Therapist doesn´t want friend to read what parts wrote, dx

Note: I´ll post this in the DID, PTSD and BPD forum, as the topic touches on all of these.

Some of you in the DID forum may remember that I have a friend who told me she had been dx´ed as having DID. I have two questions and would be glad if some of could chime in to help me understand some things.

1. As mentioned above, my friend originally told me she had been diagnosed with DID. She later took back what she said about her diagnosis and corrected herself, saying that, besides her eating disorder, depression and anxiety, she "only" had PTSD and Borderline PD.

I am wondering if some of the things she seems to experience could be better explained by PTSD or BPD than DID. Of course, I am no professional and I don´t expect any of you to actually diagnose her (nor do any diagnoses nor labels do her justice as a person and friend). But I am still curious:

She keeps finding herself places she has no recollection of going, finding things she does not remember buying, finding out she has talked to or called people without remembering doing these things ect. She has also started a journal at her therapist´s request in which there is more than just her own handwriting. She does not remember having written the things that are in different handwriting. Plus, there is the chance that as soon as she holds a pen she will end up "zoning out" and drawing trauma-related things, some of which she does not remember happening, all of which she does not remember drawing.

Are these things also things that may happen if you do not have alternative personalities, as a part of alter-unrelated dissociation basically? I thought these things were relatively obviously pointing towards DID, especially since her therapists keep mentioning her "other parts" but I may be wrong, of course.

Which kind of leads me to my second question:

2. My friend´s therapist asked her to avoid having pencil, pen or anything that could be used for drawing near her to avoid her zoning out and drawing the things she does. Additionally, she asked my friend not to read the things that are not in my friend´s handwriting if she does not already know what was written. I do understand, seeing the images drawn or reading the things written without remembering either content nor drawing/writing it may very well be confusing, frightening and triggering to her. My friend is pretty unstable.

Do you think this is the only reason her therapist asked her not to draw or read those journal entries (in order to not upset her when she isn´t ready for these things yet) or do you know of any "therapeutic techniques" that include the patient not learning about these things? If so, what is the point of keeping them from her? Those are her memories, after all.

Oh, and I´m asking these things because I´d like to understand all this better, for one because I´m interested in this kind of stuff in general, but also, mainly, because I care about this friend very much. She´s a lovely person and I feel very lucky to have her in my life.

Thanks in advance if you have read all this and for any responses,

Camelidae

hi. Sorry to hear your friend is having trouble.

Re-Question 2

Sometimes my therapist has asked me not to do certain things - like read certain books etc..or she will give me a book minus one chapter - all with the purpose of protecting me from re-traumatization. That's my guess as to why a therapist would suggest those things to your friend - especially if your friend in in a vulnerable state-

Wow. I'm worried about all the mixed signals I sense through this post.

Firstly, from what I've read, though I'm no professional, it does sound like it's more DID than BPD, and DID is commonly misdiagnosed for BPD, psychosis, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder.

Here are some threads that might be helpful to you and your friend. I'd see how much seems to "fit" or "match" your friend and possibly bring it up to either them, their therapist, or both. (I'd recommend starting with the resource websites listed in the DID Resources thread, as that does a fairly good job at covering just about everything and explaining things).

-- This thread contains DID resource websites (that do a wonderful job explaining things, I think), and organized threads from this site that discuss discovery experiences, working on communicating and accepting alters, learning how to work with alters, all about alters, doubt/denial issues, common questions, symptoms, and much more:
- DDNOS/DID Resources: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html


-- This thread focuses more on the "causes" of DID, DID development, switching/co-consciousness/co-hosting (including what they are and symptoms/experiences), and has a couple great threads on communicating/accepting/understanding/working with alters:
- For all who question how they have DID/think their's is odd: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic104081.html



I'm also worried about your therapist not wanting your friend to draw or write, it seems. Some part of her obviously is trying to communicate something, or share something, or express themselves, and they should be allowed to do so. Even if your friend is unstable and these things can be triggering to them, that does not mean they should stop it altogether. If this is indeed a part of her trying to communicate or using art/writing as an outlet, then it needs to be heard, paid attention to, possibly even encouraged in small doses or a safe environment (like only drawing during therapy or something). It should not be stopped nor silenced altogether. This is different than avoiding things that can be triggering to you like movies or pictures or topics, this is coming from her/a part of her, and is obviously trying to get out/be expressed in some way, and bottling something that's trying to be expressed can be unhealthy and just like bottling up anger or something, can lead to an "explosion" of sorts.

