Life On The Inside

Did I ever mention how it drives me up the goddamn wall that I'm stuck in this body? AND happen to think Sam's best friend is absolutely ######6 beautiful. *sigh* If only...man...the things I would do...she's just awesome. Makes a guy's head spin and get all messed up. *grin* Sam's mad at me, but ###$ it. I LOVE this chick (her alters are aight, one is a bit of a jerk but enh, we've got a bros understanding, the other one is so freaking cute). So much. She's so much awesome. Like if I only I wasn't stuck in here. And looked like I'm supposed (and y'know....had my balls... -_- nothing like living like a genderless thing). I swear to god I'd lick her boots just to hear her laugh. Its so ######6 hard to go to class and be a good alter and take notes like I'm supposed to I just wanna be with her and near her and keep an eye on her and protect her. Did I also mention I can't speak? Ugh...its hard to be a cassanova when you're stuck to pen and paper dude...and I suppose sign language if I learn. I'd like to speak, honest, but I just can't find my voice, heavy jaws and all that crap. Sam sorta likes her too---the others don't do girls so much which sucks and messes Sam right up (silly girl, she's gotta learn what's 'her' and 'not her'). But nah man, she's mine. Not sharing no freaking way. Sorry, just rambling. Otherwise, man I stay stuck in my own head which sucks majorly. I just dunno what to do...

*Possible Trigger Warning*

Man, do I ever know what you mean on about this sh*t!
(For me, though, most of the others are bisexual, and L.C.'s a lesbian, and Cassandra's boyfriend is cool with sh*t happening with girls, so least I got the ability and option- though it's not f*#king easy trying to pick up a chick as a dude in a chick's body. Half the time I'm going for straight chicks and L.C.'s like, "Dal, man, you're in a girl's body. You gotta find lesbians or bisexuals". Which is hard to do, by the way! D@mn! And sh*t's not the same without the equipment, but it's better than nothin').

(I like how in real life you actually haven't done jack sh*t with a girl yet. But I have! Haha! )

Oh shut up. That's just 'cause you got your lil' special bisexual friend that's more like a friend with benefits. She's so not my type, anyway.

(Whatever, she's great).

She could use a f*#king shave. Typical hairy lesbian/bisexual/whatever chick, she is. Sorry but armpit hair ain't somethin' I want on a girl.

(Eh. 'S not that bad. I hardly notice it).

ANYWAY (since this is MY post), I totally get you, man. Cassandra's had a couple of friends- just f*#king kills that you can't actually be with 'em. Like Sami. Ohhhh myyyy gaawwwd Sami. F*#king beautiful, inside and out. Great f*#king personality. (Thanks to me, Cassandra was getting mighty confused 'bout what she was attracted to and what sexuality she was an' sh*t. Oops. ). I woulda loved nothin' more than to just hold her and stroke her hair while chillin' outside on a warm night, lookin' at the stars (don't care if it sounds cheesy). And she keeps getting more beautiful! And she's still single! It just- ARGH! F*#king kills sometimes. Least she don't swing the other way, 'cause that would just kill even more.

(Last interruption, I swear. This thread might be interesting to you. It talks about living inside versus spending time out and such. Might be helpful, might just be interesting, but either way, here it is: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic105876.html

Sometimes, man, there's not much you can do but daydream and wish. Sucks @$$, but it's how it goes sometimes. (I've found a way around that to some extent, least on the inside. Rebel an' I have hooked up in a sense. We ain't official, but it's nice to have a girl that I can act like a boyfriend to most of the time, even if it is another alter/inside. Cassandra thought it was kinda weird at first, but then she found out that lots of people/systems have alters who are together, dating, or even married, inside).
I hear ya 'bout the voice, too. I can talk, (took a bit of work), but it's hard to find my f*#king voice and pitch and sh*t. Half the time I end up sounding too much like Kat, or even too much like my brother Damone. Annoying as sh*t.

As for Sam, sh*t takes time to sort out what's you and what not you. I'm sure sh*t'll get better with time. Won't happen overnight, but it can happen, and it can get better.

