Sick Of This!! (Maybe Trigger)

ThatPerson wrote:I apologize for my part in this Shay. *Hi fives for you* I still have to say Thank you to Cassandra though. She has helped me understand a lot about myself, and has brought me peace of mind. This is something I have not been able to enjoy for quite some time.

Shay You have every right to be upset over being ignored. Maybe you should suggest a time frame for every one else to post and live life... Just a thought... Sorry if it offends... Um kinda Zoning out now so I'll leave it at this...

shay
thank
but
it
ok.

no
need
be
sorry.

shay
glad
thatperson
have
peace
of
mind
now.

shay
know
cassandra
do
good
with
helping
others
but
shay
tired
of
cassandra
not
helping
us
and
only
helping
others.

rain
and
others
try
giving
time
frame
but
it
not
work.

maybe
needs
be
revisited
and
compromised
on
then
maybe
work...





~s
h
a
y~

-- Sat Feb 16, 2013 4:37 pm --

Holy schlamoly, lots been going on, on the outside, since I've been on the inside! D@mn, Shay, I'm sorry, didn't know sh*t had gotten like this. We'll definitely have to address and work on this, and possibly revisit the host-change idea we were working on before I had seemingly gotten "stuck" inside. I think Cassandra's definitely getting overwhelmed with how many alters she's now aware of and knows. And who could blame her? I mean, the whole time she's been host, she's used to being aware of 4 alters, 5 tops! Now all of a sudden throughout the span of two years she's had to try to keep up with adjusting to a now whopping total of 20+ alters in her conscious awareness. That's a lot of change and adjustment going on and I know it's not easy to keep up with. Or maybe we can work out like a co-hosting plan or somethin' like that to help make it easier on her. Either way, rest assured Shay, we're not going to just dismiss these issues or anything. They will be giving attention and we'll try to work on them.


~The Hawk

Glad to hear you guys are going to work on the issues. (Only once you find you're ready will compromise once suggested work.) Okay thanks for that wisdom? That was weird... So Yeah... Hope you all have a blessed and productive day!

The alter who wrote part of that post doesn't write very intelligibly, so that's why I asked if you could write what you didn't understand. It isn't your guys's fault. I don't entirely agree what that part posted and moreover am not sure it applies, but I will do my best to explain.

Basically, we think that some parts aren't supposed to know about DID. For us, for example, our Normal will not accept any kind of psychological diagnosis. I don't know how to explain why. Our Normal will never accept that we have DID until we can deal with the underlying reason (which like I say, is... semi-unknown). We can explain until we are blue in the face, and our Normal will forget EVERYthing we've said. But we think that it is related to the fact that our Normal completely ignores our inner experience. Just like pretty much everyone in our life has for most of our life. (Host isn't very good at listening to our inner experience either; that's why we post threads to shout at her.)

We think that this invalidating environment is probably characteristic of people in DID in general. That they were regularly invalidated and had their inner experience ignored. The difficult-to-understand-alter thought that this was part of the genesis of DID, but I'm a little hesitant to agree with that. On the other hand, part of this is built into the nature of DID itself. If you have amnesia for things that your alters did, if someone says to you, "You did this," you're like, "No, I didn't," and they're like, "Yeah, you did." That's an example of invalidation.

The other thing is that each and every alter has to be convinced of DID. We think we have alters who have known about DID for a very long time (although don't quote me on that). We have one who thought it was likely since... the body was twelve or so. We have one who was convinced in... December? And we have one who was convinced last week. And these are the alters we can convince.

May I ask about the difficulty in beginning therapy?

When not used to taking care of oneself, it is difficult to start. But it is very, very important. Cassandra told me that herself 'cause she knows. You have to let everyone out, or they get mad and start interfering in increasingly spectacular, firework-y ways. If you don't take care of yourself, you fall apart too and then can't help nobody.

Coping with DID isn't easy all the time. It might be worth it for Cassandra to post a venting post about her difficulties?

Also want to say that... I'm not very good at helping, much less knowing what someone needs, but if there is any way that we can help, please let us know. We're rooting for you all!!!

michiru7422 wrote:Coping with DID isn't easy all the time. It might be worth it for Cassandra to post a venting post about her difficulties?

not
know
how
answer
other
stuff
right
now.



but
we
ask
cassandra
to
talk
about
cassandras
frustrations
and
typed
out
stuff.

will
post
in
new
thread.





