Newbie here , D.I.D. , How to communicate with alters

Hi Don. I have only been to this board for about a week, myself. Everyone is very nice to talk to and there is a great deal of information to obtain on DID from the boards. I don't have DID, but my mother has it. Like you, I know what it is like to feel like I bystander while a loved one is going through this. Certainly, I don't know what it is like to be in a romantic relationship with someone who has these experiences, so I will never pretend to know exactly what you are going through. Nevertheless, I know how hard it can be to just want to find answers; to want to know how to connect with the parts of the person you are seeing come out.

I first came here last week regarding a question about one of my mother's alters that may have another diagnosis, which makes it difficult to get along with them. This alter is not comfortable yet with sharing who they are or acknowledging that there are others. I have found that, in general, it has helped to acknowledge that something is going on, but in a supportive way. At first trying to acknowledge it, seemed like it wasn't helping, but finally progress was made, and I know two of her other alters pretty well. I know I have met others, but they aren't ready to be known yet, especially "the difficult one" I see fairly often (especially lately). I would say "the denial" and the constant lapses in memory are the two main things I hope will improve soon. I hope she goes back into therapy, and stays with it. Until then, I try to do what I can to make my mum and the other alters feel welcomed. It isn't easy still living at home, because for every time I try to be supportive, my father (parents are still married) is not often supportive. His inconsistency and regular anger compound the issues my mum is going through. I am staying home a quarter from school because of the situation, but it is a temporary solution. She said she wants to go back to therapy, but we'll see. The hardest part may actually be getting my dad to seek help. It isn't about "dropping my mom off somewhere to 'get fixed.'" He needs to seek help as well. The whole family--collectively and individually--needs help.

So far, coming to the boards has made me feel a lot better, during what has been a disastrous holiday season. I hope you continue to come to the boards as well, and ultimately, I hope you and your girlfriend can have outside help. Unlike my father, you are already on the right track.

Katie

I PM'ed tomboy24/Cassandra and found the answer back. It's this post up here:
Girlfriend explained to me that she has Alters (3rd page)
This one is about how to connect to alters. It is also in the list of threads Cassandra posted.

This has been some great info and most of my initial questions had been answered enough that i am catching on . We have a notebook out and open with some questions where she sits regularly in the living room . When we are discussing this situation and her alters i assume that they may be listening or at least some of them so i am very supportive which i am anyway but i make sure to throw in positive things about the other two i am aware of . After reading every link provided to me i feel confident that when i sense it is not my Jess that i will be able to start a conversation that is non confrontational . My social anxieties will make the coversation hard as they have all been Jess to me for so long and so now i will be trying to get to know them as individuals but once the ice is broken i will be fine .
Thank you all for your replies , they have helped me greatly .
Don

I'm glad to hear you feel more equipped to deal with this now I wish you the very best of luck.

Don, you are on the right track. Some standard questions to ask are "What just happened?" and "Who is here now?" and "Who would like to say something now?" Note that these are open ended (ie they don't ask for a yes or no response).