F*#k *Trigger Warning, ranting*

*Trigger Warning, ranting*
F*#k.
F*#k!



I want to be loved too!
I know I'm hard to love but that doesn't f*#king mean I don't want it!
I want to be hugged and held and cuddled and all that other sappy-@$$ bullsh*t too!
I know how weak I really am inside!
I'm not made of f*#king stone!



I want to be cared about.
I want to be wanted.
I want to have someone that's there for me.
I want to be taken out to dinner and sh*t.
I want to experience all that cheesy romantic bullsh*t. (Well, not too much of it).



F*#k!
This is bullsh*t!
F*#k it!
I'd rather be angry!
I know anger.
I live on anger.
I can deal with anger.
And anger can swallow just about any emotion.
It's so easy to turn almost any emotion into anger.
Almost.

F*#k this sh*t! I hate it! F*#k it! F*#k it! F*#k it!



I wish I could f*#king punch this f*#king wall. If I didn't give a sh*t about the consequences I would in a f*#king heartbeat.



F*#k all this bullsh*t. I don't need anyone, and I don't need anything. I don't need any of this sappy-@$$ bullsh*t. I was fine without it before, I'm fine without it now, and I'll always be fine without it. F*#k it.



(Ah, it's like welcoming a good friend, feeling anger ignite inside).



There, Rain. I "opened up". Let me back in now.


-KAT

I'm sure that feeling your anger "ignite" feels good, but why do you want to live with that anger? I'm sure there are a lot of people who would love to give you a hug. You're just as important as everyone else, and I know that deep inside you know that you don't want to be angry. What would make you happy, if I can ask?

- Claire

You're very strong to write this. There are plenty of people here who care about you and who would hug you and do nice things for you. I hope in time you will find people in real life who can do this too.

(safe hugs) if wanted

ManyHearts wrote:I'm sure that feeling your anger "ignite" feels good, but why do you want to live with that anger? I'm sure there are a lot of people who would love to give you a hug. You're just as important as everyone else, and I know that deep inside you know that you don't want to be angry. What would make you happy, if I can ask?

- Claire

Because I know anger. I'm used to living off of anger. I know how to use it, I know how to deal with it, it's the flame that keeps me feeling alive. I was, well, possibly not originally but things change, but I was built to feed off of anger.

Eh, I'm not the "huggy" type to be honest (no offense). Mainly what I was ranting about on here (thanks to Rain, who's also to thank for me replying here, pushy b*tch), was not having anyone like in a relationship sense.

What would make me happy? Truly? Right now, to suck it up, move down to Arizona, get back together with Darren, probably having to live with our Grandma but long as I can go to college that's fine, and actually start doing sh*t with my life. I don't want to live down there, but I could certainly deal with it long enough to go through college and sh*t, long as I was also able to be with Darren.

But that's not an option. None of those things are. So here I am, trying to make the best of what I have.

Kinda completely off-topic, but I was trying to help fix Mike's and Cassandra's relationship yesterday (it's getting a bit rocky), and Mike made a comment like "I feel like I'm the one doing all the compromising", and I just about f*#king lost it. In a nutshell, I told him, "I'm not f*#king running to him (Darren) right now. I'm not f*#king leaving you. I'm trying to let you and Cassandra be together. That's my f*#king compromise. You're welcome". I was so f*#king p*ssed. So many of us feel suffocated just because we're trying to be nice and let Cassandra be all miss monogamy and happy with her boyfriend and sh*t. Just because you don't see the compromises we make doesn't mean you're the only one doing sh*t to make this f*#king relationship work! It's not even my f*#king relationship and I have to work to make it work! F*#king bullsh*t!


-KAT

lifelongthing wrote:You're very strong to write this. There are plenty of people here who care about you and who would hug you and do nice things for you. I hope in time you will find people in real life who can do this too.

(safe hugs) if wanted

Thank you.
Hugs accepted I guess?


-KAT

I hope he could answer you in a way that made you feel a bit more understood and seen Kat

Thinking of you.

We talked about sh*t all of last night, and hashed out most of it to a mutual understanding, sharing venting rants and giving each other the whole picture of things that we don't always see. It ended on a good note, but sh*t isn't completely worked out yet (understandable since it'll take more than one night of talking to work it out).

Thank you.


-KAT

That sounds like a good start