-Dallas

Duudde! I SO feel you right now. This sucks. Like, I just can't speak, physical limitations or something. I think. Sometimes like Sam will be talking to this girl right, and I'm like %^($^ TELL HER YOU LOVE HER FOR ME GODDAMN IT! JESUS H. CHRIST JUST GET WITH THE PROGRAM! But I think me n Sam will get there eventually---girl seems to like us both XD. I sometimes get riled up when I see her, makes Sam feel right weird *evil grin*---but hey man, guy can't help what the body does or what it feels or where the thoughts go, right? I hoping maybe, maybe that all of us alters (us and the girls' family too) can be together. It'd be awesome

Man, have I been there before! (Still am sometimes!) Especially since it's still usually hard for me to speak if I'm not the one fronting or out or whatever, so half the time I'm sitting there, like "DO THIS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD!!"

That's cool that the girl seems to like you both, man. That'd be pretty f*#king awesome if all y'all could get together and sh*t. Won't happen overnight, but who knows, man. If there's anything I've learned from bein' multiple, anything's possible.

*Trigger Warning, talk of sexual sh*t*
Oohhh man, I feel ya there! Sometimes it won't even be a chick I know or like, it's just a good lookin' girl, and I'll get all riled up or steal a few looks or somethin' like that, and Cassandra gets all confused an' sh*t. Well, not so much anymore, but she says it still feels weird to feel like she's got a "phantom erection". Even though she's so not one to talk! Can't tell you how many times I've tried to take a p*ss or something and don't remember I don't have my stuff until the pants are off, much less the times where I feel like I have a f*#king boner when there's no possible way for me to have one. And f*#k me, is it ever f*#king frustrating to not be able to f*#king masturbate! I mean, I suppose I could, but not like how I'm used to. Whole new ball game in this body compared to my body inside. And sometimes it's just so f*#king frustrating to know that even though you can get that release, it won't be the f*#king same as what you're used to or looking for or any of that sh*t. Ah, well, gotta make the best of what I got I guess, but doesn't make it any less frustrating at times. Can't tell ya how many times I've made Cassandra go "what the h3ll am I thinking?" with where my thoughts go sometimes.
*End Trigger Warning*


-Dallas

I fell in love with a gorgeous boy on the outside, but since we decided not to make the body be gay I can't do anything That moment I really wanted to have my own body, so I could just make him love me too...

Suzie

I'm sorry to hear that Suzie. I hope you find someone in time

Most of us have our hearts belongin' to someone else. Ain't that easy to deal with sometimes, but we try to do our best with what we got.

-Dallas

I've always liked a friend from middle school, Gates (that's his last name, but also his nickname- can't remember how it started), and when I lived in my own reality inside, Gates and I were dating, and had been dating for 2 years... Then I came out to realize that it wasn't real and that the body had a boyfriend that I didn't know and he's so much older than me! I still get to hang out with Gates but it sucks that we'll never get to be together...

~Kyra

My heart vill alvays belong to Adam. Alvays has, and alvays vill. And if I hiave to accept a life vwithout him, so be it, but my heart vill alvays be his.

-Valera


I still f*#king hate Cassandra for breaking up with my boy!! Stupid b*tch!! I loved Jeremy, and she did too, she was just too stupid to stick with him! **Trigger Warning: she freaked out after being raped and felt like she wasn't good enough for him and that she only deserved to be with her rapist. So she broke up with Jeremy and ran to her f*#king rapist, the stupid b*tch. **End Trigger Warning** I still miss Jeremy...

~ReBeL


My love first went to Adam, but after being ignored and left alone by him for years, I became angry and bitter, and decided to not care about him anymore. I still have a weakness for him, g*d@mmit, but I'm not about to wait around for him or keep my heart open for him like the f*#king foreigner Valera.
However...
My love still does belong to Darren, our most recent ex (the boyfriend before Mike/Michael, the current one now). I would rather be with him, and if I could, I would without a second thought.

-KAT


I will always love Meagan. She stole my heart away, even though she's the complete opposite of me. But alas, she's straight, and also a bit of a homophobe, so, no chance there whatsoever...

~L.C.


I will always have a special place in my heart for Paul, though I am with, am loyal to, and am in love with Michael now. Unfortunately, I did not have enough influence, and was not out or fronting enough for us, or him and Cassandra for that matter, to ever have a real relationship. But I will never forget him.

~Rain

tomboy24 wrote: And sh*t's not the same without the equipment

Sorry I never saw this thread just spotted it
........ I mean I know right!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Chaz

Better then when we were banned from s*x in general
used have a crush on one of are closet female friend cute as miss her -Barry

I swear to god I am NEVER GOING TO GET A nice girl guys keep walking by and everyone else goes yah let's date them I swear

I date idiots absolute idiots -channelle

I LOVE DEL