How reliable are the recollections? - * possible trigger *

The memory levee has broken

In recent months I have been recalling many events from my past including child sex abuse, rape, bullying at school. I have also discovered and find it almost unbelievable and extremely painful that I was used (drugged and my easily dissociative state taken advantage of) in a criminal conspiracy aimed at hurting someone else whom I cared for. I was fortunate that this friend recognized that I suffered from DID (he told me to get help on many occasions) and took some precautionary steps to protect me as I was incapable of defending myself because of the amnesia.

Before all these memories started coming back to me I was unaware that I suffered from DID. I feel like I now have all the pieces to the puzzle and are able to put them all together and can now understand why so many strangers have appeared throughout my life claiming to know me and have wanted closure on certain matters and I was always clueless on what they were talking about.

I have never ever given my imagination much credit but I feel, from what I have recalled, I have the content for a very good best selling novel. However, I'm beginning to doubt if any of these recollections are real at all. Is it likely that they could all be completely fabricated from scratch. I feel like I'm really out of my mind now. Please help

It is highly unlikely for all of these to be fabricated from scratch, especially to cause reactions from you like things finally making sense. That is a HUGE clue that this is, indeed, all very real. And I'm sorry for what you've experienced/gone through. Recollections are usually trustworthy, especially if they're flashbacks or come in flashbacks or cause emotional reactions for you/parts of you or help your life to make sense somehow or fill in gaps in memory that you once had or things like that.


-Cassandra

Hey... Your post reminds me of Issues I face often. I wanted to say This and hope it helps.
I have recently been flooded by memories, that I often watch from the side lines and feel no attachment to. When I do feel like it's my memories It often ends up disastrous. I often wonder if my "Memories" are real or not. In many cases It has been accidentally confirmed by family in a conversation. Other times I ask about it on purpose. My Mother got used to these questions and even my own question of whether or not I had really been sexually abused. She assured me there was no way I could be lying, though she couldn't understand how less that three months after it ended, after three to possibly four years of it, I had forgotten it, and even acted as though it had never happened unless brought to my attention. I suppose I say all this to say If you doubt yourself so, perhaps you should try digging into your own past and find people to cross reference the ones you doubt most. I wish you luck with your memory recovery and all the consequential problems that it may illicit.

We agree with Cassandra, it's highly unlikely that all of these recollections are fabricated. One or two, maybe, but the chances that they're all fabricated are very, very slim. Unfortunately, no one here can say for certain, but to us, it seems that most, if not all, of your recent recollections are of real incidents that happened.
We agree that the fact things have started to make sense since all of this come up is a real sign towards it all being real. Also, if you have DID (which seems to be the case, as even a friend noticed), something caused it. In something like 98% of DID cases, that something is trauma/abuse. It seems quite probable that, unfortunately, you did suffer from a lot of trauma growing up.

We understand the doubt surrounding the recollections, though. We (most of us) have always known there was abuse, and have always known many details of the abuse. But there are many recollections we've had over the years that we've doubted. It's not an easy thing to come to terms with, and doubting your experiences is a normal part of healing.

We're really sorry that you're struggling, not only with the recollections, but with the doubt. Neither are easy to deal with. Just know that you're not alone in this, and that you have support here.

Take gentle care as you work through this.
*safe hugs* if wanted.

(this post turned out to be mainly to myself, but may still be useful)
I'm currently having the same issue. How do I know it's real?

* possible trigger warning *

I had something that could be some sort of flashback. I was still present, still knew what was real, but I was halfway 'there'. I feel like most of it is still hidden (if it's real, which I still doubt) but what I saw wasn't exactly good to see (someone getting physically abused, me looking).

** trigger warning ** I suspect the ... * end *

Things that make me think it might be real are that ... huh? I tried to write the previous line but I just couldn't. Well, that's reason number one. I've never had this on this forum before, but I've had it very often when telling about dissociation-related stuff and writing the same stuff in front of people. Strange.
Second, it came with a (probably very mild) feeling of how it felt.
Third, I started being afraid / hating everything even remotely related to it.
Fourth, I kept thinking of it, and the (very mild) feeling kept coming back.
Fifth, I had slight pain in the involved areas.

