The "Dark Thread" *Possible Trigger Warning*

Before I let Danny say what he wants to say, I want to thank you Kat for before so supportive of him. I think the more positive things he hears the less likely he will act out and hurt an animal, especially Milana.

i just saw shaun of the dead. there were zombies eating people. munch munch munch. guts and everything. i wonder if they eat animals. tear them to bits and munch away. i know what animal flesh tastes like, all bloody and warm directly from the body.

but i can't do that anymore, so i imagine. munch munch munch on the pretend animals.

The desire to kill is strong, but I must wait. I must continue to observe my surroundings to find the perfect way to execute my plan.

But first the starvation. Just as The Mother did. A slow death, right before the true kill. Hmm, shall I use knives? A gun? Poison? No, do as The Mother. First starvation, then the beating of death.

I must speak of it, must tell, for it calms my raging urge. It allows me to wait. To be patient.

I ######6 hate everything. I blame the ######6 show. That god damn show stirs some $#%^ up. And the ######6 SO bitch. ###$ her $#%^ and the therapist's too and Gabrielle and ######6 ###$! I can't make us bleed! I tried! I was so close!
I hope we can get this pot soon. I ######6 need it. I just need $#%^ to stop for a while. It's ######6 ######6.

I want to kill her. I WANT TO KILL HER AS MUCH AS I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. That's a f#!king lot.

Ray (yes, unlike Jo, I'll f#!king say her name) ABANDONED US. She's always said she would be there for us, the best friend we ever had.

F#!k...Amelia even sent her a text telling her off THREE DAYS AGO. Has she replied? No, no, no. no nonononononnononono.

I can't handle it. Another person just abandoning us.

I'm going to hop on a bus and f#!king get to where she lives AND KILL HER.

No knives, no knives, no knives. Decorative knives though. Too good to use on myself.

Screwdriver! I know where Jo's husband keeps his tools. Kill her with a screwdriver.

SHE DOESN'T EVEN DESERVE A SCREWDRIVER. F#!K F#!K F#!K. I can't do this. All of us are freaking out, she abandoned us!!

Just need to kill her. - Theresa/us

Theresa-
Take some deep breaths and calm down, first of all.

Next, try to put yourself in Ray's shoes. Could she be busy with her own life and problems? Could her phone have gotten lost or is it off? Could she be dealing with her own life crises? Could she have family issues that she's paying attention to? Could she have felt hurt by Amelia's text and be too hurt or scared to respond? Could she feel bad for making Amelia mad and feel like she shouldn't respond? Could she feel angry that you're assuming that she's abandoning you without getting the whole picture/story?

Do not assume that she's abandoning you until you have her side/story of things. There could be many reasons for why she hasn't answered. Many people on here go days sometimes without answering PMs or threads or such. Ray has her own life, most likely her own problems/issues, and she can't always be there for you or anyone else. No one has any obligation or can be expected to literally always be there for someone else because it's not possible or realistic.

Do not be angry until there is proof that anger is appropriate. Do not jump to conclusions or assume things until you know the whole story, have the whole picture, and know about what's going on in her life.

We are often unable to be there for many people. This is not on purpose, nor is it our fault. But we still feel very hurt when others assume we've abandoned them, forgotten them, aren't there for them, don't care about them, etc. It is important to recognize that everyone has their own life, their own issues, their own priorities, their own problems, and their own ways of dealing with things. Perhaps she's feeling too stressed, overwhelmed, or even depressed to interact with anyone or feel up to helping anyone right now. Sometimes for us, we can't even manage to reply or keep in contact with someone no matter how much we care or want to because we're that depressed, or we're that stressed out and it's too much just to reply to someone, or we don't feel like we can be helpful at the moment so we don't feel like we can/should reply.

There are always two sides to a coin. Not everything is about you, your problems, your feelings, your issues, and not everything/everyone will or should be expected to be there when you need them/want them too, as that is not always possible nor realistic. She is not your therapist. She has no obligation to be there for you but has been in the recent past out of kindness and caring about you.


