When i'm writing to myself...

Well, i usually dont feel like i'm thinking very much, and recently in efforts to try and get some thoughts out of my head i have started to write stuff down.


I saw a post where people would sometimes refer to themself's as "we" but for me i will start out with wanting in a way to say how i feel, and it will end up with stuff almost as if it was sombody telling me about stuff,

example:as time ages you there is not much to do but take the control that you can side-steping the people who do not fit into your personal life and doing within limits what you can to get some of your desires.

a few blank lines then...

Writtin for no reason HaH.


then i will write as if i'm talking to someone, its almost like a evil speach about how they are wrong and cant be right.


and another time i wrote about wanting to be happy and stuff

this is confusing me, i dont feel like i ever really have anything on my mind, but somehow somewhere this stuff come's out of me on to the paper.


thanks in advance if anyone can help me, Matt.

HI MATT,

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I STARTED WRITING A FEW MONTHS AGO. IT FEELS LIKE DIFFERENT PARTS OF ME ARE TRYING TO TELL ME THAT THEY ARE RIGHT, AND WHY. I FIND IT REAL CONFUSING.
SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE I'M WRITING DOWN STUFF FOR A CHILD THAT CAN'T WRITE FOR HERSELF. EACH ONE HAS DIFFERENT PENMANSHIP, AND A VERY DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW. (ONE IS THE INTELLECTUAL, PERFECTIONIST. ONE IS ANGERY AT THE WORLD. ONE IS CHILD-LIKE. ETC...) I'M ALWAYS LOOSING MY NOTEBOOK, AND HAVE STARTED SEVERAL. I DON'T READ THEM BECAUSE ONE WILL TARE UP OR EDIT THE OTHERS. WEIRD. I HOPE ONE DAY I'LL UNDERSTAND ALL THIS, OR AT LEAST, MAKE IT EASIER TO LIVE WITH.

KEEP ON POSTING
BENNY

i almost wish i could talk to myself like i was another person, it seems that writing stuff down is the closest i can get to that.

It is like i'm a diffrent person between when i'm alone, around people who i feel unrestrained around(basicly out of control) and people i try to use as a reason to act more normal and stable.

what was weird about what i was putting down is that it was almost as if i was lecturing to myself.

i dont really know why i wrote it down, i was just trying to write whatever came to mind.

i think i need to get a job or go to school and get some friends or somthing.

When i start living a life where i have more stuff to do and people to talk to i'll be able to concentrate on that more then on what is wrong with me and why i dont want to do anything and dont have friends.

Matt,
I you truly do have DID you will be able to have communication with your alters.

Kathy

HI,

I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE POSTING. IT IS NICE TO KNOW THERE'S

PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT I CAN RELATE TO. MY HUSBAND IS

THE ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS ABOUT MY DID OUTSIDE THERAPY.

IT'S AWKWARD TALKING TO ANYONE THAT DOES'NT HAVE IT. GUESS

THAT IS WHY IT HELP TO JOURNAL


WHEN I'M CENTERED, I'LL LEAVE POSSITIVE MESSAGES. TRYING TO

HELP MY ANGERY ALTER CALM DOWN ( IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK).

AT LEAST IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.


I THINK IT HAS HELPED MY INNER- CHILD TO UNDERSTAND WHAT

HAPPENED TO HER. THE MEMORYS OF MY PAST ARE LESS

FRAGMENTED, AND ALL THE PIECES ARE STARTING TO FALL INTO

PLACE. I CAN SEE THE WHOLE PICTURE, AS AN ADULT NOW. IT'S

EASIER TO ACCEPT THINGS, AND A GREAT WAY TO GET THINGS OFF

MY CHEST TOO. SO I DON'T ARGUE AS MUCH IN MY HEAD.

