of it iss real, though. We just want it so bad. We want to be individuals or-Leslie wants us to be individuals so badly that she's believeing it.

The way you're saying this tells me you know you're real. You just don't want to be on some level, or youre starting to doubt that you are... But that doesn't make you less real! And it's not a bad thing to be a part!

She has always been addicted to characters in stories, getting wrapped up in them and ignoring real life. It can't go on, though.

This kind of argument is one I've used in denial before I know it seems like that, but just talk to the others! I'm sure they're talking back to you already!

I'm sorry. Sorry for the waste of time. Sorry for nsulting everyone with this by assuming that we were too. I just don't know what to believe. Part of me thinks I'm Leslie, writing this, but another sort of thinks I'm this Annabelle girl. I don't know. I don't know.

I've tried the tips. I made a list of reasons for why it is DID, but I'm still not convinced for some reason. I know that I think it could be, but then again, I feel like I've read too much about it and convinced myself that I've always had these symptoms. and Leslie is watching me type this and she is saying that she isn't sure if she is typing or if it's me and I don't know either. THAT is why if can't be DID. Because, we would be sure that we were real, wouldn't we? So, what should we do? This is so confusing.

I get why you'd think this, but doubting your existence doesn't mean you're making it up. I know this is going to sound completely ridiculous, and it probably is, but up until a few months ago, I insisted I was a character - to the point that I had the rest of the system convinced that I was right. That in no way makes one right. And it turned out to be harmful to the system because we almost labeled Kitty schizophrenic for hearing/seeing Mendax when the rest of us only saw/heard what we thought was Kitty projecting her inside.
The point is, we get what you're going through, and I hope that we helped somehow.

Keep fighting the denial. Hope the rest of you can help with dealing with this... *safe hugs if wanted*

Thank you Gerudo7. I am trying to keep her convinced that this is real, but she is very stubborn. Hopefully one day I can get her to accept. This will be a process, I know. Your reassurences help a lot, though.

Glad we could help! Hang in there

This post is proof of DID within itself. If you did not have DID, you would not refer to each other separately, by name, and you would not seem to have your own free will nor your own identity.

Co-consciousness and co-hosting exist within DID, and it means that more than one alter can be aware of what's going on in reality at the same time, and co-hosting means that more than one alter can also be in control of the body at the same time. So saying "She is aware of me writing this" is not an argument against DID, in fact, it only proves that you have co-consciousness happening, and co-consciousness happens within DID.


This thread might be helpful to you:

-- Helping a part going through denial?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic105138.html


Also, try making a list. List out all the symptoms you experience, all the dissociative experiences you have (doesn't have to be detailed, just a note to remind you they happened), all the reasons why DID "fits" you, basically list out all the proof for you having DID that you can and remind yourself of it and re-read it when things get tough. It helps me/Cassandra out (I don't feel like Cassandra right now but at the same time feel sorta obligated to say "me". We're probably co-conscious right now or something).


Best of luck. Hang in there, stay strong. Don't let denial win. As our icon says, "Hold On, Pain Ends. H.O.P.E."

- ??? (probably a mixture)

I'm not in denial. I promise. I just can't get Annabelle out of it. Thanks for the thread, Cassandra. I'll try some of the methods suggested. Hopefully it will work. She keeps dragging me back into denial too and I can't let that happen. We've come too far to sink back into that.

We were mainly posting to Annabelle, we know you're not in denial, Leslie (hang in there and stay strong!). We hope the thread is helpful to you, and if nothing else, just try to hang in there. Sometimes all one can do is hold on and wait for the storm to pass, because eventually, all storms do pass. If nothing else, just try to make sure that you don't slip back into denial. Maybe try making the lists of "DID proof" not only for yourself, but for Annabelle as well? I've heard it's helped, um, (sorry checking to make sure it's ok to say), I've heard it's helped my denial alter to be shown the lists I've made and read them, in the sense that it at least helps them to recognize DID as a possibility even if they don't yet agree that we have it or don't yet believe that we have it, it can at least be recognized as a possibility. I've also heard that such lists at least help my denial alter to realize that even if it's not DID, there is SOMETHING going on, this isn't just fake or lies or being made up, there is SOMETHING, so at the very least, maybe Annabelle can come to terms with the fact that there is indeed something that's most likely dissociative instead of trying to say that this is all role-playing or something.

Best of luck to you. Hope things improve soon.


-Cassandra

I don't feel like an alter! I feel like I'm Leslie's conscious. Maybe I've developed this sense of identity because the brain knows that it needs to get through to her somehow. I know there is something wrong, but I don't think it's DID. Not enough blacking out and voices aren't audible. They are only intrusive thoughts, but the brain is capable of that if somebody has a big imagination, right? The real issue is that Leslie and her 'alters' start feeling panicked and upset at te thought of not being real. How do I stop that so she can be normal again?

-- Thu Feb 28, 2013 1:47 pm --

Okay, then how do you explain the therapist thing where my secret was told without me remembering telling??

You probably told and forgot.