♪I have a problem♪ Somebody, Anybody, Talk to me. Help!

Sometimes alters can find it funny with the fact that they know why something was said/done in a certain way, but the host doesn't. It's not necessarily the fact that causing you confusion is funny, it's more like... well I can't think of what it's like, but it's a different kind of funny. Calm down, take some deep breaths, and don't freak out or anything. I think there's a possible part/alter of you that would like to be heard/listened to, hence why "you" typed that. You're not alone in these types of experiences or confusion, remember that. Maybe try asking what "you" would like someone to listen to/hear/read? Otherwise, just try to keep calm and relax. If you need to, take a break from this and get lost in a positive distraction, like a favorite movie or something. You can't try or expect to figure everything immediately.

-Cassandra

Logically I know this... But why here? A little voice says "Manipulation! You have no choice but to deal with it if it happens in public. Especially around those who can call your falsities and confirm your doubts. What better place to be noticed than in a place where others can help?" And that was kinda nifty... I put the parenthesis there and then words just kinda came.... Like in the journal or in Microsoft... Though admitting that's a little embarrassing probably from instinctual habit...

Feeling safe is HUGE for alters. They need to feel safe otherwise they'll stay hidden in order to not risk being disbelieved, ignored, punished even for "acting" or "lying", made fun of, etc. This is indeed the perfect place for alters to start making themselves known, as this is a very safe, supportive, and understanding place. This is also why people often don't realize they have DID until later on in life, because usually later on in life the environment has changed, usually becoming safer, the person has gotten older and can handle/understand more things such as the concept of DID, and usually, the original abusers aren't around anymore. Thus, alters will then feel more comfortable not hiding and making themselves a bit more known and making things more obvious and such. Especially with the things you've posted about your mother calling you a liar and such, of course any possible alters you have are going to stay hidden! They've learned that they need to stay hidden or else they'll be punished. But that's not true here. They can be themselves and be known here and it's safe. Hence, why they seem to be surfacing.

-Cassandra

That would make sense... I my memories start (The ones that aren't a picture, or like... Ten seconds) about a year ago... Shortly after I moved out of my Mothers house... Coincidentally(?), The problems started six months ago. They were so unnoticeable then that I didn't notice at all. Then After my friend introduced me his boyfriend, 4 or 5 months ago, crap has started to hit the fan. I don't clearly remember buying the journal though... I don't remember at all, Not even a trace, Buying an extra three pack of lead though... *Frowns a bit*

Has any one ever felt the precise moment some one else takes control?

Yes, and actually now as time has gone on and my awareness of everything has increased, I can almost always feel it every time.

-Cassandra

What does it feel like?

Well, it's going to be different for everyone, so don't think you're going to feel the same way as I do and don't expect yourself to have the same experience.


It's kinda hard to explain, really. Sometimes I'll get a tingly feeling all over my body and just feel so...detached for a minute, and then I know that I'm not the one running the show anymore. But pretty much all the time, it feels like... variations of someone getting in front of you. Like picture yourself standing there, talking to another person. Now picture someone else coming in and getting in front of you some how, either by shoving you out of the way, gently "bumping" you out of the way, casually stepping in front of you, sneakily "cutting" in front of you, being polite and asking if they can stand in front of you or "interrupt" or talk to the other person, etc. That's what it feels like. It feels like someone else getting in front of you in one of the many varieties of ways that they're able to do that. (Usually, the most common feeling for me is being shoved or gently "bumped" out of the way).


But if I don't notice it, I can almost always tell when I'm not in control anymore because I recognize when I'm in the "background". It's kinda like... being in the backseat of a car, watching someone else drive, that sorta "looking over the shoulder" feeling, you know?


-Cassandra

I was only wondering because I had this weird happenstance... Well I Was in pain and stuff and I kinda felt like... I dunno... Pushed... Kinda like flipping a switch? Then I didn't feel any pain. Or any thing else really... Not really an unusual feeling... But I see it differently now. Then I "heard" in a loud thought Once you accept pain as a constant of existence it stops being pain and you can even enjoy it if you enjoy existence... I was a bit (A lot) unnerved by the familiarity of it and the fact that It happens kinda often for various and assorted reasons...

Definitely sounds like there could be switching going on to me. It sounds like you're being co-conscious at that point with someone else. Flipping a switch is definitely another way for me to describe how it feels when someone else is now in control or at the very least with me "up front".

-Cassandra