Becoming aware of...something(?)

I can see that it makes sense to reduce the boundaries between parts that you have amnesia with. I have a few I lose time with, and consequently I know next to nothing about them. So I'm all for becoming more aware of who they are (Who am I kidding?! I'm terrified of doing that ), but yes, separation, or at least recognising the differences, between me and those parts I'm more aware of seems like a positive thing.

Owleyes wrote:(Who am I kidding?! I'm terrified of doing that )

I think I know what you mean. I'd much rather 'get over it', look away from what's happening, but I know I should look at exactly what I dread before things will get better (permanently).

So I'm all for becoming more aware of who they are (Who am I kidding?! I'm terrified of doing that )

Definitely how I'm feeling lately

It's hard isn't it? I don't know how it is for you, finding new ones. Pretty rough, I would imagine from some of the things you've posted. For me, it's like, I know you're supposed to be welcoming and accepting of everyone, but I feel like 'I don't want to know how you feel or what you remember. I don't want to suddenly feel suicidal for no reason. I don't want to be on my way to work and suddenly have to turn round and go home and spend the rest of the day hiding in bed with the curtains shut.' Blah, blah, blah. Maybe getting to know these parts would stop this from happening, but it feels like when they get close, I feel less and less stable. I don't want to go through all the instability to get 'better'. I want to keep it all at arms length. I'm a coward

It is I get scared. I feel like I'm adopting a kid that's been through a load of problems and I haven't prepared for it at all. It's like "yeah, now I'm gonna help you.. Let's see.. Uhm, do you like movies or anything?". I've not got anything to give. I try to give of myself and up until not long ago I would welcome everyone with open arms and I'd find ways to help them; I generally wasn't unstable more than a day or two. But now lately (the last months) I'm just.. I don't have much to give. So I withdraw and get scared instead. Not the "I'm nervous" kind of scared either - the "I'm going to go hide now" kinda scared. I wish it wasn't like this because I didn't use to react like this but I do Hopefully in time I will have more to give again

Yeah, I think that's it for me, too. My resources are really low. I started out on all this with the attitude of 'Yes! I want to get to know as many as possible' and then every single time it was just this emotional battering. Tired.

Yeah, I know the feeling. Right now I'm waking up each morning in massive panic and will lay there for hours unable to move or think right. I think I finally understood something about it today but I'm scared of going to sleep tonight because I might wake up to the same thing tomorrow. Emotionally it can be so hard to meet new ones. But what do you do, I guess.. Thinking of you and yours.