GOT A GO FOR NOW. KEEP ON POSTING


BENNY

HI MATT,

I TRY NOT TO COMPARE MY SELF TO OTHER PEOPLE, THINKING THEY'RE NORMAL, AND I'M NOT. EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN PROBLEMS IN LIFE TO DEAL WITH. WHAT'S NORMAL FOR ME MAY NOT BE NORMAL FOR SOMEONE ELSE. I ONCE HAD A THERAPIST TELL ME, "MOST PEOPLE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THE THINGS I'VE DONE, AFTER GOING THROUGH WHAT I DID." ALL I KNOW IS; I TRY NOT TO LET MY INSECURITIES STOP ME FROM LIVING THE HAPPY AND FULFILLING LIFE I DISSERVE. I THINK THAT IS THE BEST ANYONE CAN DO. IF I DON'T, I HURT MYSELF. WHAT'S WORSE IS, I LET PEOPLE THAT HURT ME IN THE PAST WIN, AND I REFUSE TO LET THAT HAPPEN! WHAT I DO DETERMINES WHO I AM, NOT WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE TO ME!

YOU WERE RIGHT WHEN YOU MENTIONED, HAVING DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES HELPED US. I ALSO THINK SOME OF THEM ECHO NEGATIVE THINGS THAT HARMED US IN THE PAST. WRITING HAS HELPED ME TO SEE THIS, AND TO FIND COMPASSION FOR MYSELF. I HOPE YOU FIND IT TOO. I ALWAYS THINK I NEED TO "FIX MYSELF", WHEN REALLY, I WASN'T "BROKEN" TO BEGIN WITH.

RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING TO MAKE SOME GOALS TOO. I ALSO TRY TO BE AROUND UNDERSTANDING, AND SUPPORTIVE PEOPLE. IT HELPS ME KEEP A MORE POSSITIVE ADDITUDE. WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT! I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET! NOW IF MY ALTERS WOULD ONLY MAKE UP THEIR MINDS ON WHO THEY WANT TO BECOME, I COULD DECIDE WHICH DIRRECTION ALL OF ME SOULD GO. CAN ANYONE RELATE?

SO MY LIFE SO FAR HASN'T BEEN THE COMMON NORM. IT SURE HASN'T BEEN BORING! SOME THE STRUGGLES WERE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, I GOT THROUGH IT! HARD WON EXPERIENCE HAS GIVEN ME THE ABILITY TO APPRECIATE THE GOOD THINGS IN LIFE, AND NOT TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED.

I DON'T KNOW IF ANY THING I WROTE HELPED YOU, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT HELPED ME. THANKS

BENNY

I too have recently been thinking about how i'm not broken and that i dont need fixed, trying to find problems when there are none is a problem for me because i for some reason or other dont think I am what i'm supposed to be.

I took a personality test that shows i have a rare type of personality.

I dont think that I have DID, though you dont really need to be talking to someone it to feel your Relating, even if you and all your "alters" dont agree, you still can read this, part of you can agree.


I am an INTP in the jung personality test. Http://www.SimularMinds.com

HI AGAIN,

I DID ONE OF THOSE TESTS, ON THE SITE YOU POSTED. THE TEST WAS FUN, BUT I WAS TOO CHICKEN, TO GIVE THEM ANY MORE INFORMATION. I AM A BEGINER AT THIS COMPUTOR STUFF. I DON'T WANT TO SCREW UP, AND DO SOMTHING I'LL REGET LATER.

I THINK ANYONE THAT IS HONESTLY TRYING TO GET HELP, AND FIND ANSWERS TO THEIR PROBLEMS, CAN'T BE ALL BAD.

I PARTICEPATE IN SEVERAL SELF-HELP GROUPS, AND CAN RELATE TO A LOT OF DIFFERENT ISSUES. I'M DISLECTSIC, (HOW EVER YOU SPELL IT), AND WRITING THESE POSTS TAKE ME A COUPLE OF HOURS. AS LONG AS I HAVE THE TIME, I'M NOT GOING TO STOP POSTING. THERE ARE A LOT OF DIFFERENT CHALLENGES I HAVE TO FACE EVERY DAY. I'M NOT GOING LET IT STOP ME TO GET BETTER.
IT'S NOT REALLY "FIXING" MYSELF, I'M A WORK IN PROGESS. THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE IS TO GIVE UP, AND SIT AROUND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. SOME THAT'S JUST WHAT I DO. IF I DO I TRY NOT TO STAY THERE LONG.

BENNY