About the names of alters?

It can never be too late, and as for communication, it gets better the more you work on it! Just because you might not hear each other now does NOT mean that you'll never hear each other! We used to mainly communicate via writing in journals, but now we can communicate verbally very easily. It all depends on how much you want to work on it and what works for your system. Some systems write, others talk, some use body movement to answer yes/no questions because sometimes there's rules placed by others (people or alters) where talking isn't allowed, but it's never too late to try and work on making communication better, and it can get better with practice and time!

It would be a great idea if you had a day of the week or something like that where you worked on communication! I started pretty much just choosing any free time I had alone if I felt up to it (sometimes I'd be too tired or something). Mostly I kept it to like a Sunday or something, because those are days where usually people don't have anything going on, and so I'd usually take that day for myself/myselves.

As for the environment, is there any way you can perhaps find a slightly public place you can be alone in? Like, a park that's usually rather empty or something?
Otherwise, your dad's sounds like your best bet, but I would be careful about someone possibly being triggered because of things that have happened there. This is where making yourself and the environment FEEL as safe, comfortable, and relaxed as possible might help reduce the risk of a trigger.

No one in my family knows about my DID except for my Grandma, and I only just told her technically last year (this past fall in 2012). It's common for alters to not want or to be scared of family knowing, since usually, someone in the family is who helped the DID to develop in the first place (usually, not always). I'm sorry that happened to you and your alter when you tried to share about it. *Possible Trigger Warning* I've tried testing the waters with my dad, who's the main reason I have DID but I'm trying to make things better with him bit by bit, and he's pretty much told me that my alters are demons possessing me and sent from the devil to try and distract me from God. My grandma used to think I was schizophrenic or something back when they were only known as "just voices". It can be hard for others to grasp the concept of DID, especially if they have other ideas for possible explanations. I've found that if they can believe in DID (some people will never believe it, sadly), it usually helps to have a professional explain it to them, because they're knowledgeable enough to explain away the other ideas and they're able to explain how DID works/is possible better than most. *End Possible Trigger Warning*


-Cassandra

I'm happy to hear that it's something that can be worked on. So what do you do on that day, the Sunday you say, that you have to yourself/yourselves? Just spend time with them?

What is a good place for you? Like, feeling relaxed, safe etc? I guess my only option is my bedroom at dad's, but that's fine. *TW* (On the other hand I overdosed in there once, being co-hosting/co-conscious - maybe both? - with one of my alters...) *end of TW* You think you could maybe describe what makes you relaxed, what/how you do?

Being in a park or something is a good idea, I think I know a park that could work. I think everyone would wonder what I was doing do (normally I never go away anywhere, I don't have any friends so I'm home if I'm not in school)... Of course I could say that I go to the library, but I wouldn't like to lie, if they find out. And actually being at the library (which I think could be the only public place for me to be at without any relatives of mine wondering what I was doing) maybe isn't such a good idea - you can't really talk there, on the other hand you can write, but how cozy/safe/relaxing could it possible feel? The library has like big glass walls everywhere, so the only place you'd be "protected" at (from the outside world to see) would be the toilets.

I'm thinking about telling about this multiplicity-thing later on, when I've (hopefully) gotten to know them all better, making sure that it's OK for them. And then when I know more about it all it'd be easier for me/us to stand up for it and be sure of/believing in/knowing what I/we're talking about. Honestly I don't think they'd let me see a professional because they wouldn't believe what I say... and maybe they don't even have a professional where I live. No idea really. Anyways I'm thinking that if I don't get support from anyone on the outside, I'll hopefully get it from my others on the inside.

Well, I used to do it on Sunday. Now I'm pretty much in constant communication with them (like, the only reason it's rather quiet now is because Cassie's the only other one awake. And Shay, but she's still sleepy so not that active yet). Not to say that it'll never be quiet for you again. You can ask alters politely to please keep it down, or to not talk during certain times, and such (although personally, for me, I've been so used to hearing at least one voice in my head at all times, it feels weirder when it's quiet). As for time sharing and letting them out to do things, that's pretty much every day.

