want to go away...go away anywhere...just disappear... *TW*

*Massive Trigger Warning: triggered ranting, possibly flashbacking*

I just want to go away... go away somewhere... disappear somehow... go away from this... from all this... go away... go away... go away... be away... disappear...

I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I can't stand this. I can't be here. I need to go! Somewhere! I need to go away from this!!

Puking means you're gonna die! You're gonna die! I'm gonna have to take you to the hospital and you're gonna die and you're not gonna stop puking and you'll die!

I have to go. I have to go somewhere. Anywhere. Away. Disappear. I don't wanna be here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. Away. Need to go away!

Run. Run and don't look back. Run until you can't run anymore, then get up and keep running. Run to the horizon. Run. Don't look. Don't listen. Run.

Puking equals dying! Puking equals dying! Puking equals dying!

Puke coming out the mouth. Blood coming out the eyes. Woman in a hospital bed. Who is that woman? Feel like I should know her. It can't be though. It can't be. It isn't. No no no no no.

Run. Run. Run. Run.

I need to go away! I need to go away! I can't be here! I can't be here! I can't do this! I can't handle this! I want to disappear!

Hate. Hurt. Anger. Confusion. Hate. Hate. Hurt. Hate. Hate. Fear. Hate. Fear. Hate. Anger. Hate. Fear. Hurt. Hate. Hate. Hate.

Puking equals dying! Puking equals dying!

*someone(s) crying*

Run.

I need to go away! I need to go away from here! From this! From everything! I can't take it anymore! I can't take it! I need to go away!

Hate. Hate. Fear. Hate. Anger. Fear. Hurt. Fear. Hurt. Anger. Hate. Hate. Hate.

Want to knock out to stop puking. Want to smash skull, force sleep. Stop the puking. Feel angry. His fault. His fault I'm seeing the pukey mouth and bloody eyes and the woman in the hospital bed. His fault. Want to hurt. Want to punish. Want to make scream and blubber and grovel apologies and regret. Want to hurt and punish. Want to see blood for real. His fault. Angry at him.

I need to go away, I need to go away, I need to go away. I can't take this, I can't take this, I can't take this.

Run.

*crying*

Can't sleep until he's ok. Must take care of. Must. Must. Must take care of however best able to. Must be there. Must be with. Can't sleep. Can't sleep. Can't sleep. Must be available if needed. Must. Can't sleep.

Run.

I need to go away I can't take this!!

Puking equals dying!!!!

His fault. Want to hurt. Want to punish. Punish!! Must make him pay!!!

Hate. Hurt. Hate. Fear. Hate. Anger. Hate. Confusion. Hate.

Can't sleep, can't sleep, can't sleep. Must take care of. Must.

I can't take this!! I'm going to explode!!!! Memories so strong, emotions so strong, so strong, so strong!!! I can't take this!! I need to go away!!!


~mixture of us

I'm sorry that you all are in so much distress and I'm sorry that there isn't much I can do other than let you know that I'm here listening. You aren't dying, puking does not equal death. It will be okay. Safe hugs if you want them, I hope you all feel better soon.
-Gabrielle, Eric says he's here too

(Dear me, I did not realize this would be so difficult. I can barely write this. I did not think the influence from the others would be this strong. To further explain, we, ourselves, aren't sick, but Michael drank far too much last night and made some other mistakes (such as not drinking water), and so he was sick for 3-4 hours, and vomiting is a major trigger for most of us).

Ah, I see. Thank you for the clarification. On that note, we're still here and listening with safe hugs for those who want them. It will be alright for you(all) and Michael. I do hope everyone feels better soon.
-G

I recommend deep breaths, calm music, and possibly a pillow fort. Please know that this shall pass and all will be well. Times are tough, yes, but it shall not last forever.

