Tired of this!

***Trigger warning***
I'm getting tired of denial. We keep on trying to tell her that's she's not going crazy, and that she does have DID. At the end of the day it usaully works, but there's always that worm of doubt that keeps on coming back, and then it starts all over again. It's like going around in a d@mn circle and we're getting tired of it... And Hex is getting really out of hand. We don't want to lock her up since we're afraid she'll be really mad if she ever breaks out. It's like, every day there's something else that comes up- "maybe I'm going crazy" or a new alter that we push away because we've already got enough on our hands and we don't need another one, and we don't even know why we're here, and, can someone please help? I feel like cutting myself again, and the only reason I'm not is because I promised the host I wouldn't hurt the body again... It's the only reason why I haven't gotten up and gotten the scisssors of the table and cut again, and again, again, until all our problems go away in a tidal wave of pain. I don't even know why I was sad in the first place... (I hope she doesn't remember any of this...)
Ivory

I'm glad your not cutting. It doesn't really help anything in the long term. Plus you deserve better than to be cut, you deserve love. It sounds like things are hectic for you right now. As for the denial, that's a natural response. When things are hard we all tend to try to pretend they aren't so tough. As things get easier, and they will, her denial will go away. It sounds like you could use a break too. Is there anything you enjoy doing? Writing, reading, listening to music that you could do to take your mind off things? I hope things get easier soon.
Geoff

Battling denial and doubt can most definitely get tiring and rather frustrating at times, but don't give up! It may not feel like it, but you're making great progress by learning how to handle this without things such as cutting, and battling the doubt/denial now will help you all feel better in the long run! Might not seem like it at times, but all the fighting you're doing will be well worth it in the end! And you guys are strong enough to reach that end, I know it. You're strong enough to make it this far, you're strong enough to be here, so you're strong enough to heal!

Here's a thread that might be helpful to you, Ivory. It talks about how to cope with self-harm desires and such.
- Stopping Hurting Myself: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101170.html

This one deals with frustrations with alters/voices and discovery/acceptance stuff, and you might be able to identify with it a bit, which may be helpful or interesting to you.
- Sick of this crap: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100787.html


And these ones might be able to help all of you, as they deal with denial issues.
- I'm done lying *Possibly Triggering* (deals with denial, has positive feedback from others) (possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic98729.html

- Done living this lie (deals with strong denial, anger, and arguing; has supportive replies from others) (triggering: read with caution): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic97494.html

- Internal Conflict (deals with denial, arguing, communication, and understanding) (possibly slightly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic96506.html

- Talk with myself (or not) about what's going on with me (deals with denial, doubt, thoughts of faking/lying/possible factitious disorder, and trying to make sense of things) (Possibly slightly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic104111.html


I hope I was somewhat helpful, and wish you the best of luck with this! Hang in there and stay strong, and remember you have support here and are cared about here!


~The Hawk

Thanks for the help from both of you! (The Hawk: You're a girl? I won't tell anyone else, I promise!
Ivory

What great responses you have gotten already - so I just want to give encouragement! Maybe, however you communicate to her (journal? voice? thought?) you might ask follow the thread of question to get down to why she is in such denial... I suppose that may be covered in one of the links The Hawk gave...so not trying to retell something... but our T does that. "What if... (whatever it is I fear is true is true) or what if - it's not.

Usually, at the end of the train of thought, there is a Truth that has to be faced. Like...for my son, the IF I truly have alters and I understand DID to be what it is...that means I have to face something bad has happened to cause this... such a hard fact. In our situation, it seems that my son blocks things he already has a suspicion/gut feeling about...he doesn't want to have the truth out there because then it becomes more real...

Good luck...keep coming here for help/relief!

Desiria wrote:Thanks for the help from both of you! (The Hawk: You're a girl? I won't tell anyone else, I promise!
Ivory

I am a girl, actually! But I'm a very asexual-type of girl. I wear whatever I feel like, be it girls' or boys' clothes, and I'm not really that "girly", I'm more of a tomboy. The first time I actually saw/was what I looked like inside (at first, I only identified with colors, so I'd show up as a color blur/flash thing), I was wearing slightly baggy boys' jeans, a white "wife-beater" tank top, had a red mohawk, and was wearing a black sports bra (so, pretty flat chest ). So yeah, I'm definitely not your "typical girl".


~The Hawk