~Marie

She hasn't sent us more than two texts since we were "diagnosed" with DID, in October. She hasn't replied to more than three texts before that since Jo got married last January. Before that? She didn't even reply to the text that Milana insisted Jo send denouncing her as Alpha!

We've been trying to believe she's there, but that's so much, so much. And for some reason I'm to come out for the freak out. All of us loved Ray, even though she didn't know of anyone but Milana.

I know my urges to kill her aren't mine, they're Amelia's. SHE NEEDS TO DIE.

I drew cut marks on myself, I smoked three cigarettes. Wasn't enough to deal with every being SO UPSET. So I cut. I found one of Jo's husband's knives and cut, cut twice, cut a third time. Licked the blood like always. Had a cigarette. I'm calmer now, but everyone else isn't!!!

F#!K JO. She just had to look at her phone and think of Ray. Always thinking of that b!tch and we can't forget Ray, we can't.

F#!KING RAY IN A YEAR AND A HALF HOW HARD IS IT TO RESPOND TO A TEXT.

Stop f#!king crying, there's people crying and they won't stop!!

I can't do this. SHE NEEDS TO DIE. D@mn it...I'm getting panicky again.

why do I have to deal with this? Nadia hates me. So does Ray.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Breathe. Sorry.

Ah, ok. Ray is the "R" I've heard about. Now I can better understand the situation.

Honey, I'm proud of you for trying to not cut, and I'm sorry it wasn't enough. Maybe the next time you feel like this, try to hide or put away all the sharp objects in the house, or take yourself out for a walk as you smoke cigarettes, or something. You did a very good job trying to not self-harm, and everyone slips up sometimes.

No one hates you. Not Nadia, not Jo, not me, and not Ray. I think Ray's issue is that she's simply not a good friend or person for any of you to have in your life. This does NOT mean she deserves to die. Amelia needs to take some deep breaths herself and calm down. This person is not worth your time, not worth your emotion, not worth any of you being upset over, and not worth your effort or friendship. Just let her go and be done with it. She's not worth anyone's anger, she's not worth punishing, it's her loss for losing you as a friend, and she's not worth your time. You may have loved Ray, but clearly she did not love you, at least not to the extent that you all thought. This is sad and unfortunate, but true, and obviously she is not a true nor good friend to you, nor will she ever change or be there for you. It is best for everyone to just cut ties, let her go, and not care about her as much as possible.

You CAN forget Ray. It will not happen immediately, it might not be easy, it might not seem possible, but it is. Just as healing is, forgetting is possible as well. Delete things that remind you of her. Delete her contacts. Cut her out of your life, because clearly, she's pretty much cut you out of her's, and you deserve to have friends that will actually care, show that they care, and be there for you, all of you.

You can do this. Let people cry. It's good to express sadness and get that out of your system. It's ok to cry when you're sad, hurt, or so angry that you could explode.

You are very strong, Theresa, all of you are. You CAN make it through this. You have already made it through so much more, and you've survived this far, you can certainly survive this, trust me.

Don't be sorry. Just breathe, count to ten, try to relax, try to calm down. These are normal and understandable reactions to have. Realize that Ray is not abandoning you, she has simply grown apart from you, and is not a good friend for you, and that happens in life sometimes. You are not alone in your experience with this, in your thoughts, feelings, or struggles, trust me. Realize that this is not the end of the world, though. You still have people here who care for you, support you, and are here for you. You still have Jo's husband who loves you, cares for you, supports you, and is there for you, all of you. You are not alone and you are strong enough to make it through this.


This person has hurt you, and it will take some time to heal from that. But it was not your fault that they hurt you, it was not because of anything any of you did, and it is this person's choice that they are not responding to you and not a part of your life anymore. And this person shouldn't be a part of your life. They are not worthy of being a part of your life, and they've shown they aren't a good nor reliable friend, and you all deserve better people/friends in your life than that.


