I'm new, and typing, can I tell you things? (trigger warning

I am small and have been for a LNG time. For a LNG time no one knew who I was, but recently we go and talk to someone who made us all know we are here. We don't talk to him much, we let Mark talk to him. He does a good job, but he is very scared and confused. He doesn't talk to us as much as he should...but he's trying to start. There are a lot of us, more than he knows. But the ones that are around a lot are me (Little), Gaurdian, Anger, Dickhead. Teenager has been out a bit, the lady and the scared girl have peeks out...the othe day Guilt came out. He's the baddest one, he holds us all in pain and fear and makes it hard for everyone to live.

Mark turns 40 in April and is scared because he hasn't worked in a long time (because of us). He has a hard time with the things we hold on to, the things that happened. His daddy was a very bad man, and his mommy gave him NO love. He has no family anymore now, and very few friends. He hates himself so much and he always thinks about killing himself, some of us want him to.

We have been told by people (T)that we are officially DID, but we are also Borderline Personality Disorder and C-PTSD (we did a lot of tests and talked to a lot of people). Mark has no recollection of any memories before 15 years old, lots of bad things, even as a little baby. Even when we were older, the emotional abuse was bad. The mom never did anything to help. Mark was never told he was loved or hugged ever. Now he has a hard time loving.

We do have a SO, or is it mark that has her? She is Nadine. She is pretty, and smells good. She has a powerful job and she does her best to take care of us (she knows about us and probably talks to us more than mark) she works hard at understanding and talks a lot to our T about things. We like that because it means we don't have to talk to him.

We're confused by who is real and who isn't. We don't know who 'the host' is. Do we need one. We are splitting physically a lot, that is new. Mark has only known about us for less than a year.

Sometimes when we split its very physical, like those people in ghost movies who are 'possessed'...does anyone else et that.

Does anyone ever fell their memories being taken away. Sometimes, we remember things that happened days ago, but they really happened onto a few hours ago, and lots of times we forget things we say...does this happen to anybody.

I'm scared now, is anybody listening. Mark always thinks he's 'crazy' or that he's making it up. He always says 'if we're real, then he isn't crazy...that means all the bad things happen'

I don't think any of us will ever be happy. There are a lot of dark places to be scared of. I like typing in here. The others don't like to talk much, unless it's the really angry ones, then they say mean things. They can keep us trapped and not let us move. It's scary.

Am I allowed to say more? What do I do here now? We go back to the T in a few days. Lots has happened since we last went and we don't know where to begin....we actually forget a lot of it. Some of The Others like to take things away quickly. I don't know if it's for safety or to be mean.

Does anyone else hear things all the time! We hear radios a lot, lots of chatter....we always hear people talking. Sometimes we just want it to stop. We think we have tinnitus too...ringing in the ears.

I know right know that I'm co-hosting...is that right? I think Gaurdian is helping me type because I talk good right now. He used to protect us all, but he's says he's getting tired of doing it, that it's becoming too difficult because there are so many new ones to deal with.

I know I'm not supposed to say crazy, but Mark thinks he's crazy a lot. I don't think we are. I think we're all real.

Anger is getting upset, s I'm going to stop typing now. I hope we didn't make everyone mad. I hope I find some friends here....I would like some friends.

moks wrote:I'm scared now, is anybody listening. Mark always thinks he's 'crazy' or that he's making it up. He always says 'if we're real, then he isn't crazy...that means all the bad things happen'.

Yup. That is it in a nutshell. We have all been there, all faced that exact dilemma. Our insiders are real, we are not crazy, and bad things did happen to us. But you know what? We can still grow up to be healthy and happy.

Una+ wrote: moks wrote:I'm scared now, is anybody listening. Mark always thinks he's 'crazy' or that he's making it up. He always says 'if we're real, then he isn't crazy...that means all the bad things happen'.


Yup. That is it in a nutshell. We have all been there, all faced that exact dilemma. Our insiders are real, we are not crazy, and bad things did happen to us. But you know what? We can still grow up to be healthy and happy.

Ditto that.
Sorry you're so scared...

Don't you all get scared listing your Others at the bottom. Don't they get mad when you talk about them?

Hi, welcome. I'm glad you were brave enough to write here, Little. Do you have a name, or do you just go by Little? It's fine if you don't or, you don't want to say. How old are you? Again, you don't have to say of you don't want to. It's nice to meet you.

moks wrote:Don't you all get scared listing your Others at the bottom. Don't they get mad when you talk about them?

Yes, I get scared listing them. That's why I only list them sometimes. They don't get mad, though. I think they like that I believe they're real. You don't all have to be listed unless you want to be.

moks wrote:Sometimes when we split its very physical, like those people in ghost movies who are 'possessed'...does anyone else et that.

Yes, I often feel like I'm possessed. It used to be a really scary experience, but now that I understand what it is, it isn't so frightening anymore.

moks wrote:Does anyone ever fell their memories being taken away. Sometimes, we remember things that happened days ago, but they really happened onto a few hours ago, and lots of times we forget things we say...does this happen to anybody.

