Another insight...

When I was 20, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 1 with severe manic episodes. I am 24 now. In the past year, my medication wasn't working, but due to the manic feeling, I never said anything. I was manic for a year and a half. In that year, I started losing time, and it has caused some problems for me. I finally had a moment of clarity and then checked myself into the hospital and spent 6 days in the psych ward where we got me on new medications that have kept the bipolar in check, but I still am losing time.

A little more about me; I hear voices in my head, I know that these are the alters that take over when I lose time, I have also had moments of co-consciousness. I don't know names, because they haven't expressed any inside my head. Today, I was watching TV and lost about 10 minutes, when I came to I had a knife in my right hand and I was cutting myself. (Make note that I am left handed.) I called my therapist right away, but since I have not been formally diagnosed with DID, I don't think she understands what is going on in my head.

Has this happened to other people? Has an alter made you hurt yourself? I have never had suicidal thoughts or thoughts of cutting myself. I am, in fact, quite the opposite of that. I hate pain, and I think that is what brought me back to conscious.

I was just curious as to what people who have DID thought about this. Does it sound like DID, or am I dealing with another disorder.

Carneybaby88 wrote:Has this happened to other people? Has an alter made you hurt yourself?

Yes Grace was very suicidal and into self mutilation.

Carneybaby88 wrote:I was just curious as to what people who have DID thought about this. Does it sound like DID, or am I dealing with another disorder.

To me it does sound like DID but I'm not a psych so I cant say for sure.
But keep talking to you're T about what you're going through explain everything you can.

I wasn't able to read your post all the way through, sorry, I'm really fuzzy right now.

But my advice to you would be to look through these threads, see if any symptoms, experiences, feelings, thoughts, etc., "fit" you or if you identify with any of them, and then if you do, start looking into the possibility of you having DID further, because you might be on the right track.

As a note right now, know that DID is commonly misdiagnosed for schizophrenia, psychosis, borderline personality disorder, and even biploar disorder.


-- This thread contains DID resource websites along with organized threads from this site that discuss discovery experiences, symptoms, common questions (including "Is this DID?"), communication with alters, accepting/understanding alters, doubt/denial issues, therapy issues, and much more:
- DDNOS/DID Resoucres: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html


-- This thread focuses on the "causes" of DID, how DID develops, switching/co-consciousness/co-hosting (including symptoms of these things), doubt/denial issues, and has a couple good threads on communicating/accepting/understanding/working with alters:
- For all who question how they have DID/think their's is odd: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic104081.html



-Cassandra

*trigger warning*

I'm Theresa, an alter of Jo, and I'm a cutter and I'm suicidal. I've cut the body more times then I can count. But I try not to do that anymore. Instead I mark "cuts" on the skin with a red marker or I smoke tons of cigarettes (just lit one in fact). I've even tried to commit suicide a few times. But Jo has experienced that as well because of me.

What made me try to stop is people, especially Jo, started talking to me. They got me to open up a little and make me think why I was doing it. Her and her husband tell me they love me, an experience I've never had before. So try talking in your head to this alter. You don't know the name, but you can simply say "I'd like to talk to the one who cut us." Then start talking, say you don't want them to do that, say you are always here to talk to. Stuff like that. - Theresa

It does sound like DID, but you can't know before until you talk to a professional. I have Bipolar Type 2, so I understand the craziness of having mood swings and lost time, especially at the same time (my alters Theresa and Amelia are triggered out by mood swings).

I'm sorry I don't have much to say, but don't worry, you're not alone in this.

Thank you for your insights.
Last night after the cutting incident, I told all the alters in my head I wanted to talk to them. They finally listened to me, and even gave me names and a little bit of background. I told that to my therapist today, she made an emergency appointment with me, and she agrees with the DID diagnosis. So far I have three that have come forward and talked to me.
Jackson- He is the "alter wrangler" as he puts it. He makes sure that they are staying in check and not being stupid.
Andy- He is loud, obnoxious, and your pretty typical teenager. He isn't mean, but he has stolen, which has gotten me into a lot of trouble.
Lexi- She is an emotional teenage girl. I asked her last night to stop with the cutting, and she apologized, said she would try and stop.

I know there are at least 2 more alters, but they didn't want to talk to me at that point in time I guess. My therapist said that I should keep looking for what triggers a switch. I know a lot of it has to do with my mood.
For instance, one day an alter had cleaned the entire house, and when my mom came home, that is when I transitioned back. I am currently housebound without a license or a car, so boredom and monotony of the day made it happen. I've also had issues with being to excited or being depressed. So now it's just a matter of figuring out how to co-exist with my alters.

Carneybaby88 wrote:(Make note that I am left handed.)

This is very well possible! Different handedness, different habits, different abilities, heck, even different eyesight is possible and common!

Carneybaby88 wrote:and she agrees with the DID diagnosis.

That was quick! (My T has preliminary diagnosed with DDNOS, but still refers to them as 'modi', as it still feels like just a different mood, while they're probably much more). Diagnosis usually takes longer. You seem to have an understanding T!

(*slight trigger?*)
I think - assume - I have a very depressed alter (which hasn't shown herself - I believe she's female - in a long time). She has very low self esteem. Just talking to her, listening to her, understanding her, telling everything is going to be OK etc. immensely helped with the suicidal thoughts. I believe it's currently just that - thoughts - not a real intention (luckily!!) Just treat them like real persons. And just to be clear, I'm not depressed at all! Let alone suicidal . (Well, technically, I have dysthimia, which is a kind of long-term slight depression, but I mostly don't care about that ).

I spent a week in the psych ward and they were hinting towards DID while I was there, but did not have it on the diagnosis sheet when I was discharged. Thankfully some of the alters came forward and talked to me about the cutting incident, and my therapist decided their initial thoughts were probably correct. I'm still learning a lot about the disorder, so getting to know my alters seems like that is step 1 I should take. So far none have come out and identified themselves to other people, I'm assuming that's a comfort thing? Would that be correct?

It could definitely be a comfort thing, or a safety thing. My alters didn't start coming out until I was in a completely safe environment, one that my husband created. And even then the three that first came out (Nadia, Theresa, and Amelia) pretended to be me at different ages to test just how safe my husband was.

So alters need a comfortable, safe environment if they're going to come out fir the first time as themselves. But every system is different, some alters don't need that.

wronlesson: I agree - DID is 'meant' to stay hidden, so the alters won't just come out. And if they come, they won't normally just pretend to be someone different (it does happen, though).

I'm switching all the time, it seems (often without being aware of it, because I'm probably so used to not being in control ) and all of them pretend to be me. Whenever things become personal they either fall silent, avoid the subject or let me talk thorough / handle the situation by switching (whatever is happening, still have to figure this out).

It all depends. They're probably used to hiding. (If I understand DID correctly, at least some of them have been out before.)

Congratulations on such awesome progress!!!

It's not only a comfort thing. It's the fact that a DID system is meant to stay hidden. The whole point of a DID system is to help the host/main one "out", which seems to be you, function and cope while seeming as "normal" and "ok" as possible. If your DID/alters are obvious, that's not exactly helping you to seem as "normal" and "ok" as possible, so they hide, they act "through" the host, they can start making you doubt yourself, they might feel threatened about being known about/"found out", they might still think it's unsafe for them to come "out" and be known, or the oh-so-awesome, often subconscious and reflexive defensive mechanism of doubt/denial can happen to try and help the DID system hide and be forgotten about again so you can go back to seeming as "normal" and "ok" as possible.

Give it some time, and try to make your environment feel as safe to you as possible. The better you feel, the better your alters may feel, and that can help with both communication and them coming forward/"out".


-Cassandra