Emotional Whiplash

Hi everyone, I know I haven't posted in a while but I wanted to ask you guys for advice, if any, on how to deal with emotional whiplash. What I mean by that is that whenever I am feeling a particularly strong emotion we all seem to go through aftershocks of other strong emotions.

For example;

A couple days ago I got very frustrated in my life drawing class, this lead to all out anger then sadness and finally it caused me to drop into a serious depression. It was like I and my alts were playing emotional pinball. I got frustrated which then bounced it over to Malice who got angry, which scared Peter, which caused me to feel ashamed for getting angry which triggered a depression from one of us (I'm still trying to discover if Peter is the source of my depression or if it's someone I haven't met yet.)

This sort of Emotional roller coaster is nothing new for me, in fact, it happens every time we get angry, sad or even really happy. I go through a similar rebound after i have been at a party say. It's like I simply can't sustain strong emotions and then don't know how to react. Not only that, but sometimes, one of us will be feeling a particularly powerful emotion while the others aren't and I'll find myself crying without having any connection to it. What I mean by that is that I (Ted) will not be feeling sad or upset and yet tears are streaming down my face anyway.

Finally, Peter especially seems to react strongly to selflessness, kindness, or comforting imagery. One of us also has a strong reaction powerful things like a battle scene, a strong crescendo in a musical score, or even people playing Taiko drums. I'm not sure who, because Peter says he's okay with them. But there it is.

I was wondering if any of you suffer from emotional whiplash like this and if so, how yall deal with it.

*raises hand* ooh- me, me! Ok. without going on too long - I know what you mean! So. How did I deal. First; to realize that the reason I was going through this roller coaster is that I had been taught to 1) not trust my own feelings and 2) not have feelings. My parents expected perfection. The child is seen not heard thing. And yet they were dysfunctional - BPD/alcoholic. So their behavior was unpredictable. The 'rules' were unpredictable. The responses to same-type behavior was never the same.

given this environment - it was not ok for me to be sad, angry, hurt, confused, ashamed, sorry, happy, joyful, anything but flat-emotion. So...ANY emotion would send me into fear, worry, shame, anger, helplessness etc....

Therefore = the first thing to do is realize whatever emotion you are feeling at the time is OK. It is YOURS to have. No one else is living in that moment with your perspective of that moment...but you.
So if you are frustrated - be frustrated.

I learned it is ok to have EVERY emotion - it is just what we do (action) that is important....

Next: allow yourself the grace and compassion to have those negative emotions. It is ok to normalize it - to say to yourself or contemplate - hmmm....have other people in my situation felt the same way? (ie...someone else who is in a drawing class maybe get something not quite right, or not graded the way they'd like and be frustrated by it?) if you can even say 'maybe' then you know that it's normal.

those are the two biggest pieces of advice. To realize you have (through your system) controlled most of your emotions by assigning them to others or keeping them inside...most likely to protect yourself. And that all of the emotions you have described are perfectly normal.

If you are feeling or someone is feelig 'yeah but.....' chase that thought. But what? But you aren't supposed to? You aren't allowed to? You are better than that?

Sweetie - you are just like the rest of us...all have been there at one time or another.

oh...and when this happens (as it does sometimes) where someone is angry and it scares someone else...we try to take it as a teachable moment. Sometimes we have to say we're sorry "I wish I could have handled it better...if I could...I would have done/said this instead of this" if we are inappropriate with our anger/etc..

hope that helps...

I can't say much right now 'cause I'm super fuzzy but I wanted to let you know that yes! I experience/have experienced everything you're talking about. The pinball emotions, the emotional whiplash, the roller coaster, other emotions sprouting from thinking I shouldn't have felt/reacted that way or that strongly, etc. So you're definitely not alone.


-Cassandra

Thanks for your help guys, We really appreciate it.

I think the big problem is that all growing up I have been taught to keep my anger in check, I was told repeatedly not to react, not to rise. The problem of course is that suppressing my anger and constantly swallowing retorts I wanted to say only fed Malice. The ultimate result is that Malice is now a being of more or less pure hatred and rage powered by 25 years of suppressed fury.

Nowadays, when I get angry I have two base reactions to it. Firstly, I feel ashamed that I lost my cool that way (That's my parents talking. You know, "Just ignore it... let it go.. etc). And secondly I become nervous that if I become to angry that malice might break loose (he usually does when my anger meter goes into the red zone) and if he does manage to get control of me God only knows what he'll do. So I worry about that quite a lot as well.

I was the "Malice" for Cassandra. All of her rage, her hatred, her anger, all her defiance, everything she was afraid to express and that had consequences for expressing was bottled up in me, who had the guts to express it, who didn't care about raging, who did not give a flying f*#k what the consequences were. And I showed it, too. Anytime Cassandra anger reached a certain level, usually an overwhelming sense of frustration and helplessness at not being able to do anything or express anything, I'd come out, and I'd explode like a wildfire, releasing all anger and burning everything and everyone in my path.

I don't think I was the only "Malice" though. Certain hatred, like collected, calculating hatred, was put into "Hannibal" I'm sure (we've given him that name after Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter from the Silence of the Lambs movie series). But all pure, raw, anger and rage, with no care about the consequences, was what I embraced, what I fed off of, what I lived off of, and what was bottled up in me.

Obviously, I've improved from what I was, otherwise I wouldn't be here typing right now. This means there is hope for Malice as well. It will take time, work, help, patience, and perseverance, but Malice can learn to control the anger instead of letting the anger control him. He can learn safe outlets for his anger so it's not always exploding out or bottling up or reaching dangerous levels. He can learn how to tame his anger, learning calming techniques, and how to "take a step back" before reacting blindly through emotion. I say he can because I was able to learn it, and I never believed that I could change, or that it was possible for me to change, or anything like that. I used to have Cassandra fearing getting angry, because that was a risk for me coming out. Now I have Cassandra asking me to help her express her anger when it's appropriate, and in turn, I'm also learning how to appropriately express my own anger, as well as help her have the guts to express her's.


I think I had more to say, but I lost it, and I'm starting to get fuzzy.


-KAT