Not connecting with my T or anyone really

Apparently I'm not connecting with my Therapist of anyone in my life. . . I don't know what to do differently. I've never connected with people. EVER. I don't really want to because it scares me. People never really love me or know me or care.
I'm not really allowed to say much to anyone about what goes on inside. I told the T one thing and ended up hearing shouting in my head and seeing ugly images flashing. I know I messed up. I don't know what to do. Talk to the T in detail and try to connect or not open my mouth in fear of the others . . . they are so mean to me.
I don't know what my name is, but I know how old I am. How can I connect with my T when all I need in life is a hug? The T can't hug me, I'm sure. I HATE THIS!!

Yea, life is hard. I feel the same way. Never can really connect. I often say, 'I made it so that nothing can touch me, and then when it can't, I hate it'. I also really don't know what to do differently. Even if I Did know, I think I would be much too scared to do so. I don't like being vulnerable. I never feel like I fit in anywhere, like I can connect with anyone.
Therapy is always a struggle between hopes and needs, and denial and 'rules'. Littles desperately want to cling to the t, they think about her all day. I think it's wrong, dangerous. I won't let them.
I hope you can find some buddies inside who can help you talk to the t. Maybe those that don't want you to talk have a good reason not to. I wish they weren't so mean to you, so you could at least connect with them. What do they say when you ask them to stop being mean?
I hope you do have a good t who isn't forcing you to talk. Baby steps I guess.

Safe hugs

yes, I suppose we all want them. Motherly love will sadly never be replaced.

I find if we can't connect with ourselves, it's very hard to connect with others. Maybe you could try to focus for a while on focusing with your others? When we really connect with ourselves, we can be much more connected with others as we use the same skills with others. I guess. I'm not making too much sense since I'm a bit switchy. Sorry

Wow. This. Exactly. I can connect to people to some degree, but it's always limited. Connecting with my T has been very hard too. There is such a huge age difference! I can much easier talk with someone of a younger age. And I cannot say a lot things (most/all dissociation related), which doesn't improve things.

lifelongthing, what you're saying actually makes a lot sense to me. I have never really connected to myself. I could never really express myself (I think this has it's reasons). I'm starting to connect more. What you're saying makes me to want to work on myself even more than I'm already doing.

Oh my! I didn't realize how I felt - I guess I didn't actually write the post . . .
I really do need to get to know my system. I appreicate what someone said about connecting with myself first. . . . I am really sad that I have 20+ parts and that new ones seem to appear daily. It's too much. I don't want to know anymore names or anything about them. no. no. no.

I'm glad what I wrote made sense

I am really sad that I have 20+ parts and that new ones seem to appear daily. It's too much. I don't want to know anymore names or anything about them. no. no. no.

I can definitely relate to feeling like it's too much. I am overwhelmed by my system, by my life, by everything right now, really. But I know it also means that we are doing a good job and healing more, because more parts are able to express themselves and come out and show who they are. That means they, too, know it's safe now. I hope you are able to see that this is progress in time. Best of luck