But starting out, what I used to do, was just talk, mainly out loud (since I was alone) to myself/myselves, see if anyone responded, and if not, then I'd basically do some self-narration here and there, like "Now it's lunch time, what am I gonna have?" So, kinda like news updates (although with me, there was almost always a response back). And then I'd ask, "What do we want to do today?" And that would usually start a discussion/argument about what we all wanted to do (back in the day, Rain would want to write/research topics interesting to her- like psychology, Kat (known as Kataki at this time) would want to exercise or go out, like to drink, Cassie would just want to play, like a game or color or something, and L.C. would want to "drown" in music and smoke to get high, and that's all who I was aware of for a few years, actually. Like...4-5 years, actually). So, we'd try to compromise. We'd go for a walk, exercise, while listening to music, and then when we'd come back (we used to walk for at least an hour, most of us love walking around aimlessly), we'd let Rain do some research or writing while eating (usually have to compromise on that, too), and then I'd let Cassie color, or me, her, and Rain would play a board game or card game together (sometimes it'd just be me and Cassie, because it was sometimes too hard to be that switchy and co-host like that back then), and then to wind down I'd let L.C. smoke and we'd all choose a movie or something to watch that we all liked (or at least could agree on). Or we'd watch a couple movies or something.


A good place for me has always been my bedroom. (But I've come to realize, the place I actually feel safest, and it explains the switching that happens in there all the time, is the bathroom, and I've learned it's because it was the only room in my house that had a lock on the door. An easily undone lock from the other side, but a lock nonetheless. That, and I'm always alone in the bathroom, so it's "safer"). ANYWAY, yeah, my bedroom's usually my go-to place. (Even though I had bad experiences in my bedroom before, I knew it was safe as long as I was alone in there and the door was shut- and if my dad wasn't home, or if he was sober, because when he was sober, he wouldn't bug me in my room. That, and most of the bad experiences started in other places of the house and then they just carried into my room, so it was less triggering because of that, too).
**There's actually threads in the DDNOS/DID Resources thread that discuss communication, how to start, what you can do, etc., if you'd like to read a bit more into it.**
For me, though, what I do is I wear comfortable or favorite clothes, I'd surround myself with items that helped me feel safe (like my stuffed animal Moo Cow, that I've had since I/the body was 2 or 3 yrs old, for instance), I'd wear anything that helped me feel safe (I feel safe in hoodies, always have), I'd put on some music- either favorite music or relaxing music (music that wouldn't get me all worked up but that I still liked, basically, and especially any songs that made me relax and feel at least braver if not safer), I'd usually close my eyes and take a couple deep breaths to try and calm my mind and myself, and then I'd start writing away in my journal, sometimes just an entry, sometimes a whole conversation between myself (the more I did this, the more different the handwritings got for each separate "voice", too). And I'd just write what I'd hear, or what we'd talk about in my head, pretty much. Or I'd write about my day, or my feelings, or my thoughts- I'd write whatever I felt like it, and then if someone wanted to chime in, or could chime in, they would, and then I'd write for them, too. I'd write pretty much whatever went on in my head, or as much of it as I could. (This is kinda why we mostly type out stuff, now. We're faster typers than writers).


You should be getting into therapy by any means possible if you can. For me, since I thought they were mood swings that happened instead of switches, that's how I described them, and you could start getting into therapy by describing stuff that way at least at first or something if you'd like. There is always a professional (at least nearby if you're in a small town), that at least knows how to help things like PTSD, trauma processing, depression, etc., and those things can help you until you find someone who can treat you for the DID. As we've learned, it can also be helpful to get therapy for the smaller things, like PTSD, or depression, or bipolar in our case (we have that, too), or OCD, or anxiety, because the therapy will help those things and that will in turn help you as a whole, so even though you're not working on the DID directly, you're still making progress. We also found it helpful to share our therapy appointments, like L.C. would go in one day, I'd go in the next, Cassie would go the next, but they'd all still "hide" behind me and basically talk "through" me and such, because we weren't there for our DID. Although our 2nd therapist turned out to be awesome and didn't care that we weren't there for DID and would try to help us anyway. Like one time Rebel showed up, and she refused to hide behind my name and such, and my therapist didn't care and simply talked to her and tried to get to know her a bit and help her. So, if you can find a therapist like that, who doesn't specialize in DID but works on trauma processing or something and is still fine with trying to help no matter what, that'd be beneficial to you. You don't have to get a DID specialist for help to benefit you.


-Cassandra

I've repeated a lot of this elsewhere but what the heck. I find the names and the naming of alters to be one of the most fascinating and revealing aspects of DID.

Each system is different but in mine everybody needs a name so we can at the very least refer to them. I would think a temporary name or name-like phrase ("the sad one") might be okay until you know their actual name or can agree on one. I haven't really named anyone who didn't previously have some kind of name though I've been involved. I learned my lesson to let them tell me when I offered another name for Carter and kept hearing "Carter" in reply.

