The "Dark Thread" *Possible Trigger Warning*

I m sorry I m not working with colours, I can t find the ones I want and remember them properly.

I guess the fact some alters change shapes and names dont help much either.

I wanted to add that I ve had serious fights too. Me, the host, and Nina. The battles were fierce, swords trigger warning blood blood blood and nearly death.

I never understood why we got so upset with each other.

The fightin took years and years. Until I found a way to appreciate her.

Now there s a new alter. Indie. She keeps sendin me images as she can t speak. She sends pictures of his face his face his face take them away stop showin them I know his face welle nough please let me go to sleep.

I love her. But she refuses any help at all.

Trigger warning. She s covered in blood blood blood.

you don't have to always write in the same colors. (especially if you sign your posts!) and you don't have to write in any color at all if you don't want to.


oh there have been fights in here as well. rain and kat used to be like sworn mortal enemies and their battles were long, violent, epic, and often to the near death. that was back when kat when by kataki, and was more abusive and stuff though. but she was just trying to help us survive and succeed and stuff. (just didn't know other ways of how to try and help at the time).


she might not be just refusing help. she might not think that the help is real, or that she can trust it, or that it won't turn into something hurtful later, or something like that. and it sounds like she's in a lot of pain. maybe try to help her express what she's showing you to help "get it out of her system" in a way? like writing about what she shows you or drawing it out or something? and then even if it doesn't seem to work right away, reassuring her that she's safe and that's not happening now and stuff like that can help over time.


- cassie (age ?)

Thanks for your kind words

I recall the fights all too well, and what a relief when they ended. We even cuddled on the couch.
But then - trigger warnin- she died.

I thought there was room for peace, but Indie...

She likes to be drawn, so I drew her as she first represented herself and then the safe place she picked for herself.

I m scared of the face she keeps showin me. I know what she s tryin to tell me. I think I do. It makes me so scared I d rather crawl in a corner and never come out.
It s as if it s happenin all over again. And my attitude makes her scream and pull her hair. She wants distance, but she wants me to draw his ... his fa.. his I can t I just .... I asked her to give me some space but she s s o upset.

I m curled up with my cherry pit cushion to ease her anxiety a bit and had a vanilla drink. But she can t settle for now. Tryin some music. But wha t she wants is that .... that .... O GOD

you might not feel ready, but the fact that this is surfacing is a sign that you are ready, even if you don't feel like it. and indie seems to need and want to get this out and share this and have it be known, and it will help you both in the long run, even if it doesn't seem to be helpful now.

this is like a wound. it's going to hurt worse being cleaned out and stitched up before it heals and started to feel better.

try some grounding techniques! try to let her share what she's trying to share while keeping yourself "here". use self-talk, talk out loud even, and remind yourself as she shared things that this is not happening right now, you are safe, she is safe, this is something that happened in the past, it is not the past right now, you are not being hurt right now, you are ok, she is ok, and that these things happened in the past but are not happening right now, and that you are safe. try to do some deep breathing and keep yourself as calm as possible. try to get something that helps you feel safe, like a blanket, or a stuffed animal, or a pillow, and squeeze them and hug them.


this will pass. it might hurt, and it might be hard, but it will pass, and it won't last forever, and it's not happening again, it is in the past, and you are ok right now even if you don't feel like it, you are.

*safe hugs if wanted*


- cassie (age ?)

Thx for the advice hun. Am gonna try some more music and cuddlin a cushion;

the images are becomin more clear so is the - trigger warning- blood.

She s so injured. She s climbin down now tho, HUGE progress. She wants a cuddle it seems. I can t recall her ever wantin that.

We ll see how it goes.

Thanks!

Nina11

you're welcome! i hope the cuddling and stuff helps and i hope you both feel better soon.

even cassidy, as scary and dark as she can seem, is just a kid deep down inside. alters/parts are just like people- they might be mean, they might be scary, they might do things you don't like, but deep down, all they want is to be heard, understood, accepted, cared for, and loved.




- cassie (age ?)

that s exactly what my T told me and I never forgot. When alters started to attack me, I protected myself with the animals I have on the savana, and told them they coul d only come closer if they changed.
Immediately they were sobbin and beggin for attention, love and recognitionn.

It s very tiring. I m exhausted on a daily basis; But we can t ignore them, they re part of us and we just need to love every single part.

Even the dark ones. They too need love and attention.

Nina11 wrote:that s exactly what my T told me and I never forgot. When alters started to attack me, I protected myself with the animals I have on the savana, and told them they coul d only come closer if they changed.
Immediately they were sobbin and beggin for attention, love and recognitionn.

It s very tiring. I m exhausted on a daily basis; But we can t ignore them, they re part of us and we just need to love every single part.

Even the dark ones. They too need love and attention.

so true.

don't forget to take care of yourself, though. you deserve some "you" time and rest time and stuff like that too. if you're not doing well, you won't be able to help others that well. that, and everyone needs break times and relaxation times and stuff.


- cassie (age ?)

i have started playing this game amnesia: the dark descent... so far it pleases me... to play as this man of severed memories and a death wish... the monsters and hiding and rain and fire and darkness... it is like my home.... strange to see a place so very ell in this outside world... i laugh... in this game there is a sanity meter... it humors to think what mine would be... if i even had one.. i think not.... ah... be well my fellow denizens of the darkness.... rat...

Imagining, visualising violence calms me.
Technicolor.
Ripping out fingernails one by one by one by one.. and I can breath a little easier.
Suicidal ideation.
I'd never do it to the Body, but in here it stills me. Equilibrium.
Cliffs edge, rope and cut throat razors.
Depress the pedal and close your eyes. Fecking Zen.

This guy we used to work with, he was bad news.
Creepy as hell, but then so am I.
I move that face of ours muscle by muscle and people recoil from that lopsided, slow smile of mine.
They don't know I am in here but I guess subconsciously they see me after all. Bad news.

Inside I am the devil's son. Inside I am a patricide.
But Lud the Devil, really he is our Mother.
I'd do her too.

Peace and love and empathy.
Fecking forgiveness.
I am so tired of that shite.
I don't ever want to lay eyes on her again.
Her voice makes my skin crawl.

The creepy guy we used to work with, he cut his own throat, side to side, in a superstore toilet.
A big old bloody smile.
By Grabthar's hammer, what a savings.

Lud, he spooned my eye out. Inside. Made me laugh. He should have taken the other one too.
I am so fecking tired.


Maledict Cloak