D@mn it.

Usually I can handle whoever comes out. Violent. Angry. Sad. 2 yrs old 76 yrs old. (trigger warning: creepy and violence) Tonite, my son looked at me with murder in his eyes. This is "Hunter" She hunts/kills those who 'do wrong'. She is the' friend' of a 2 yr old inside, but no one else knew about her. He told me about her tonite. Says she smiles all the time. She hides under beds and in closets. She 'crawls' on ceilings and is sneaky. She saved (2 yr old) from Numbbody - an alter that came out a couple days ago and 'sucked' the emotion out of everyone, leaving them cobwebby and in suspended animation.

This one was aggressively posturing. I ignored it. I didn't let myself feel fear as my son - who could outpower me - loomed over me with a curious but hostile posture. I tried to orientate this person, not knowing how intelligent or 'feral' it might be. It.. yes. That is how it felt. this was not something with a sex but something simple and dangerous.

"She" said she is hunting. I'm included on the list of everyone (but the littles) so I GET that she is a protector. I GET that she was created to help my son feel safe when he was not safe or not feeling safe. When he was abandoned by his father and alone in the dark.

I told her that she is in a safe place. That she is in the same body that (2 yr old) had just used to see me and that I want to get to know her. I mentioned (host) and introduced myself. She didn't seem agitated with me really but told me who she was hunting and it is because they did wrong. I said 'that will be a long list..everyone has done wrong at some time." she pointed at me and i said "yes..even me. But when I do wrong, I try to make it right" She nearly jumped me. She indicated my husband who had just come in the room was keeping her from 'hunting' (killing me) I kept talking. I said "We have rules here. They are about safety. We do not harm each other. If you hurt me , you will be breaking the rules and you will have done wrong"

She got confused. She do wrong? she? And then started strangling herself.

It's like a bad movie where the computer tries to wipe out humanity to save humanity and then kills itself because of its own faulty thinking.

As he choked, I pulled her hands off and said "No..you will not do that here. This is a safe place and we do not harm anyone, not even ourselves.." She went inside, and he has marks on his throat. (she) really did it!

Alex came out and said I needed to be more careful - this is a simple creature and I nearly caused her to kill herself. ME be careful?! I'm sorry - if I didn't have 100+ hours of therapy invested in the past...9 months? I may not have been as careful as I had been and might be fricking dead! The way he looked at me was unmistakable.

My husband saw it. He said "I'm done" and that he doesnt'n feel safe. Ever since some other stuff came up with son's girlfriend (her abuse coming to light) my son has been completely triggered, 3 new alters in less than a week and this desire to kill. He stood in my room staring at us for several minutes last night. he looks less and less like himself when he is 'out' and i'm so scared for him...and me...and my other kids.

I KNOW that this is someone created to protect him,but what the h## am I supposed to do about these ones that one vengeance or justice ??? I'm still shaking. If I don't commit him, I could lose my husband (if I haven't already) and my other kids because I cannot prove my son and his system are SAFE.

If I do commit him, he'll probably be even worse!
I am sorry my friends but what am I to do?
This alter coming out and threatening me on top of everything else that's happened is going to break my family apart. He is having a friend spend the night...what right do I have to let that happen? What happens if, god forbid, the friend mentions shoplifting or some crap that teenagers do and this alter hears the wrong doing and does something to him in my own house???

I'm sorry, but I want to believe the good in him outweighs the bad, the rationale...wins over violence. But this is getting to be too much 'good faith'. I am absolutely broken. There is NO solution that is good. And dealing with him, his girlfriend (who has DID...so all of her alters!) the situation trying to get her perp caught, and all of my own BS that is triggering the p@#$ out of me right now ... i just don'nnt know how much more I can take. I am startling at every little sound...I just want this to level out!

*Possible Trigger Warning*

This must be dealt with as quickly and safely as possible.

Do you know if this alter is unsupervised? If they are not, it is best to simply try to "go with the flow" as much as you can until a switch happens, and then discuss the alter being supervised if possible.
Try to simply let the alter do what they want, talk about what they want, and express what they want, with you only stopping or interrupting them if it is necessary. Breathe, and try to stay calm.
Do whatever you can to make yourself feel as safe as possible.
If you are able to, remove and hide or lock away all possible dangerous objects, including pills, knives, scissors, etc. (If you are not able to do this right away, do it as soon as you are able to. Prepare for any possible next time).

(After rereading your post a few times, we realized that what we had typed here doesn't really apply and that we didn't really understand everything fully the first time, so we went ahead and edited it out..sorry... ).


