Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation Workbook

boopsy26 wrote: As the person becomes more healed, over time, the hippocampus grows and the amygdala stops controlling the memory encoding process. New memories become formed as conscious "me" memories, and old memories become reprocessed as "me" memories.

Sorry if this is a long, drawn-out boring explanation. Just thought it might interest a couple of you...

Yes, it should interest at least 3 of my alters. Thank you.

I'm not sure about this last part though. I don't think the old memories will be re-processed just because the structure is healed. The damaged "me" memories should remain damaged because of the plasticity, otherwise there would be no dissociative disorders like DID.

You oversimplify too much...You cannot do that...Complex conditions cannot be oversimplified because then the truth is lost...

ChristaAngel wrote:I'm not sure about this last part though. I don't think the old memories will be re-processed just because the structure is healed. The damaged "me" memories should remain damaged because of the plasticity, otherwise there would be no dissociative disorders like DID.

You oversimplify too much...You cannot do that...Complex conditions cannot be oversimplified because then the truth is lost...

I apologize if it seemed as though I was attempting to explain all of DID with this one area related to memory functions. I oversimplified the structures of the brain and their functions. I did not mean to oversimplify dissociative disorders. This memory problem is not the entirety of DID. What I described is just the explanation for memories and part of the explanation for time loss. The old memories get reprocessed through emotional release and verbal narratives. The structure begins to be healed through many many other processes, but as it does, new memories are stored more "normally". The old memories are healed through present-day processing. The new memories are healed through a healed structure. Whether or not integration, depersonalization/derealization, and the other phenomena associated with DID is healed is an entirely different problem having to do with entirely different areas of the brain, as well as cognitive processes of attribution and meaning.

As for "plasticity"- All that refers to is that the brain is pliable; the brain changes both in structure and neurologically.

boopsy26 wrote:The old memories get reprocessed through emotional release and verbal narratives. The structure begins to be healed through many many other processes, but as it does, new memories are stored more "normally". The old memories are healed through present-day processing. The new memories are healed through a healed structure.

As for "plasticity"- All that refers to is that the brain is pliable; the brain changes both in structure and neurologically.

Yes and no. You are correct in your way to describe it, but this plasticity is incredibly important. It is one of the main components to everything that happens inside the brain. Those "emotional release and verbal narratives" should be based on the concept of plasticity. Those memories are not formed simply because of hippocampus or amygdala (the anatomical structures are quite uninteresting actually since they are only regions, not functions). They are most likely formed due to plasticity.

I don't want to hijack Tylas's thread (even though I know Tylas loves this kind of stuff). I've answered your PM, and we can continue the discussion there. But, it should be noted that brain plasticity (also known as neuroplasticity) means the brain's ability to change due to experience. That's it. Not my way of describing it; that's what it is.

boopsy26 wrote:I don't want to hijack Tylas's thread (even though I know Tylas loves this kind of stuff). I've answered your PM, and we can continue the discussion there. But, it should be noted that brain plasticity (also known as neuroplasticity) means the brain's ability to change due to experience. That's it. Not my way of describing it; that's what it is.

Never worry about that, but you know that! I am reading away and absorbing GOOD info! This is not my thread. It is for whatever comes up, but it will soon turn to section III of the work book.

I tried doing this workbook earlier in the year, encountered far too much internal resistance and gave up I will follow this thread with interest, though.

Try again with the idea that you want everyone in your system to work toward a common goal. You need to set the example! Do not judge other alters. You are simply an alter yourself and you all have things to work on. If your goal is to heal and everyone works toward that it can help.

I tell people to think of the other alters as YOUR kids. When you have kids you love and accept them no matter what they do and you always strive toward good mental health for them and for yourself.

Chapter III pages 24-33

Chapter Summary
Alters can take either full or partial control. Partial control is called partial dissociation. Full control is called full dissociation or switching. (note that even those with a normal brain experience partial dissociation.)

Inner World - The inner world can be changed to increase communication between all alters.

Basic functions of alters - There are underlying similarities in all alters.

1. ANP - The alters that are given the task of daily life. Those with DDNOS will have one ANP. Those with DID will have at least 2 ANP. These parts, often called the hosts usually know nothing about other alters or that they have DID. This of course changes as one understands they have DID and begins to work on it.
2. EP - The alters stuck in "past traumatic experiences. " These alters behave as if the trauma they experienced it still occurring.