Next try.
** Trigger warning ** Rape. ** end **
Ok, I'll leave it to that, as it's somehow really sensitive. Reason six.

Thing is, I never could have suspected it. No mentions whatsoever. Once (before suspecting this), I told my mother that, although not always, this is common for people with DID. And then she said something like that certainly never happened to me (doh).

Reasons why this might not be real: I've read too much about it, I wanted something like that ( ), hmm. Lame. Another: I wanted to get attention (that's certainly not me usually!). I couldn't be without on this forum. This just couldn't happen to me. My mother was right.
Guess denial is running full steam imagining alternatives. It are really lame reasons.

So, although it will need a bit more for final acceptance (extraordinary claims need extraordinary evidence), I guess I have to take this really serious.

Thanks to all of you who replied with your encouraging words and advice. Perhaps I have something else - Schizophrenia, Hysteria?

The friend (an unlikely acquaintance actually) I was talking about passed away recently. It was pictures of him that triggered the flashbacks. I refer to him as a friend as he tried to help me 20 years ago - at least that is what I have memory of. From what I can determine from the flash backs, the trauma of hurting him and the embarrassment coupled with the trauma of what happened to me was unbearable and I didn't have any memory of ever having known him before all these flashbacks. He has visited me a handful of times (unfortunately, this knowledge too, comes from the same stock pile of recollections) over the years since it happened and I have not recognized him or understood what he was talking about.

It is proving to be a difficult task verifying that the criminal conspiracy took place. The one person who I thought could shed some light is in his late 70's and he told me there were never any problems and says he has never met the victim at the center of it all - and it was he who I believe introduced us. Though, he may be covering up to protect this persons family.
My mother is also old and I know there is a lot she doesn't remember and if some of my memories are true, she has very good reason to forget.
My partner (almost 60) should also remember certain things but he has a bad memory also, possibly the same condition as me and would have also found things very embarrassing and painful at the time.

I have checked out the physical locations where some things took place and some of these are as I remember. Some not - but there may have been some development to buildings. Even a hotel suite - the marble bathroom finish is as I recall.

I swear, I didn't have any knowledge of dissociation or DID before all these flash backs began. I have recalled conversations with him in which his vocabulary is way more advanced than my own and I've had to look up the meaning of words on numerous occasions. When he told me back then, I had an "insidious condition" I thought he meant Schizophrenia and he became frustrated with me.

I'm going to go ahead and write down everything I can remember. At least I'll have the basis for a good novel - and if none of it is true, then no one can get hurt if I publish a book!

OhNoNotAgain wrote:The one person who I thought could shed some light is in his late 70's and he told me there were never any problems and says he has never met the victim at the center of it all - and it was he who I believe introduced us.

He could be telling the truth. He could be lying to protect himself or someone else. He could be another person who has DID or dissociative amnesia and the part you were talking to was unaware. What does your gut say?

OhNoNotAgain wrote:My partner (almost 60) should also remember certain things but he has a bad memory also, possibly the same condition as me

How long have you been aware of this? Have either of you had an assessment for dissociative disorders?

Una+ wrote:He could be telling the truth. He could be lying to protect himself or someone else. He could be another person who has DID or dissociative amnesia and the part you were talking to was unaware. What does your gut say?

I sense that he is happily retired with his girlfriend and couldn't care less about me nor does he want to revisit something awful that happened 20 years ago.

Una+ wrote:How long have you been aware of this? Have either of you had an assessment for dissociative disorders?

I've been aware of it for many years. I used to always put it down to alcohol until I learned about DID. He is high-functioning and successful but there is this redneck side to him that I see on occasion and dislike. I know he has recalled abuse from when he was a young child - so it is possible. He has never been assessed by any health professional. I've been diagnosed as dissociative.