Omg crazy switching!

Two nights ago I had the craziest switching night. It started before my husband got home. I had been on edge for three days because of renovation happening next door, then I found out my brother-in-law was coming over. So, knowing there'd be a lot of drinking, I made a "ban" in my head on the littles coming out that night.

So apparently Danny, Barbara, and Jessica decided they should get to be out until my husband got home. So that was over an hour and a half of them bouncing in and out.

Then my husband gets home and one of the Miranda alters decides to come out, the British one, and she's out for the first part of my brother-in-law being here. She goes back in and for about ten minutes I'm out, inwhich I do something very, very stupid.

See, I've been creating a DID Mix CD for my best friend as a late Christmas gift. My alters have been helping me. (I plan to post it here when I'm done.) The boys were talking and pretty much ignoring me and my computer was open so I decided to play through it. Bad, bad mistake. I ended up switching at every song! I blacked out all of the playlist except the first two songs because my alters wanted to come out and hear the songs they picked or something.

My husband says it's the craziest thing he had ever seen "me" do. And my brother-in-law left during so I don't know what he thought of it...and he's coming over tonight so that's going to be awkward.

Has anything like this happen to anyone else? And, seriously, how stupid was I to play the playlist straight through?

Not stupid at all! I bet that there was more than one of you itching to play that playlist. I've found that usually when I do stuff like that, it's because it wasn't just out of boredom, or being ignored by others around me, or anything like that. It's usually a mixture of being bored and someone else wanting to do something, so I get influenced by their urges and then bam! Choices like playing songs that trigger me start being made and then I wonder "what was I thinking?"

I am sorry this happened, though. I hope that you take care of yourself today, work on grounding and calming techniques, and help yourself feel less awkward about tonight. Remember, you always have support and understanding here, and we all accept and like you as you are here.

Sometimes me just putting a "ban" up like you talked about can end up triggering alters. I've found that if I make a suggesting or a request, such as "Please do not show up tonight, it will not be appropriate for you" or something like that, it's much more well-received. But if I make a "ban" or say an "order", sometimes it ends up being the trigger for the alters that shouldn't come "out" (like littles). It's the whole "I won't be told what to do", or "I won't be controlled", or "You have no right to control me", type of thing that I've come to realize is the trigger. I don't know if this might be the same for you, or why exactly I'm sharing this, but there it is.

I've definitely experienced just about everything you shared, though (except for the husband and brother-in-law parts). I've had littles bouncing around, taking advantage of their time out if I or other older alters have plans that night. And I've done the whole "Hey, this is a good idea" music-playing-switching thing, both alone and while with people (yeah, 'cause that's smart ). And of course I usually get that brilliant idea around people who don't know about my DID, not the people who do know about it. I don't think it's that noticeable, though. (Mainly because around people who don't know about my DID, my alters still tend to hide or at least attempt to somewhat hide). Mostly people take it as if it was a mood swing, or I simply don't like the song (or like it a lot), or something like that. That doesn't mean I didn't get stared at or questioned over it, though. Especially if someone was singing along to the song (because I never sing in public, and I RARELY sing around other people).

So yeah, just wanted to let you know that you're not stupid, and you're not alone in doing things or experiencing stuff like this.


-Cassandra

Yeah we've been there many times

Sorry it went so "crazy" - I hope you've had some time to settle down and that you're feeling less switchy now

Thanks guys. Yeah last night I was still feeling super embarrassed about it so I insisted my brother-in-law couldn't come over. But he is tomorrow so his perspective of it, well, I'll have to face the music then. Though he only brings stuff up to b!tch about it so it might not come up at all. Here's to hoping!

And yeah, my switching seems to be getting back to normal. Though tomorrow's therapy appointment will no doubt make me switch quite a bit (or just into Michael for most of the day).

Good luck

SAy sometimes I have so much switching at "one" time that my husband afterwords tells me I babbled a bunch of non- words as If I was saying a bunch of stuff. but no real words. I remember one time I was at a place adn one of my main abusers showed up at this place. my mind swirled with caos liek circus. My husband said , "I can t talk to you right now becaseu you are saying so much that nothtin makes any sense. " I replied a little later ,"oh you could see my circus?" No reply. I told my T about that one and he said people cannot see into my mind, head , system etc..

Well, I haven't had something like you describe with the music, but sometimes, the 'fully-formed' ones (the ones with a name etc., not the 'sides' with which I switch very often) decide they want me to do things. Especially after they needed to hide for a while. Or once when I announced whether they could please hide when I got to a certain place, at least one decided the time before and after was theirs.

They can't come out (that I know), so they can't do it for themselves. Which means I have to do it .