The "Dark Thread" *Possible Trigger Warning*

Well, he's my brother. So... He likes to mess with me. I haven't said anything about it because it has only happened a couple of times.
I do it 'cuz it calms him down, man. He's a high-strung cat and my cool is infectious. I give my man a squeeze and boof, he's all out of steam. I don't hug hard or for long and if there was a better way to get him to chill out I'd love to know. Right now this is the most quick, safe, and effective thing we've got. My bro just ain't used to feelin' loved.

-"Kev"
Stop interrupting me, dude. :l getting kinda sick of this $#%^.
Sorry, man. You stopped typin' and I thought you were done. You let me know when I can jump in next time.
Yeah, fine.

at times i want to take the knife and sink it too deep into myself. it would not hurt, because i feel nothing. i have no soul, if the soul is the feeling. my aunt linn laughs and cries and dances and sings and her soul has many colors, but mine is black. the abscence of light. i am already dead, so perhaps the knife entering once again would change nothing. i asked my archangel about this, and it was said all living things have a soul. that only the machine would lack it. but if i am not alive and not dead, between a place of breath and none, what am i. i am liquid, taking the shape of what is expected. i have no home within myself, no form that is mine. often i wonder if other people are blank beyond their mask of human, but then i see their eyes and i know that i am the other. these thoughts choke me, different than choking by the hands although no more pleasant or unpleasant; still it is the annoying fly in a room. the fly could be killed, however this can not.
damned

cassidy... hope indeed... a strange feeling to find it cast toward myself... i laugh... it is much like the shoe which does not fit... though less uncomfortable... if you could play this diablo i would delight to see you there... if not i would still see you here... and delight the same... rat...

I need to vent, so this'll be rant-ish.
Ok. I need to tell you guys something. Dallan said he'd tell if I didn't, so I just decided to instead.
It's something about me, so I'm going to steal my own spotlight. :3 Anyway...
I killed Cross. [In our system, everyone regenarates when they die, so no one really ever "dies" I suppose.) It was when I was trying to take over, I admit. I shot her with a gun in the chest. Guilt...? Not afterwards, but I laughed... Just laughed. I feel absolutely horrible about it now.
I've already apologized like, a million times, and everyone's forgiven me. But whenever I do something wrong, mainly because I have a odd habit of ruining our lives, I like, can't stop apologizing. Night-Shade asked me about what I said after I had killed Cross, which I had previously forgotten. Then I remembered and it hit me like a f##king sledgehammer.I said I would "kill every one of them as long as I had to," for me to be able to take over. I felt really guilty about it, and then lapsed into this:
"Why should I care about life? There's nothing to live for and there's nothing to die for, so I'll just keep on living..."
Which, even though I haven't done anything and will probably never do anything, is still a bad spot for me to be in because I'm usually depressed and a little sucidal.
And, I can't even tell out T about all of this because she's a f##king idiot.
***
If nothing will except me but the darkness, then let it?
Burn and kill and stab and slash and cut and mark until you can't see, be anything but red...?
I'd never deliver the killing blow, but make death, dying unavoidable and long and drawn out so that they absolutely f##king beg me to kill them, but I don't. Just lick the sweet blood off them and walk away, too scared to be the cause of death even if there was no Law...
S##t. Sorryforinterruptingeveryone'slives...
-Shadow

I can't say much but I wanted to say this:

-- Shadow, you are not wasting anyone's lives, you do not "have" to let the darkness accept you (and you are not bad if you are dark), it is perfectly understandable to feel bad for killing Cross now but have laughed about it at the time, and you can talk all you want to on here (sorry your therapist is unhelpful).

I wish you the best, and am sending what good thoughts I have your way.



-- James, thinking of you and sending what good thoughts I have your way.



