Experiences with uncertainty of who you are/how you feel?

Owleyes wrote:Sorry to butt in on the thread I'm sorry to hear Poppy's not doing so well. Gemma took a liking to her, too (kindred spirits ) Hope she's doing better soon.

lifelongthing wrote:I, too, hope she feels better very soon

Thanks guys We appreciate the well wishes. Nice to know people remember good old Poppy too.

B

Of course we do We remember all of you

A lot of the time I don't know who I am, don't feel real, can't figure out if someone else is out or what. Seems like sometimes the whole system just shuts down in every way. No feelings, just watching myself go through the motions, really disconnected from everything. Shamer and Desiree pretend to be me so that we can keep functioning, especially at my high level management job, so I think we have to shut down to just turn everything off and set it aside in order to function. I used to have a lot of feelings and they seemed pretty out of control. But now, I wish that I could feel more, even if its bad feelings. I just never seem to feel like "myselves" because it feels like there's so much pretending going on. When I'm in a therapy session, and also now on this forum seems to be the only time I feel real, that the outside matches the inside. That's the hardest part, not having the outside match the inside. I'm not sure if I helped or not, but I could identify with not knowing who I am. Alysone

-- Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:57 am --

A lot of the time I don't know who I am, don't feel real, can't figure out if someone else is out or what. Seems like sometimes the whole system just shuts down in every way. No feelings, just watching myself go through the motions, really disconnected from everything. Shamer and Desiree pretend to be me so that we can keep functioning, especially at my high level management job, so I think we have to shut down to just turn everything off and set it aside in order to function. I used to have a lot of feelings and they seemed pretty out of control. But now, I wish that I could feel more, even if its bad feelings. I just never seem to feel like "myselves" because it feels like there's so much pretending going on. When I'm in a therapy session, and also now on this forum seems to be the only time I feel real, that the outside matches the inside. That's the hardest part, not having the outside match the inside. I'm not sure if I helped or not, but I could identify with not knowing who I am. Alysone

i don't know how old i am right now, or how old i even feel...

- cassie (age ?)