I know that finding something you don't remember writing or drawing can be very scary, shocking, surprising, etc., but it's the process of acceptance. Alters/parts deserve to be heard, have outlets, express themselves, etc., just as much as anyone else. It can be hard to adjust to and accept and come to terms with, but it is necessary to do so in order to make progress and begin healing. If it's stopped altogether, it should only be stopped until your friend is a bit more stable, not stopped altogether forever or for too long. Your therapist should be helping your friend to accept her parts/alters, realize her parts/alters are there, and learn how to adjust to their existence along with learning how to communicate with them and accepting their communications and expressions, not sweeping this under the rug and saying "just don't do it so it doesn't happen". You might want to look further into this and ask the therapist themselves why they don't want your friend writing or drawing (it's perfectly understandable to not want you reading the writings for now, especially if the therapist is worried you might "promote" behaviours or a "self-diagnosis" of DID, but not wanting her to draw or write at all seems questionable to me).


I'm also worried that either your friend is in strong denial over having DID and that's why she changed her diagnosis, or if the therapist doesn't believe in DID or has misdiagnosed the DID for BPD. I would definitely look into this further if possible, or see what her therapist's reasoning was for changing the diagnosis, or something, if you are able to, of course. As a friend, there's only so much you can do.


The whole point of a DID system/alters is to help the host/main one "out" (which seems to be your friend) cope and function while seeming and acting as "normal" and "ok" as possible. If the DID is known about, if DID symptoms and alters are obvious, if alters are learned about, then that's not helping your friend to seem and act as normal and ok as possible. So alters try to "hide behind" the host and try to keep the symptoms hidden from the host as well, to try and help keep up the appearance of normality as much as possible. Where conflicts often arise is that alters are all trying to help the host survive the best way they know how. What this often results in, however, is that once the body is in a safer environment, you still have all these alters trying to help the host survive in different ways (the only ways they know how), to the best of their ability. This often causes conflict, since usually their survival tactics only apply to the unsafe environment, and thus only really "work" there. Now that they're out of the unsafe environment, their survival tactics aren't needed as much, but often times alters have a difficult time realizing that they don't need to survive anymore and that they're safe. You can also have alters who are unaware that they have DID or are alters themselves, so conflicts can arise in that aspect too.


I think I had more to say but I just lost it. Hope this was helpful in some way... Best of luck to both you and your friend.


-Cassandra

Camelidae wrote:She keeps finding herself places she has no recollection of going, finding things she does not remember buying, finding out she has talked to or called people without remembering doing these things ect. She has also started a journal at her therapist´s request in which there is more than just her own handwriting. She does not remember having written the things that are in different handwriting. Plus, there is the chance that as soon as she holds a pen she will end up "zoning out" and drawing trauma-related things, some of which she does not remember happening, all of which she does not remember drawing.

Those are all classic signs of DID. Some are specific things that indicate DID rather than something else.

Camelidae wrote:I thought these things were relatively obviously pointing towards DID, especially since her therapists keep mentioning her "other parts" but I may be wrong, of course.

I'm going to say it, I think you're right.

You say your friend is pretty unstable. A good therapist would encourage your friend to avoid doing things that trigger uncontrolled switches that cause serious stress or other problems. Unless someone with DID is hospitalized, it could be destabilizing and even unsafe to allow them to be overloaded with more trauma memory and information than they can absorb. I hope the therapist is just trying to have her explore these developments in a therapeutic environment. If you said your friend was stable, was given and accepted the DID diagnosis, had cooperation and communication among all parts, didn't lose time anymore, those instructions from the T would be suspect. Many therapists can be controlling, even with good intentions, but I'll assume this one is trying to be protective.

I'm only basing that on the stability issue. I'm comparatively stable with a cooperative system, so if I had a T who was instructing me as she's instructing your friend, I would be looking for another T. Hopefully the T is only suggesting no pen and no reading for the time being. But if your friend has DID, these are other parts of her who are trying to communicate and deserve and need to be heard. As Cassandra suggests, blocking all communication is a terrible long-term solution.

Journalgirl wrote:Re-Question 2

Sometimes my therapist has asked me not to do certain things - like read certain books etc..or she will give me a book minus one chapter - all with the purpose of protecting me from re-traumatization. That's my guess as to why a therapist would suggest those things to your friend - especially if your friend in in a vulnerable state-

Yes, at this point, I think you may very well be right.

tomboy24 wrote:Firstly, from what I've read, though I'm no professional, it does sound like it's more DID than BPD, and DID is commonly misdiagnosed for BPD, psychosis, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder.