It may be time to consider separate therapy sessions with you, or even the family as a whole group, in addition to any therapy he's already getting, because it's clear that this is a fairly important issue that might be best to have professional help on.

Especially since a therapist can act as a referee, and help keep communication going while not letting anything escalate or get out of hand. Because communication needs to be happening to promote understanding. Just as you all need to understand your son's situation, your son needs to understand everyone else's situation. It's a two-way street, here. Everyone needs to be aware of everyone else to reduce the risk of miscommunications, misunderstandings, and possible feelings of betrayal.

It might be time to consider an out patient therapy program (I think that's what it's called). One where he's getting lots of help within a longer time period, like a whole afternoon or something, but then he returns home and sleeps there and such. (We've come across programs like these, though I don't think there's any in our area, don't know if there's any where you're at, but they could be worth looking for/into).


One thing we can tell you, though- *Trigger Warning*
We have looked with such rage and hatred at our father so many times, we've lost count. We've looked with such strong intent and desire to kill so many times, we can't remember each incident. We've replayed our rage exploding onto him in our head so many times, we've glared at him in such a way that he's actually recoiled a few times, and yet....we have never harmed our father physically. We have even been given the tools to do so before, by our father himself, and we've had him ask us to kill him before, but we have never even hit him. (We've pushed him once, that's it). And yet a few of us could've easily killed him, without blinking an eye. Most of us could've easily hurt him, without a second thought. And yet we never have. Why? Because there is love within the system as well. Some of us at least care for him, if not love him, and no matter what, that subconscious knowledge is always there, and will always cause hesitation, second thoughts, and will even stop anything from happening altogether.
*End Trigger Warning*


I am not saying to not be afraid. It is always healthy to have some fear when dealing with uncertain or uncommon situations, because then you are not blinded by arrogance. What I am saying is that from my experience, if there is someone that I truly care about and/or love in danger with one of my alters, I will be able to fight, and I will be able to win. It's almost like...how people get adrenaline and strength boosts when they see someone they care about in danger, and they're able to accomplish things they normally couldn't. Same thing. And even if we can't fully stop it, we're usually able to stop it enough to where it's not serious.
*Trigger Warning*
Like when Kat/Kataki tried to choke Cassandra's friend Nathan, Cassandra was there enough to force Kataki to weaken her grip enough to where there wasn't any serious danger. There were marks left, but he was never struggling to breathe. Or when Kataki held a knife to Mike's throat, Cassandra and Rain were there enough to where at most, Mike would've been punched.
*End Trigger Warning*


Important advice, though, which you may already know- NEVER say, either before, during, or after the fact, that the alter could not do it, would not do it, or would never have done it. This can cause an flash of rage and an impulse of rebellion with a desire to prove you wrong just to do it.
*Trigger Warning*
I fully believe that if Mike had said, "I don't believe you could ever do it", while Kataki had the knife to him, she could've at least stabbed him in a non-lethal place. And "Hannibal" definitely could've done it if challenged. It's important to acknowledge and respect the alter's ability to do things because as long as you do that, there shouldn't be any problems.
*End Trigger Warning*

We hope this was helpful to you and that you are able to feel better soon and possibly work this out somehow. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.


~A mixture of us(?)

Sometimes the best justice to explore is within one's own mind, where one has no consequences to face.

~ ???

Meaning, it's better to stick with imagining things, writing out daydreams, drawing out wishes, and other such things instead of actually doing anything or carrying anything out. There are always consequences for such permanent actions, both from the inner and outside world. Not just from the law. Alters must ask themselves, would it be worth it to hurt and devastate those they were trying to protect (aka the other alters)? Even "Hannibal" has his limit, and he would not be able to hurt Kat in such a way (funny how that one works, but then, these consequences are permanent in the outside world, so that kinda changes things).

They can do anything they wish within their imagination. Actions, however, they will have to face and reap the consequences of. It is something they should give thought to.

~Kyra

Thank you again for you quick replies! Kyra - that is a very good tool I will pass on - thank you so much for sharing it. I think our T sort of said something like that, but more about 'if you do this...what then...." and so she let one of the alters kind of talk about her angry fantasies. So...this is something i will share...

Also..I think it is a good idea that he have his own sessions so anyone who needs to talk (esp if it is about me) can do so without feeling they have to censor themselves or try to not hurt my feelings. good stuff....