Please try to stay safe, and make sure to clean and bandage and take care of the cuts properly so that they can heal properly. Put on some angry or sad music, or try to distract yourself with a movie, or vent/rant here as much as needed. This will pass, and you will and can survive this.


~Marie

she thinks she can talk to us and try to make everything f*cking different. -??

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuurrrnnnnnnnnn -??

F*ck her f*ck everything she can go to h*ll -??

BliNd IgNoranT GirL NaIve Wh*Re -??

AliasForAFew wrote:I ######6 hate everything. I blame the ######6 show. That god damn show stirs some $#%^ up. And the ######6 SO bitch. ###$ her $#%^ and the therapist's too and Gabrielle and ######6 ###$! I can't make us bleed! I tried! I was so close!
I hope we can get this pot soon. I ######6 need it. I just need $#%^ to stop for a while. It's ######6 ######6.

I am sorry things are so difficult for you right now, Jacob. But I am happy you did not succeed in your self-harming attempt. Hurting yourself is never the answer, and even though it seems to help, in reality it does not help anything, and it's only an unhealthy distraction.

What, exactly, are you so upset about? It seems like you're upset about things being learned/"found out" about. Why is that?

I hope you feel better soon, and that things calm down for you soon. Luna says she's sending you good thoughts and thinking of you.


~Marie

-- Tue Feb 12, 2013 10:29 pm --

wronglesson wrote:Before I let Danny say what he wants to say, I want to thank you Kat for before so supportive of him. I think the more positive things he hears the less likely he will act out and hurt an animal, especially Milana.

i just saw shaun of the dead. there were zombies eating people. munch munch munch. guts and everything. i wonder if they eat animals. tear them to bits and munch away. i know what animal flesh tastes like, all bloody and warm directly from the body.

but i can't do that anymore, so i imagine. munch munch munch on the pretend animals.

I will pass the word on to Kat. I'm sure she's happy to help.


I think most zombies in zombie movies only eat people, but I'm sure there's some movies and books where zombies might eat animals. That's interesting, Danny. I don't know what animal flesh tastes like, at least not without it being cooked and prepared first.

I'm glad that even though you can't do that anymore, you can at least pretend to do it, and you can always talk about it here, too.


~Marie

wronglesson wrote:The desire to kill is strong, but I must wait. I must continue to observe my surroundings to find the perfect way to execute my plan.

But first the starvation. Just as The Mother did. A slow death, right before the true kill. Hmm, shall I use knives? A gun? Poison? No, do as The Mother. First starvation, then the beating of death.

I must speak of it, must tell, for it calms my raging urge. It allows me to wait. To be patient.

I hope you aren't able to execute your plan, but I'm glad you can share it here and express yourself here, and I'm glad it helps you to wait and be patient.

Why do you want to follow the mother? Why do you believe that Jo deserves these things? Is it only because you believe in what the mother believed? Or do you have your own reasons and are not just simply following the mother?

Of course, you don't have to answer any questions you don't wish to.

~Marie

spanky_spee wrote:she thinks she can talk to us and try to make everything f*cking different. -??

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuurrrnnnnnnnnn -??

F*ck her f*ck everything she can go to h*ll -??

BliNd IgNoranT GirL NaIve Wh*Re -??

I am sorry you feel this way, but I am glad you can express yourself here.


~Marie

I'm here for f*cksake I hate this place I disapeared for a good ######6 reason I ain't gonna come back I ain't gonna co-mmu-ni-cate I ain't ######6 here for amusement nothing no sh*t like that B*itches F*cking dumb stupid F*cking teenage GIRLS f*cking up anything good. ###$ that aye. She has to start taken this Sh*t seriously soon enough She keeps digging she ain't gonna like what she finds the little girl ain't ready better off to hide again. she ain't haven her body back for awhile now. punishment for the fools.