~s
h
a
y~

Coming to this a bit late, I realise, but I wanted to say one thing: denial is natural. It's a stage that everyone has to go through when coming to terms with any big change in their lives. If I remember rightly, Cassandra et al., you've had grief counselling? So you know the stages of grieving. Denial is the first one. It's the same when coming to terms with any big loss or change in your life (and discovering DID certainly counts as a big change!) You have to go through the denial (and all the other stages) to reach acceptance. And it's not a linear thing, either. You don't just experience denial once, you'll go back to it each time something new surfaces, an aspect of this change or loss which you hadn't realised before. You, and everyone else on this board, will experience this over and over again. But I disagree with you when you say it won't help you to heal. It's part of the process. It's a protection against going too far, too fast, and getting overwhelmed. You can't get stuck in it, for sure, you need to work on going through it, but denial can't be avoided or got rid of. I'm sorry you're experiencing it pretty badly now, I know how painful it feels to all the parts who are being denied. But things WILL work themselves out eventually. Take care. And high-five to Shay

*Possible Trigger Warning*

*high
5*


cassandra
have
little
grief
counseling

shay
know
about
denial

shay
not
care

shay
done

tired

sick

done.


and
it
not
mainly
us
denial
shay
done
with

it
others
on
here

shay
sick
of
cassandra
having
say
same
thing
and
reassure
same
way
over
and
over
to
others
when
others
could
read
other
threads
and
see
what
they
need
right
there!!!!!!



shay
SICK
of
repeating
threads
and
repeating
replies
and
repeating
same
thing
over
and
over
again!!


shay
feel
like
no
one
read
or
look
for
own
answers
anymore!




shay
tired
of
all.


tired
of
other
peoples
denial

tired
of
us
denial

tired
of
cassandra
repeating
self
over
and
over
again.

done.

done
done
done.





~s
h
a
y~

-- Mon Feb 18, 2013 9:22 am --

michiru7422 wrote:The alter who wrote part of that post doesn't write very intelligibly, so that's why I asked if you could write what you didn't understand. It isn't your guys's fault. I don't entirely agree what that part posted and moreover am not sure it applies, but I will do my best to explain.

Basically, we think that some parts aren't supposed to know about DID. For us, for example, our Normal will not accept any kind of psychological diagnosis. I don't know how to explain why. Our Normal will never accept that we have DID until we can deal with the underlying reason (which like I say, is... semi-unknown). We can explain until we are blue in the face, and our Normal will forget EVERYthing we've said. But we think that it is related to the fact that our Normal completely ignores our inner experience. Just like pretty much everyone in our life has for most of our life. (Host isn't very good at listening to our inner experience either; that's why we post threads to shout at her.)

*Possible Trigger Warning*

that
fine

shay
still
sick
of
it

michiru7422 wrote:We think that this invalidating environment is probably characteristic of people in DID in general. That they were regularly invalidated and had their inner experience ignored. The difficult-to-understand-alter thought that this was part of the genesis of DID, but I'm a little hesitant to agree with that. On the other hand, part of this is built into the nature of DID itself. If you have amnesia for things that your alters did, if someone says to you, "You did this," you're like, "No, I didn't," and they're like, "Yeah, you did." That's an example of invalidation.

shay
know
invalidate

shay
been
invalidate

not
care

still
sick
of
it
all

explanation
not
always
count
as
excuse

michiru7422 wrote:May I ask about the difficulty in beginning therapy?

what
mean?

us
not
in
therapy

us
poor

no
money

no
job

no
insurance

no
disability

(they
deny
us!

let
shay
go
in.

full
on
shay

shay
could
get
it
me
bet)

so
finding
hard
get
back
in
therapy

michiru7422 wrote:When not used to taking care of oneself, it is difficult to start. But it is very, very important. Cassandra told me that herself 'cause she knows. You have to let everyone out, or they get mad and start interfering in increasingly spectacular, firework-y ways. If you don't take care of yourself, you fall apart too and then can't help nobody.