Awareness of other alters - This can vary for every alter and of course alters become more aware of each other when this task if worked on.

Executive control - One alter, usually the host will have executive control most of the time. If another alter takes FULL control (resulting in time loss) or enough control from the "host" that the host is only watching and cannot take back control, this would be called switching.

Passive Influence - Most dissociative parts influence the host from inside rather than switching. This is common in DDNOS and DID and does occur in those with a normal brain but not to the same extent as those with DDNOS or DID.

Alters - All alters will have their own memories, perceptions, thoughts, emotions, skill, behaviors and their own sense of self. Some alters will be more elaborate and autonomous than others. (note here - that the dissociative parts of those with DDNOS will not be as extreme)

Number of alters - The more alters the "lower the person's integrative capacity" tends to be.

Alter representation - Age, gender, emotional range, beliefs, behaviors, etc... "indicate what stills needs to be integrated" for a person. It is not the actual part (say Gorilla, different gender, rock, etc..) that is important and these should not "be taken literally." Instead it is the "meaning and function of what they represent that is essential."

Phobia and resolution of inner conflict - Usually the host (ANP) is phobic of the EP's. In other words, the host (without understanding why or even realizing they do it) avoids the trauma of their childhood.

Alters can have strong conflicts with each other - resolve these! Be the adult in the room! Resolve any feelings that alters have with each other such as fear, shame, or repulsion. Remember those alters you treat badly are "stuck in trauma-time- often feeling abandoned and neglected" by the host and other alters.

EP - EP represent "conflict and experience that is difficult to integrate."

Rejection of needy alters - Some alters (including the host alter) will reject needy alters thinking they are better off having no needs and to be self reliant. They find needy alters to be ... "repulsive or dangerous because they have had negative past experiences with expressing what they want or need."

Helper Alters - Some have these, some don't. These alters attempted to self sooth during childhood and can still help to sooth alters inside. The host can also learn to sooth other alters. These are often introjects.

Other introjects - Mother, Father, etc... These alters will "shame, threaten, or punish" other alters or they can attack people. These alters were created to protect the whole Self in childhood and they need the same love and care as any other alter in the system. If you want to ever heal - get over the shame and fear of these alters!!!

Fight alters - Angry ones stuck in "fight defense against threat." They can and do respond both against other alters or against people. This is the tough one in the system with the bravado attitude that they can do anything.

Ashamed alters - Shame is a horrible feeling, but do not avoid those alters that hold shame! Love and accept them! Teach all the alters to love and accept each other as well as you accepting and loving all alters.

Work:
1. What dissociative symptoms do you experience, how do their actions affect your functioning and what have you done that helps you deal with this?

The authors state that there are ways that you can notice alters such as lost time, hear them talking to you or to each other, experience yourself outside your body, body sensations that are not your own, thoughts or emotions not your own, unable to control your body, movements or behaviors.

2. Then they ask that you describe an example of the above.

3. Describe your own system.

1. By "dissociative symptoms" do you mean those you described above?

Inner World : No idea what this is. Trying to stay away from imaginary things. Apparently I'm not doing well enough because I haven't reduced my beliefs of having alters into something concrete.

Basic functions of alters: Are these how alters are grouped together?

ANP: I seem to have at 3-4 of them that are active in the daily life. It seems to make life a bit dissociated because I cannot focus on life the way I should since these ANPs do not always work together in harmony. The way I dealt with it was to block out those who I considered unproductive. In retrospect, maybe not the best idea...

Awareness of other alters: I seem to be too aware of my alters now. Still, every alter seems to consider themselves as the "real one" in some way. Except fragments/weak EPs. Not sure if this helps anything, just makes me feel insane. Can't control the behavior although I have some awareness.

Executive control: This happens almost all the time. Makes life problematic. Don't even know who the "host" is because nobody seems to share the main executive control at the moment. "Host" is just the one who my life applies to but nobody inside of me wants to be that person, it seems. I'm not sure about time loss. Time moves very fast usually but I seem to know what happens in my life.
Haven't been able to do much about this.

