Uh oh **Trigger**

So, I have never drank alchol in my life. (Or so I assumed.) Last night I switched and Lori came out though and told my best friend and brother that she has drank some of my current gaurdians beer. What made matters worse is that Logan came out later and said that he wanted to drink some beer too.

I'm stuck. I want to give them their freedom, but I am highly against drinking. Besidse, they are too young anyway! I'M too young! I have no interest in getting involved with that kind of thing. My whole family had issues with substance abuse. I can't follow into those footsteps.

I want to compromise, but how can I convince two rebellious teenagers not to go down such a dark path when they seem determined to do so? I feel like a parent now.

I started, or I should say, Rebel (now Phenix) started drinking when we were 18.

Start with this. Why are you against drinking? What about it are you against? Are you against the negative things that can happen from it? Because drinking, like anything else in life, has it's positive aspects too. And if done responsibly, it's not a bad thing.


What age do you think it's appropriate to start drinking? I used to be the type where I was like, "I'm never going to drink, or do drugs, or anything, ever!" Now I drink occasionally (socially, rather, only when I'm at a party or something), I smoke marijuana to help me out with mental stuff (and for recreation), and I've done other drugs like LSD and MDMA/molly (not to be confused for ecstasy). For me, I've come to the conclusion that everyone should at least graduate high school first. You don't need to be adding drugs to the mix when you've got enough on your hands to deal with in high school, and your brain's still developing for the most part (your brain's still developing when you're 21, too, the legal drinking age, just not as much, at least, not enough to cause "protest" against the age).


Ask them why they want to drink. Are they curious? Do they think it might taste good? Do they just want to experiment and have fun? Or are they just "following the crowd"? Any reason is ok aside from "just following the crowd". Life is full of exploration, trying new things, being curious and being responsible when trying it, etc. Just because it's alcohol doesn't make it any different than trying a new activity when you get down to it.


My whole dad's side of the family has substance abuse issues, and yet I'm fine. And I will continue to stay fine. Why? Because I refuse to let us get addicted to any substance. I only drink socially or for a reason, I don't drink to drown my emotions or because I feel I need to. My family is full of alcoholics, and yet I have no problem with alcohol, and I plan to keep it that way. Just because your family has abuse issues does not mean you will as well. It means you could, but as long as you have a good head on your shoulders, and are aware of the risks, you should be ok, because that means you're going to be responsible and careful when you go about considering doing this.


Sometimes, we do indeed have to stay firm and just say "no", but we have to have valid reasons for backing up that "no", and we have to explain our "no" so that they can understand, even if they don't agree, where we're coming from and why we're saying "no".


-Cassandra

Lori is doing it to rebel (She seems to want to do everything that would tick people off.) and to drown out emotion and Logan is just copying her. :/

I just really don't like the idea of what drinking could do to OUR mind and body. A lot of why I developed this is because of adults in my life with drinking and drug addiction and I AM still in high school. What if they drink and I go to school drunk or with a hang over or something?

Also the thought of things like that going into my body puts me in panic modes because I am such a strong believer in never getting involved with that and what if they try to get into a car or get hurt or something? and what if I go to jail??? I have an extreme fear of cops.

-- Wed Feb 20, 2013 6:27 am --

and they are too young to make a decision like that, aren't they? I mean, what if they get addicted and want to back out of it later in life?

Hornet339 wrote:Lori is doing it to rebel (She seems to want to do everything that would tick people off.) and to drown out emotion and Logan is just copying her. :/

Never a good reason to start anything.

Hornet339 wrote:I just really don't like the idea of what drinking could do to OUR mind and body. A lot of why I developed this is because of adults in my life with drinking and drug addiction and I AM still in high school. What if they drink and I go to school drunk or with a hang over or something?

Make it a rule to at least not try drinking until you're out of high school, and explain your reasons. Enlist the help of older alters to keep the rule in place.

And again, please, read, my reply. You are not the same as the adults in your life, and just because you explore something like drinking doesn't mean you'll end up like them, or be like them, or anything like that.

Hornet339 wrote:Also the thought of things like that going into my body puts me in panic modes because I am such a strong believer in never getting involved with that and what if they try to get into a car or get hurt or something? and what if I go to jail??? I have an extreme fear of cops.

Please calm down. You are letting your fears reach an unnecessary and phobic level, and that's unhealthy.

It is possible to be a safe, responsible drinker, just as it's possible to be a responsible driver, a responsible person in general, etc. You can drink and be responsible, and they can drink and be responsible, though they might need guidance, guidelines, and to be taught responsibility to help them be so.

Hornet339 wrote:and they are too young to make a decision like that, aren't they? I mean, what if they get addicted and want to back out of it later in life?

Again, you only will get addicted if you allow yourself to get addicted and allow yourself to get to that "problem stage". And you cannot always worry about all the "what-ifs" of the future. You can risk ending up fearing everything if you do that. You're not going to know what the future holds, but as long as you do exploration safely and responsibly, you should be fine.


-Cassandra

I'm sorry. I have extremely over the top anxiety and possibilities of everything gets to me. I can hardly go into movie theaters anymore because I'm afraid of getting shot. :/ I'm not sure if you're familiar with the series of unfortunate events, but my brother often teases me because I am so much like the aunt who has so many extreme phobias. I have recently started therapy and am trying to get passed that. I know it's annoying.

It's not annoying to me, if anything, phobias are most annoying to those that have them. I simply didn't want you to get too worked up over this, so I was trying to help you realize to take a step back and calm down before you go into the spiral of "what-ifs" that I know all too well, and working yourself up when you don't need to. I am glad you've started therapy and know what you need to work on (just remember that it'll take time and don't expect things to get better overnight ). I am sorry you get teased for your phobias, though I can definitely relate.

-Cassandra

I wish I had better advice to give, as I know how tricky this sort of situation can be.

I think Cassandra brings up some good points. If you are completely against drinking, list your reasons for being against it, and have a talk with Lori and Logan, and explain your reasons to them. Let them know what you are afraid could happen. It is important, as Cassandra said, for them to know WHY you are saying no to them, otherwise they will just feel that you're trying to control them.

Hornet339 wrote:Lori is doing it to rebel (She seems to want to do everything that would tick people off.) and to drown out emotion and Logan is just copying her. :/

Maybe there are other ways you can provide for her to be able to rebel (we've let rebellious parts colour our hair - we've had it pink, blue and purple in the past ), and maybe you can try to provide some extra distractions (things that Lori would like) to help her when the emotions get too much. We all do things to drown out emotions, but they don't all have to be unhealthy ways. We read, we play video games, we go for a walk, we research topics that are interesting to us, etc. Maybe it would be helpful to have Lori write out a list of the things she enjoys doing, and if the emotions get too much, she can try some of those things instead.

Cassandra is right, you are not the same as the adults in your life, and drinking alcohol occasionally will not make you like them. We do understand your fears, though, we have dealt with similar concerns.

Hornet339 wrote:I feel like a parent now.

That, unfortunately, is a part of having DID. We often have to be the parental figure to the younger ones. We just have to try and do the best we can.

If it helps at all to hear, you're doing a great job. I know it probably doesn't feel like it much, but you are.