Alex said things are going to be ok now and he'll talk more with me tmw. I think I'm going to go ahead and trust that the system (at least this alter) is under control for tonite.... Thank you all for being there!

You're most welcome! We're glad we could be of help.

What would be most ideal is if your son had his own sessions, and then there were separate sessions where he had therapy with you or the whole family. Or even set up a system where every third therapy sessions is a session with you, while all the others he's alone for the sessions, or something. Because it's clear that these issues would benefit from professional guidance/help. And it could help with talking about these issues because the therapist can act as a referee if necessary, and it would be in a neutral setting so the environment might feel less "biased" or something.

We hope that the talk goes well with your son tomorrow.
I agree, I would trust him that it's under control at least for tonight.

Best of luck with all of this.

~A mixture of us(?)


Sometimes just when things seem the most difficult, they level out themselves.

Just like a tornado. Sometimes you just have to hold on the best you can and wait until the winds die back down.

Hopefully things will improve from here.

~Kyra

It is not fair for you, your husband and your kids to not feel even relatively safe in your own home. I can't answer what you should or shouldn't do, but I do know that if it were me - I'd want to be committed. I have been to an absolutely atrocious mental hospital for all of my time in-patient (collectively about 7 months) but there were a couple people who worked there who were wonderful. This is how it is for many hospitals; just looking for that one person who is good to you when s/he's at work. And no, that doesn't make you heal and get all better - but it can certainly be a place to pick yourself up and get some calm. Is there any hospitals around that his T could recommend? As I said, I can't tell you what you need to do, but don't forget yourself and your own needs in this. It's okay to ask for help, it's okay to say this is too much, it's okay to cry and it's okay to say you'll go forward with what you're currently doing. Nothing here is wrong. We care about you here sweetie. Know that we are here.

Haven't had much time to reconnect with him since last night. (Host) doesn't know a thing about what happened and we have not had privacy really...right now, I'm just taking a breath...taking all 3 of my kids to a museum today where my brother is presenting some scientific stuff.... It should be educational and fun! Had bad news Friday that a coworker is quitting in 2 weeks...this will change my work hours to undoable hours (not home when son is home from school) until about 9 pm. I will have to talk with the boss about if they don't find a different way to handle this loss until a replacement is found, they will be looking to fill 2 spots because I can't just stop taking my son to his T appts or leaving him alone with his stepdad when they can be great one moment and pushing each others buttons the next. but first thing first...getting through today!

Thinking of you

I think Kyra's advice is excellent. We have created something we call "the holodeck" - basically it is a room where people who have desires that could hurt others (violence, sexual weirdness etc) can go and shut the door and experience whatever they want without anyone else having to bear the consequences.

could this be an option?

Gabriel

yeah, its excellent. I can blow up as much $#%^ as I want, bang, LOL

Luigi

since Luigi chimed in: left to his own devices this boy would gladly do things he'd go to prison for - but since he also has a keen sense of justice he realises we'd all have to go with him and that clearly isn't fair. Perhaps she would accept a similar line of argument?

Gabriel

Gabriel - thank you - this is a good, logical thing to bring up. We've had a couple more meetings together and she is starting to come around. I had almost forgotten that a new alter may not be completely oriented to when/where they are. I think a lof of the violence under her surface was because the last time she was (conscious) she was in a protective role.

My other two children 'vouched' for me. Showed me affection in front of her and so she started to ask "good?" about me. My other kids said "Yes...our mom is very good.. she is a good grown-up. She doesn't hurt children. She is good. We love her." and so she asked if I was a friend. I said I was.

She can only speak if we can't see her...so she covered our heads before speaking. I'm not sure why this rule is in place, but I have respected it. She thought she caught me in alie when I told her I had met with another alter whom she was searching for and she said she couldn't smell him...she nearly turned on me for 'lying' so I had to explain the body thing... being 'out' and I think she's really confused...but believes that I didn't lie.

OH - whoever said (sorry, I am short on time to look it up) that part of her anger might be at my not having prevented whatever bad happened to him - I really think that's a true part of this as I am seeing a pattern... All of the protectors; the angry, the violent, and mostly - non-human - went to 'sleep' when my son came back to live with me from his fathers. I am still wondering when I will find out what happened...and what I will do. (trigger warning) But I am sure I will have to fight my own, very real desire to 'hunt, find, and (other)" the person who hurt my son. And I know who....I just don't know how/what or if anyone else was involved.

I'll try hard to be good though. Be a good example. Not pay him back in my own idea of justice or vengeance.