Yes, I´ve heard about the misdiagnoses too.

Here are some threads that might be helpful to you and your friend.

Thanks!

I'm also worried about your therapist not wanting your friend to draw or write, it seems. Some part of her obviously is trying to communicate something, or share something, or express themselves, and they should be allowed to do so. Even if your friend is unstable and these things can be triggering to them, that does not mean they should stop it altogether. If this is indeed a part of her trying to communicate or using art/writing as an outlet, then it needs to be heard, paid attention to, possibly even encouraged in small doses or a safe environment (like only drawing during therapy or something). It should not be stopped nor silenced altogether. This is different than avoiding things that can be triggering to you like movies or pictures or topics, this is coming from her/a part of her, and is obviously trying to get out/be expressed in some way, and bottling something that's trying to be expressed can be unhealthy and just like bottling up anger or something, can lead to an "explosion" of sorts.

Yeah, I was worried about that too. I think what is missing atm is the safe environment you mentioned and that "coming back" and finding images of trauma and abuse he does not remember occuring can be very upsetting to her obviously, especially when alone at home while she is already unstable without these things on top of everything else. Then again I´m surprised they wouldn´t let her draw or write when we were in psych ward together, with doctors and nurses there all around the clock. I reckon it must have something to do with re-traumatization, as Journalgirl said.

I know that finding something you don't remember writing or drawing can be very scary, shocking, surprising, etc., but it's the process of acceptance. Alters/parts deserve to be heard, have outlets, express themselves, etc., just as much as anyone else. It can be hard to adjust to and accept and come to terms with, but it is necessary to do so in order to make progress and begin healing. If it's stopped altogether, it should only be stopped until your friend is a bit more stable, not stopped altogether forever or for too long. Your therapist should be helping your friend to accept her parts/alters, realize her parts/alters are there, and learn how to adjust to their existence along with learning how to communicate with them and accepting their communications and expressions, not sweeping this under the rug and saying "just don't do it so it doesn't happen".

For now I think she may be focusing on my friend´s communication between parts and her becoming aware of them, accepting they are there and dealing with, basically surviving, day-to-day life first before looking into any trauma more.

My friend is actually becoming more aware of when she is "drifting off" (possibly switching) and can, at times, take control in the sense that sometimes she can prevent it, delay it or come back more easily. She is also only learning to feel and express feeling at all, like allowing herself to cry and experience pain rather than shutting it off. Obviously, she´s very confused, overwhelmed and not feeling well atm, but the way I see it, this seem to be some pretty huge progress.

I'm also worried that either your friend is in strong denial over having DID and that's why she changed her diagnosis, or if the therapist doesn't believe in DID or has misdiagnosed the DID for BPD.

I thought that too. I talked to her the other day (yesterday actually) and apparently the diagnoses are from different therapists with the DID one being from her regular therapist who knows her best and sees her most often and the BPD one coming from the people in clinic. She only found out yesterday that the BPD one was in addition to the older DID one from her therapist at home, and that both apply. She sais she was really relieved because not knowing which was correct made her feel even more confused, seeing as both somewhat fit.

As a friend, there's only so much you can do.

Yeah, I realize this. I don´t want to interferre too much either, tbh. It´s my friend´s life after all, there is no use in doing all these things for her instead of her. I guess she needs to do all these things herself and that she is the only one who really can do anything (maybe her as a whole, not necessarily only her as the person I know, but still). All I can do as a friend is try to be there for her while she does it. From what I know, she´s had people control her and make her do things more than enough as it is already (and in their case it was not to help her).

The whole point of a DID system/alters is to help the host/main one "out" (which seems to be your friend) cope and function while seeming and acting as "normal" and "ok" as possible. If the DID is known about, if DID symptoms and alters are obvious, if alters are learned about, then that's not helping your friend to seem and act as normal and ok as possible. So alters try to "hide behind" the host and try to keep the symptoms hidden from the host as well, to try and help keep up the appearance of normality as much as possible. Where conflicts often arise is that alters are all trying to help the host survive the best way they know how. What this often results in, however, is that once the body is in a safer environment, you still have all these alters trying to help the host survive in different ways (the only ways they know how), to the best of their ability. This often causes conflict, since usually their survival tactics only apply to the unsafe environment, and thus only really "work" there. Now that they're out of the unsafe environment, their survival tactics aren't needed as much, but often times alters have a difficult time realizing that they don't need to survive anymore and that they're safe. You can also have alters who are unaware that they have DID or are alters themselves, so conflicts can arise in that aspect too.