shay
think
we
been
falled
apart
for
so
long
cassandra
got
used
to
it
so
that
how
still
able
help
or
try
help
others

michiru7422 wrote:Coping with DID isn't easy all the time. It might be worth it for Cassandra to post a venting post about her difficulties?

did.

posted
"frustrations
of
a
host"
thread

michiru7422 wrote:Also want to say that... I'm not very good at helping, much less knowing what someone needs, but if there is any way that we can help, please let us know. We're rooting for you all!!!

us
never
seem
know
what
need
to
help
usselves

us
just
know
need
help
not
know
how
or
what

shay
think
it
because
us
need
therapy
help


thank
michiru7422
anyway





~s
h
a
y~

I know what you mean, Shay. I was wondering the same thing a few days ago actually. Why do people make new threads instead of using the search button? But, I guess it's the way this forum works. There are always new people, new alters, and the same old questions. Maybe it would be a good idea to make posts that will always stay up, sticky or i dunno what they're called so people could read those. And make them super highlighted and bold and say that they must be read could help. I don't know.

Maybe taking a break from this forum could help put your thoughts and priorities in order, putting yourselves before others first. I understand that you cannot get therapy, but maybe writing things down and discussing them with yourselves could help a bit. You can try helping people outside, like charity or something like the Red Cross, volunteering. These are only suggestions. I don't really know how I can help, except that we are here to listen if you want to. You can always PM us.

Hi Shay! I get it. I'd be sick of it too. I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here, I don't mean to offend anyone, but what I've observed happening recently is Cassandra sort of trying to work out her own denial by trying to convince everyone else on here to get out of denial: like if their DID is real then Cassandra's/yours must be too. It's a totally understandable impulse - a sort of 'vicarious healing' I suppose. But I think you guys need to convince Cassandra that she's not helping herself this way, and she's definitely not helping you! It also might be the case that she's not helping others as much as she possibly could if she had worked through all of this stuff herself. As regards people keeping on posting about it - well, the denial is a very personal, individual thing. It hits us all differently, and part of the way it works is to convince us that everyone else's DID could be real but ours probably isn't. Hence advice posted to other people is going to have very little impact on us. It's a bummer, but that seems to be how it works. There are plenty of other questions (like how to communicate with alters, for example) which could be answered via the 'Search' button, but I think the denial thing is just going to keep cropping up! There's not much you (all) can do to change that, therefore you need to convince Cassandra that her trying to fight denial by plugging away at it on here isn't helping you. God, hope this didn't sound too bossy or anything

I'm sorry for being a part of the problem I guess for some reason I feel like the answers I get would be different or that they would feel more valid because they're being directed at me... Sorry again.
Cassandra and everyone has helped so much but... I agree it's important to take care of yourself. You're worth it, Cassandra. I'm sorry things are difficult.
-G

Shay, I would to thank you on behalf of "the platoon" for, what seems to be triggering Gabrielle into a sort of acceptance. She does not believe any of us in here could be real but she has accepted that whatever it is, it's happening. She isn't fighting it and things have been going much more smoothly in these past couple of days.

- Vernadael "Eric" Teiryn

I just want to say, first, I'm sorry you're struggling right now. And, high fives. But, I can completely relate to all parts of you that are in this thread. When I first found this site I was obsessed... but I realized all the things that are being said here- dealing with my own denial by insisting to others how real their experiences are, dealing with my own helplessness by almost compulsively helping others (outside world too), getting overwhelmed by the "need" to reply to every problem that I thought I might have a helpful response to, and then realizing that this site was triggering me so bad that I just had to stop. From my own experience, I'd like to recommend that you find a sense of agency in the outside world... volunteering, taking a class, helping your roommates... anything that will ground you in the outside world and allow Cassandra to feel less "addicted" to this site. Also, perhaps it might be that spending so much time on this site is, in essence, a way of avoiding your own stuff. Don't get me wrong, I see that you often write about your own stuff on here... but you are most often very intellectual. And intellectualizing allows us all to avoid the emotional pain of truly dealing with our struggles. Just food for thought. In the end, to put it simply and bluntly, you HAVE to give yourself a break.