Johnny: My name as an alter when I arrived. I was called the birth name John when I started school as a kid so I came to accept it but it always felt off. Then at 28, I felt urged to go by Johnny so I told everyone to start calling me that. I had numerous explanations to myself for the change but I see now why I really did it. However, it was what everyone in the outside world called me for years so many alters know me as John and most call me that.

Little John: I thought because he was so young when I met him, his name would surely be Johnny and when I thought of him I called him that to myself. I knew the body was called Johnny when we were very young. However, when I asked, he told me his name was John. To differentiate him from my 'borrowed' name John, I asked him if I could call him Little John. His favorite book was Little John Little so he loved me calling him that. It was a story about a boy who was so tiny his mother couldn't see him. One day she carelessly swept him outdoors with her broom. (Hrrrm, who else in children's literature is know for her broom?) He had many adventures and scares but learned to build a little house, make friends with animals like birds, squirrels, and a lady bug and live happily ever after. It was profoundly symbolic of his greatest wish -- to escape the mother and father -- but he knew he was too young. Still, at age two he often imagined ways to run away.

Charles, Aaron, Carter and Max picked their own names, all for reasons I think I understand. The first two are family names. Carter sounds like quitter, which I called him at first, the one who makes me avoid or quit things. I felt bad it was so close to quitter and wanted him to change it at first. Maximus is the main character in the film Gladiator. I sometimes used it as part of an online name. Quite a big name for such a little boy, if that's where it came from. He has said his name is Maximilian, similarly a big name for a little boy, but it all feels related. I don't know for sure yet.

Jonathan: The father used to call us that and many other variations of John. My name is more formal and 'serious,' which I am compared to John. That may not be why I chose it -- I was only six -- but I suppose I would have thought that even then.

Jack: He picked it because he heard President John Kennedy went by the nickname Jack to family and friends. He developed a strong moral code (from outside the family?) so didn't want to feel like he was lying when he had to claim his name was John.

Daniel: Pretty sure this is from Daniel Boone, a meaningful symbol for Jack, who "remembered" a rustic childhood from the mountains of Appalachia. Probably conflated with an American pioneer ancestor of ours named Daniel about whom there was family folklore similar to Daniel Boone tales. Jack is the only one with connections to all that, Dan just got the name. Jack was a mellow guy but was increasingly troubled by his own rage at things that were happening so Daniel was born as an alter. Dan was tough, often angry, and started to act out bad things. Because the anger was no longer part of himself, Jack, at Jonathan's urging, conquered (really, quarantined) it for us all by "killing" Dan. Dan revived and over time Jack and Dan have moved towards being allies in our system.

Marc-Dominic: I came up with this name as a kid while I imagined a sophisticated adult who could be a safe mentor for me. I always remembered the name but had no clue there was an alter behind it.

Sphinx: I called him that based on his brief, mysterious answers to every question I posed and the nickname stuck. When I asked him who he was, he told me I could call him "The One" and I basically said nuh-uh, that's not a name.

Adam, Ashar: Sphinx named them because they were so young. He knew they existed long before me so to help talk about them and to help me welcome them back, he gave them names, Adam because he was the "first" of us.

Quato, Hansel, Johann: I suggested these. Their names were originally the name John repeated once, twice and thrice, but these were unwieldy. Quato came from the mutant character Kuato in a sci fi film, since his presence felt like that to me before I knew he was an alter. Quato loved the image (then, not so much now) and kept it, though technically it is a nickname. For Hansel and Johann, I offered several international versions of the name John and they each chose their own.

I know they're related, but to me, the names John, Johnny, and the variations of that name above, feel as different as Bartholomew, Pi and Ziggy. Actually I wouldn't be surprised if there's someone else here named Bartholomew since it's always felt familiar but I'm pretty sure there's no Ziggy.

That was very interesting to read about Johnny

Just in case, I'm going to post a few threads that may be helpful:
Communication between alters *category triggers
The Origins of Alters Names.

MeAndWings wrote:Maybe sharing things with them from my daily life/thoughts about ourselves etc? I'm thinking that maybe that way they'll feel like I'm giving them a time where it's just them and me, that we can really be together.

Seems like a good idea to me. Just find something that feels good.
Btw, I'm not really the one that should say this - I'm more like "please, I don't want to know more". Currently. I used to be very interested before.

MeAndWings wrote:They thought I was crazy and said it was only thoughts and feelings, which hurt this alter that didn't want me to talk about it in the first place, a lot... Anyways that's a whole other story.

*sigh* Yes, that's what happens often, unfortunately.