Thanks for this in-detail explanation. Her regular therapist is only now learning to notice her zoning out (possibly switching?). (Though that may have something to do with the fact that my friend never mentioned she was doing it this often and intensly during therapy because she was ashamed of it and thought it meant she was incapable and stupid.)

I think I had more to say but I just lost it. Hope this was helpful in some way... Best of luck to both you and your friend.

It was. And thanks.

Johnny-Jack wrote:You say your friend is pretty unstable. A good therapist would encourage your friend to avoid doing things that trigger uncontrolled switches that cause serious stress or other problems. Unless someone with DID is hospitalized, it could be destabilizing and even unsafe to allow them to be overloaded with more trauma memory and information than they can absorb. I hope the therapist is just trying to have her explore these developments in a therapeutic environment. If you said your friend was stable, was given and accepted the DID diagnosis, had cooperation and communication among all parts, didn't lose time anymore, those instructions from the T would be suspect. Many therapists can be controlling, even with good intentions, but I'll assume this one is trying to be protective.

I really think you´re right, Johnny_Jack.

I´ve got a question though: Where is the difference between uncontrolled and controlled switches?

The way I understand it, it sound as if all switches would have to be uncontrolled if there was no communication between alters to plan ahead or stuff (which is probably the case with my friend, unless the other parts have good communication without her knowing or being aware of it.)

Thank you to everyone who responded!

Another question:

Do you think it´d make sense to mention the other parts in, say, the salutation part when writing to her for example?

I don´t want to make my friend feel uncomfortable, insecure, hurt, stupid, rejected as herself or like an "experiment" of mine ect., but neither anyone else (in case there are others). Then again, neither her nor I know of anyone else in the form of them having names, specific attributes, ages, personalities and characteristcs yet so this may as well be pretty inappropriate and pointless, if only at least at this point.

But even if there were for sure others with names and stuff, I still only know my friend in person and I´m first and foremost friends with her, so it might still be inappropriate and awkward if I did know about them (as opposed to actually knowing them). If I wrote to a non-multiple friend, I wouldn´t start off a letter by writing "Dear x and your whole family" or something like that either, after all.

Ah, I´m confused. I don´t want to make any mistakes or even think about this so much. I think this is my own BPD getting in the way here because I don´t want to risk hurting or losing her (OMGosh, abandonment and stuff!).

With switches, picture the body being like a car. There is usually one driver at the wheel, and the alter that's usually driving the most often is called the host, which would be your friend. With uncontrolled switches, it means that an alter was triggered by something, and triggers sorta "call out" or "bring out" an alter. So something in the environment, something that was heard, felt, thought of, experienced, etc., would trigger an alter out, and as a result your friend would be forced out of the driver's seat and another alter would be at the wheel and in control. With a controlled switch, the switch usually isn't forced, but it's done willfully. Imagine someone walking up to you and asking if they can drive your car around for a bit, and you agree. (Doesn't always happen like that, but it's a good general example). There may or may not be a trigger, but either way, with a controlled switch, the alters are usually aware of what's going on, and it's often "smoother" than a triggered switch (though not always "easier").

Like us, we can switch at-will between most of us, most of the time. We can either call for each other, or ask each other to come out/up front, or we all want to be up front/out and share as best as we can. ~The Hawk

But with a triggered switch, we don't get to choose who comes out, we don't get to delegate sharing control, we can't always get control back from the alter that was triggered out, stuff like that. What it feels like is... well, it's kinda like having a homing beacon, to be honest. You have these things that trigger you out, and if one of them happens, you find yourself sorta transported to the controls, or for some alters they end up fighting for control out of their responses to the trigger (like feeling the "need" to be in control, like to do something such as run away), and then yeah, next thing you know, you're out in control of the body. With a controlled switch, there's a lot more choice and decision to it, you usually get to think about it and have a choice to not switch out if you don't want to and such. ~Phenix




As for writing to your friend, until you start meeting alters and getting to know them, and until she's more comfortable with being multiple and such, I don't think there's any need to address her any differently. Remember, her alters are parts of her, and she's a part of them, and together they are all parts that make up the same person. Until everyone's a bit more comfortable with being known about and acknowledged and such, and until more is learned about the others, it's ok to not address them as multiple yet. I'd actually probably either wait until an alter contacts you, or wait until your friend starts to show more comfortability about everything or brings it up herself or something like that.


Glad to hear that things are getting figured out and more organized, and that she's getting the help she needs.


-Cassandra

Seems like in my friend´s case it´s mostly uncontrolled switches with her being "shoved aside". Her description at least sounded similiar to what you described. Thanks!