Feeling anger *trigger*

*trigger warning: talk of emotions and the abuse I remember*

I feel abnormal, and it's fueling the constant level of denial.

I should feel anger toward my abusers. I should feel angry about what happened to us.

I should feel angry at the unknown man that lured me into his house at the age 6 and raped me. I should feel angry about this! The most I feel is a bit of sadness.

I should feel angry about my adoptive mother starving me, kicking me, pouring salt down my throat because Amelia got snappy with her during a kicking moment. Why don't I feel angry?!

I should feel angry about Danny being taught to torture animals, for having to witness the brutal killing and cutting up of an innocent cat.

I know that Amelia takes a lot of my anger, but I do get mad about other stuff. Why the hell am I not getting angry here, at least a little bit?

Something's wrong with me. I'm numb to it. What if I'm faulty? Or what if the denial thoughts are right, and that's why I can't feel any emotion toward it? Something is wrong with me, I know it.

You very well could be numb to it or perhaps some of your alters have taken the anger for you? I know that there are things that I feel no sadness or anger about hat I should, but the people that I feel inside of me have it instead. Like I don't have anything against females and have forgiven the **Trigger warning** Girls in my life who sexually took advantage of me.**Trigger end**
Logan takes it out on girls, though. He can hardly be around most of them.

I hardly feel fear about anything either, yet Lulu holds onto all of the things that I never feared or felt upset about in my past. Nor do I feel shame either. I remember blaming myself for the abuse in the past, but I came ot realize that it was not my fault. Logan feels shame,panic, and anger. Everything that I do not feel.

So, don't feel bad. This seems to be a normal part of DID. Not feeling.

-- Mon Feb 11, 2013 1:38 am --

and I am SO sorry about everything that you have endured in the past. If you ever need to talk about anything, you can feel free to PM me. Also, I face denial a lot as well. Maybe we can talk each other past the denial too. I don't know you, but I'm here for you if you need. ^^

Thank you, it feels better knowing I'm not the only one who doesn't feel things about what happened in the past.

It just makes everything seem fake. Like I saw it watching a movie instead of actually experiencing it.

It's kinda driving me nuts.

I'm not sure how to handle it to be honest.

And thank you for your offer. I get nervous PM'ing people, but I'll keep you in mind if I ever need it.