Passive Influence: Happens too often. Really impairs my concentration and confuses me who I am. But who are they influencing? The "host" or the other alters? Seems that several alters are usually blended together. Again, is there anything to do about this, or not?!

Number of alters: Not sure. Around 30 or maybe none at all? But I may not be good at identifying them. Maybe all of them are not alters at all. How to know what an alter is? I may not even understand the concept of alters.
Alters: Not sure if my memories can be that compartmentalized. Some of the alters however have a lot stronger ability to experience the memories, while others share them as "facts". Fluctuating mood or emotions seem to be correlated to the alters. Chances in skills make life problematic. Being stuck in certain behavior patterns are impairing social interactions. How the change the behavior? Anxiolytic drugs to calm them down.

Are alters strictly parts with own sense of self? But what is this sense of self? If it's usually not possible to feel anything but yourself, then how do you know if you switch into something else? I'm feeling depersonalization/derealization too much to be able to use that for anything. There is too much I've pushed away.Are these parts alters? Are temporary states of fear and "flashbacks" alters that communicate via passive dissociation? Are strange chances in opinions or beliefs passive dissociation of alters if these opinion/beliefs are foreign for "yourself"? Are sudden involuntary chances in behavior alters if they are connected to certain triggers? Feels like I have forgotten most of the weak, shamed alters, so they may need to found because at the moment I still seem to be fighting and suppressing everything.

So, in the end I don't really know if I have alters or not...I just have different states where I seem to be stuck involuntary without knowing. Some have own names, but most of them are not communicating so they cannot really have their own names or sense of self. They are just parts or fragments of myself, not full alters. But why isn't this "normal"? Every person should have a personality that consists of parts. How to know if I'm integrated or not?

Alter representation: Age is different to judge. Alters get older or younger, or follow my own age. Gender shifts between both...bah...makes me transgender...but the gender is usually just based on my stereotypical view of the world. Beliefs change and I have lots of different views although I don't agree with them. Emotions are too restricted and specialized. Makes me wonder if the alters have any real or own emotions at all or if they are stuck in the role they are given?

Phobia and resolution of inner conflict: Phobia of being myself or being connected to my own life. Anything to escape and avoid everything that is connected to myself. But still I haven't manage to erase myself.

Alters can have strong conflicts with each other:[/b] Yeah, but how to resolve their problems? It's not like they are listening. How am I supposed to be the "adult in the room" when I'm not really present? I would need to work on their problems when they are not present, but how does that work?

EP: Don't understand this concept to the fullest. Are EPs usually those who express emotions, memories and behavior, but lack apparent functionality in life?

Rejection of needy alters : Yes, but how to work out a schedule where they have time for their needs?

Helper Alters: I have at least one of these. Can this be used somehow to help the "needy alters that are out of control"?

Other introjects: Don't understand this concept. Is the alter who is in charge for making sure that I cannot trust anyone an introject of my mother who couldn't be trusted?

Fight alters: Seems that the core of my system is based on these. But how to tell them to chill when I still feel like I need to fight and forget everything else than my own survival?

Ashamed alters: Seems like I only have fighters to protect these poor things. I'm not sure if I even know about these because in the end life is about erasing these feelings. So, I should not have any of these if I have managed to erase my life well enough.


2.
The authors state that there are ways that you can notice alters such as lost time, hear them talking to you or to each other, experience yourself outside your body, body sensations that are not your own, thoughts or emotions not your own, unable to control your body, movements or behaviors.

Then they ask that you describe an example of the above.

Lost time: I lose time constantly. I don't lose content though. I just forget a lot what happens, but the frames stay the same. Time warps a lot faster than it should, but nothing special happens. So, I don't lose content, but I lose time. If I think back few weeks, months or years, then of course it's hard to remember the content, but I remember or "know" that I existed that time even though memories are hard to recognize. But eventually, I'd say I lose time when I fall into blank states filled with thoughts and stop living in the reality. In those moments I truly lose time.

Hear them talking? That would require hallucinations. So, no, I cannot use this. Hear them thinking? Yes, that exists. But identifying them based on the voice may be possible because that changes. Different types of inner voice, different ways of using it.

