Sleeping problems *triggers, ranting!*

Hiya all.

I am officially DONE with our sleeping problems!!! I can't f**ng function, I can't work, I can't do sh*t f**ng anything when I'm sleep deprivated!!! D:< Eating is doing better but sleeping is just a joke!!!


*Triggers!*
I always remember, when we were first time dragged out of our bed by our a-parents that were supposed to protect us, and how they beat and sexually abused us. After that...we realized that sleeping is dangerous. Sleeping is not right. Sleeping is out of question!!! And I always remember, how our a-dad came to our room and started touching us and finally raped us. We. Couldn't. Sleep!!!!!!! At all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Triggers end*

Still today, those nightmares come back when we head to sleep. When we try to fall asleep, when we try to peacefully rest... And then the flashbacks hit like sh*t and start freaking parts out and we loose our ability to fall asleep. And then we sleep around the day and basically stay awake the next whole night. T_T

Basically the same goes with sexuality. Certain (usually portrayed) good feelings awoke sh*tloads of flashbacks and everything goes to h*ll and we can't be ourselves sexually or in any fr**ing way!!!! I'M FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SUFFOCATING ON THIS F***NG SH*T!!!!!!!!

How to fix this...???? How to sleep without being hit by flashbacks, how to be ourselves without being hit by tormenting flashbacks???? Our ability to breathe has been a problem too - it's like we hold our breathe 87% of the day!!!!!!!! We are dying in here!!!!!!!! We broke a f**ng coffee mug today and it was our boss's favourite mug!!!!! I gotta f**ng buy a new one... T_T

I'm so sorry boss...

I can't help much right now, but I just wanted to let you know that you're being heard, and I'm sorry for all your difficulties with sleeping. We have struggles sleeping too, especially lately, so you're not alone. *safe hugs if wanted*

-Cassandra

tomboy24 wrote:I can't help much right now, but I just wanted to let you know that you're being heard, and I'm sorry for all your difficulties with sleeping. We have struggles sleeping too, especially lately, so you're not alone. *safe hugs if wanted*

-Cassandra

Hi.

Thanks for the ears. Sleeping problems suck. T_T They really mess up everything even if things would be somewhat alright in other fields.

Yesterday night we slept pretty well. Had to go to loo once but afterwards we fell asleep easily. I'm just afraid of getting flashbacks of attacks when we are about to fall asleep. And then there are nightmares - nightmares of the past. We basically wake up from nightmare into another nightmare. How the h*ll are you supposed to live like that!!!!????

*Possible Trigger Warning*

i dream of what some would call nightmares... i awake into living nightmares... i laugh in the faces of them... i sing and smile despite them... i laugh at their attempts to scare me, to make me cry, to make me cower... i will not do any such thing... i laugh, and i smile, and i sing, i sing my song to myself, and i laugh... i laugh at the darkness... i laugh at the nightmares, both sleeping and awake... i laugh and smile and have fun, turning everything into my dark playground...


*Massive Trigger Warning: Cassidy's "song" is the Freddy Kruegar song. I will be making her text smaller*

1, 2, freddy's coming for you. 3, 4, better shut the door. 5, 6, grab your crucifix. 7, 8, better stay up late. 9, 10, never sleep again.

*End Trigger Warning*

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that I've always had sleeping problems too since I was little bc of the same issues. I would "sleep" bc I was told I had to, and I honestly wanted to escape anyway, but I never actually "slept". Most of my life I slept in a half in half out or very light sleep. The smallest sound would instantly wake me up. A few years ago I finally told myself, "I need sleep. I have to sleep. It's safe to sleep now." Now, I sleep like a rock...a fire alarm couldn't wake me up.

Maybe try a meditation/self hypnosis thing when you lay down to go to bed. You could try reminding yourself every night that it's safe to sleep now and that none of you are going to accept any flashbacks while your asleep. This really helped me start being able to fall asleep and get better quality sleep.

Have you every tried binaural beats? They work wonders! If you have a smart phone there are tons of apps for it. I have one in particular I use that has a "deep meditation" beat that knocks me out within minutes even with the mind chatter. If anyone would like to know what it is, you can PM me. I believe it's 99 cents in the apple app store, I'm not sure if it's on android. If you don't have a smart phone, you can find them online too.

I hope this helps and I hope everyone can start getting some better sleep!

I don't generally get nightmares, but I can sort of make good dreams (?).

When I was growing up, before sleep, I was scared for unknown reasons. I would close my eyes and go to the inner world. Um... in our inner world (it's a house), there's a long hallway with lots and lots of doors. When you open a door, you can go to a different world. If it's a scary world, you close the door on it and try a different door, until you get to a good (not-scary) world. We could tell just by opening the door usually if it was a scary world or not.

And when I was done exploring, I'd either be asleep or have had a "good dream".

If it's a really cool world and you remember enough of it, you can go back to it lots and lots of nights. We'd end up with a sort of shortcut to that world by just remembering where I was before.