-- damned, just because you might have a black soul, doesn't mean you are already dead. Black is just as empty as white, and can be filled with just as many things, including colors, as white can, even if you cannot see them. Darkness to L.C. has always been equal with life, energy, and a safe place. White does not always equal "good" nor "life", and black does not always equal "bad" nor "death". I have seen white represent death and evil, and I have seen black represent life and goodness. What it means to you is a personal choice. And as for feeling, both L.C. and I rarely feel, for we only feel when we choose to care or when an emotional reaction to something is beyond our control. The soul is not feeling. If you do not feel, that does not mean you do not have a soul. It simply means that your feelings have become numb or "turned off", either by choice, necessity, or as a reaction to things that have been experienced.


-- rat, I know Cassidy misses you and would say "hi" right now if she could. And I know she hopes you are doing well.



~Luna

I have decided what I am to do so far at last I am not lost. I am going to intergrate my brothers for they never stop suffering in the darkness but I am different I am the king of my own dark desires.
I shall control my own thirst and hunger and only kill when needed.
I shall stay in the mansion after I find my son who hid due to my cold and cruel actions.
I realise it was needed They did not appreciate there own god so I destroyed it and let them suffer the consequences.

and I think I have someone to thank for some advice
but I forgot who but I'm sure the creature knows who they are
I say thank you deeply
deeper than a scapel blade to soft pale skin

sorry for intruding again

-Hades

Ah, so it is reconciled. I am glad for it. It is difficult to step from indecision to a new understanding. And yet you step. The darkest time before the light and all this. I am pleased it goes well for you and to hear from you again.
Magdella A'Lilit

I want to rip his arms off.
Tear off his P***s and feed it to a dog.
-Jenny

Oui, c'est tres terrible! moans of pain Il est terrible! Non non non! Je suis tres desoles Jenny. C'est ne pas d'accord. J'espere vous avez d'accord. Je comprends le mal de vous.
Emily
She says, "Yes, it is very terrible! He is terrible! No no no! I am very sorry Jenny. It is not okay. I hope you are okay. I understand your pain.

- Vernadael Teiryn

Sorry this was the only place I was told to vent because we can't find another thread

I've been keepng my temper under raps for far to f*cking long and every god damn person in here won't f*cking listen to me for f*ck sakkke.

everyone on says take a zoloft it'll help u all well f*ck it may work for u and other people but for us we know its its gonna f*ck are head up. we are fine we are survive no one has noticed we haven't self mutilated in f*cking years yes we are getting closer and closer to a T we are working are f*cking arses off for areselves mainly and everyone else.yes we had a hospital visit that was unpreventable to tell you the f*cking truth.

we aren't 5 or 12 or 30(we dont deny parts are) we are 19 turning 20 body wise.. if you dont believe in DID treat us like that

stop pandering us to do what you think is right
yes working is a part of life : we are working we are thinking of quitting due to stress and decaying mental health instead of jumping of the roof
yes we do drink and smoke : are own personal choice not to be judged

I'm sick of people lecturing us all when we've only been doing the right thing.

get of are case for once we've been working hard for areselves with nothing but criticism
get sick and tired off everyone. dont care if you did care you'd give us a break.

vent doneeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

I'm sorry Im sick of it all

Sorry that you're getting lectured and everything. That sucks.

Zoloft and other chemical drugs aren't the answer to everything, and they don't help everyone. I'm also sick of people thinking that getting on meds will fix everything.

Congrats on not self-harming for so long.

Wow, 19 turning 20? I thought you guys were older than us at least... We're 21 body-wise... You guys are really strong and wise for being young. And you've made a lot of progress with DID too.

You are doing all the right things, and it sucks that people don't understand and are getting at you for it.

Mental health comes before a job (this is something Kat and Cassandra need to realize).

Drinking and smoking is always a personal choice, and no one should ever be judged for it, especially if you're doing it responsibly in the sense that it's not affecting anyone else negatively and such.

Sorry this is all going on, but it's good that you got to vent here. Hope things get better for you all.



~Luna