Yes, this happens to me too. I'm not sure why yet. It's confusing But it helps to know that other people understand what it's like. I hope you find some friends here, too. This is a friendly place, and there is a thread just for Littles here: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic94337.html if you want to talk there.

Just wanted to say hello and that yes, we've all been there

Don't you all get scared listing your Others at the bottom. Don't they get mad when you talk about them?

Some of our alters get scared, some don't. Like some of mine took quite a while before they were comfortable being in the signature/mentioned on here, while others didn't mind at all. Alters are just like everyone else and while some are comfortable sharing a lot on the internet, others are not No one has to put their names in the signatures though so if you're uncomfortable you don't have to think about it

Owleyes wrote:Hi, welcome. I'm glad you were brave enough to write here, Little. Do you have a name, or do you just go by Little? It's fine if you don't or, you don't want to say. How old are you? Again, you don't have to say of you don't want to. It's nice to meet you.

I hope I used quote right. I am just called Little, I learned it from a book when I got to come out. I'm not sure how old I am, under ten I think, there might be more littles I don't know for sure.

Thank you for saying hi!

-- Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:51 pm --

lifelongthing wrote:Just wanted to say hello and that yes, we've all been there

Don't you all get scared listing your Others at the bottom. Don't they get mad when you talk about them?

Some of our alters get scared, some don't. Like some of mine took quite a while before they were comfortable being in the signature/mentioned on here, while others didn't mind at all. Alters are just like everyone else and while some are comfortable sharing a lot on the internet, others are not No one has to put their names in the signatures though so if you're uncomfortable you don't have to think about it

Thank you for saying hi. Some of us like that our names could be there, others get angry. I think they want all the power and they get mad when questioned...or things happen they don't like. We have just started using our own voices, and coming out, talking to Nadine (SO) as ourselves. Mark is confused by it, he thinks it's fake. I'm not fake. And Anger REALLY isn't fake.

Thank you for saying hi!

-- Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:54 pm --

Owleyes wrote:Hi, welcome. I'm glad you were brave enough to write here, Little. Do you have a name, or do you just go by Little? It's fine if you don't or, you don't want to say. How old are you? Again, you don't have to say of you don't want to. It's nice to meet you.

moks wrote:Don't you all get scared listing your Others at the bottom. Don't they get mad when you talk about them?

Yes, I get scared listing them. That's why I only list them sometimes. They don't get mad, though. I think they like that I believe they're real. You don't all have to be listed unless you want to be.

moks wrote:Sometimes when we split its very physical, like those people in ghost movies who are 'possessed'...does anyone else et that.

Yes, I often feel like I'm possessed. It used to be a really scary experience, but now that I understand what it is, it isn't so frightening anymore.

moks wrote:Does anyone ever fell their memories being taken away. Sometimes, we remember things that happened days ago, but they really happened onto a few hours ago, and lots of times we forget things we say...does this happen to anybody.

Yes, this happens to me too. I'm not sure why yet. It's confusing But it helps to know that other people understand what it's like. I hope you find some friends here, too. This is a friendly place, and there is a thread just for Littles here: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic94337.html if you want to talk there.

Some people say things here that I thought was just me. Like forgetting, and the way that we sometimes go all weird when we split. Thank you for telling me you sometimes feel the same. It makes me less scared and lonely to know its not just me that has these things happen.

Sometimes I get confused by I, Me and We. I'm not sure which one I should say sometimes.

Thank you for talking to me,

You're welcome
We told everyone they could put their names in the signature / get help from someone to put their names in the signature if they wanted to, but to not mention anyone who hadn't said it was okay yet It worked for us at least I hope you feel comfortable talking here and that eventually more of you can find support here if they feel it is needed

moks wrote:Don't you all get scared listing your Others at the bottom. Don't they get mad when you talk about them?

It took a long time here before I felt comfortable enough to identify the members of our system. On the other hand, once the insiders decided to stop hiding they desperately wanted to come out and be recognized. They need be known. They need for me to acknowledge them and, yes, talk about them. It was either I identify them, or they take executive control and self-identify. We want to integrate, meaning have full fusion, and decided that engaging in greater autonomy and division of executive control would not advance us to our goal. Also, I still don't know how to "get out of the way". I work on that in therapy, mostly to help Alter 4 communicate.

Una+ wrote:

moks wrote:Don't you all get scared listing your Others at the bottom. Don't they get mad when you talk about them?

It took a long time here before I felt comfortable enough to identify the members of our system. On the other hand, once the insiders decided to stop hiding they desperately wanted to come out and be recognized. They need be known. They need for me to acknowledge them and, yes, talk about them. It was either I identify them, or they take executive control and self-identify. We want to integrate, meaning have full fusion, and decided that engaging in greater autonomy and division of executive control would not advance us to our goal. Also, I still don't know how to "get out of the way". I work on that in therapy, mostly to help Alter 4 communicate.

I (host) have the most trouble with talking with The Others. They have started presenting to my SO, but I still struggle with doubt and mis belief, my resistance is weighty.

Thank you for this forum.