- Eric

hey, its ok. its ok. puking is scary. jess is petrified of it. she feels the same way about it; that it means death - suffocation, actually. but the truth is, it doesnt. Michael will be fine. but you can really help him a lot. i remember when jen was sick. she had food poisoning and was recommended to go to the emergency room, but jess's grandma wouldnt let her be taken. Sarah helped her through that nite.

hes feeling sick. hes probably feeling disoriented. so you have to be the clear thinker for him. remember that he is not dying. he put too much alcohol in his system at once, so his body is getting rid of it so that it doesnt hurt him. thats a good thing. so just help him. keep a bucket nearby so that he doesnt have to move when he feels it coming up. when he leans over the bucket, keep his hair out of his face as best you can. keep a cup of water refilled by him. when he pukes, if he thinks he can manage for a few minutes, clean out the bucket - jen says the smell alone is bad enough to make you want to puke again. most importantly, just remember that he is ok. this is a natural reaction to keep something harmful out. when people are poisoned through ingestion, the hospital pumps their stomach - makes them puke. thats because its good for you. it protects you. it can seem scary, but its Micahel's body making sure that there is nothing toxic in his system. its making sure hes ok so the hospital doesnt have to. so just be there for him, think for him, keep water by him and keep the bucket (relatively) clean. Michael will be fine and we are only a text away if you need us. in fact, ill be letting jen herself out shortly, and shes the best one you can have during a problem. youll be fine. your not alone.

it keeps happening over and over again!! he's been getting sick all day and can't eat anything and nothing helps and i can't take it anymore!! i just want it all to stop and him to stop getting sick and everything to stop!!! if he keeps getting sick then we hafta take him to the emrgency room and then it's just like mom and then he won't come out of the emergencyr room and and and and... he syas he's gonna try to just drink water and not eat anything and not move around much but if the water dusn't stay down then we hafta take him in and then we gotta go in and we hafta go in with him cuz we can't be in the waiting room and then we gotta face the doctor and and and... i just want it to stop!! i want him to stop getting sick!! i want things to work and help!! i want all of this to stop!! i need it to stop!!! nothing i do helps!! i can't help him like i culdn't help mommy and and and... i can't do it!! i just need it all to stop!!!!


-cassie

Try to take a deep, get something that comforts you like a stuffed animal. Take a moment to just breath and relax.Go into to another room and take some time to calm down.

You're not going to be able to handle this until you calm yourself. And keep remembering: you are strong. Repeat it to yourself, you're strong and you can handle this, okay?

It's not certain he has to go to the hospital yet, just get some water into him and try to not think of the hospital until you absolutely have to.

Everything is going to be okay, even if he does go to the doctor, everything will be fine. What happened before to make you afraid is not going to happen again. Repeat that to yourself.

You're in my thoughts, and if you want them, prayers.

Shhh, it's alright, honey. It'll be okay. stomach bugs are rough, but Michael and you and everyone will make it through alright. I'm so so sorry about what happened to your mother but it will be okay this time. This sounds similar to something Gabrielle had a couple of times. The vomiting stopped after a day or so and she was back to tip-top within the week. no doctors or hospital in sight!
Everyone will just need to take it easy for a little while. You're helping plenty, Cassidy et al. You're there and helping and being supportive (at least, that's what I'm getting) and while that may be all you can to for the moment, please believe me when I say it is a wonderful help.
I'm sorry things are hard for you right now, dear. I offer as many safe hugs and kind words as you need so long as you want them. Things will get better. Good luck, honey, you're doing a fantastic job and you're being very strong. I'm proud of you, for what that's worth.

- Janus

i'm so tired and my ribs hurt and everything replays over and over again and i can't make it stop... i can't take it if he keeps getting sick!! i can't!! it's too much!! i just want it all to stop.... just want everything to just stop...

i have moo cow and my teddy bear with me but they don't help mikey to get better...


-cassie

mike
is
bit
better
now.

can
hold
down
water.




shay
finally
able
to
smoke
bit.

help
so
much.

calm
down.

stop
flashing
images
for
others.

make
everything
better.




shay
going
to
eat
dinner
then
go
to
sleep.

us
only
sleep
4
hours
since
yesterday
7:45am




shay
maybe
watch
movie
first
though





~s
h
a
y~