Experience yourself outside of your body? No. I feel that I don't exist in my body though and I'm just "made of thoughts". I usually don't have a body (unless you count the graphics I can see and feel), so I cannot be inside of it, but I'm not outside of that object neither. Otherwise the only example I can think of is seeing yourself from the outside during events like accidents/blows, or watching your own memories.

Body sensations that are not my own: No idea what this could be. Physiological processes, neurotransmitters? Those are my own.

Thoughts or emotions not your own: I feel emotions without knowing why. I think without trying to think. I cannot control the content. I have beliefs and opinions that are not my own. I'm having feelings over events I don't should have any (like memories).

Unable to control your body, movements or behaviors: Freezing. Going on autopilot. Doing things (behaving) without knowing why, or behaving that way even though knowing that it should be avoided. But some dissociative feeling is too strong to resist doing that. "Waking up back to the reality" and realizing that everything that happened before made no sense.

Comment: Maybe these are just really examples. Just stating the obvious.


3. Describe your own system.

Not sure. Four subsystems.
1) System that handles the reality.
2) System that handles the emotions.
3) Child parts and fragments.
4) System for protection.

Inner World : No idea what this is.

You must accept the unconscious mind? It is a big place.

Passive Influence: Happens too often. Really impairs my concentration and confuses me who I am. But who are they influencing? The "host" or the other alters?

The hosts.

Seems that several alters are usually blended together. Again, is there anything to do about this, or not?!

Perhaps their dissociative boundaries are not so big or perhaps their actions simply confuse you. Time will tell.

Number of alters: Not sure. Around 30 or maybe none at all? But I may not be good at identifying them. Maybe all of them are not alters at all. How to know what an alter is? I may not even understand the concept of alters.

I must admit that I am dependent now on my Observing EP giving me answers. Before I found them however I could still tell many of the alters apart. How distinct a dissociated states is will vary with state to state and person to person. You do have named states. Therefore you are able to identify some of them.

Anxiolytic drugs to calm them down.

Drugs are not needed for DID. Some take them. I take Prozac, but still drugs are not needed.

Are alters strictly parts with own sense of self? But what is this sense of self?

I so remember when I was trying to figure this out!
"Sense of self: Everybody develops a dynamic sense of self and in fact, even multiple senses of self and this is not done as a deliberate attempt. "Early in life, sense of self is associated with the security, protection, and acceptance that infants, toddlers, and preschoolers feel when effectively cared for by adults to whom they feel an attachment. By the late preschool years and early school years, sense of self comes to be additionally associated – positively or negatively – with attributes that parents value and model for their children in the way they live their lives. Over the school years, peer values and peer pressure come to play an increasingly influential role in how older children and young adolescents think about themselves. Sense-of-self identification is often associated with physical attributes (e.g., physical attractiveness), physical prowess (e.g., athletic accomplishments), or physical possessions during the elementary and middle school years."

http://www.projectlearnet.org/tutorials ... ntity.html

Reference: Ylvisaker M, Hibbard M, Feeney T. (2006). The Brain Injury Association of New York State.

If it's usually not possible to feel anything but yourself, then how do you know if you switch into something else?

My whole life I ignored these switches. I had no clue what was going on. Now that I know, if I question something, I simply have to ask an alter if that was them that did something.

So, in the end I don't really know if I have alters or not...I just have different states where I seem to be stuck involuntary without knowing.

States you have given names they are so distinct.

most of them are not communicating so they cannot really have their own names or sense of self.

I had to find a way to communicate with my alters. Sure they can come out and take over, but that did not help me knowing what is going on. Start with asking them to signal you in some way when you ask yes or no questions.

How to know if I'm integrated or not?

You would not feel dissociated, depersonalized, etc... You would have focus. Your mind would work fluently as one - together. You would not feel those horrible bursts of emotion that take over, etc...

Phobia

The phobia is avoiding trauma memories even though the alters without them do not even realize they are doing it.

It's not like they are listening.

Of course they are. They can hear you. You just need to show them how to communicate with you.

Are EPs usually those who express emotions, memories and behavior, but lack apparent functionality in life?

ANP can express emotion. EP is triggered by the emotion of their childhood events. For instance, you bf comes home late. EP might freak out and feel abandoned - taking over all rational thought of ANP.