Handlers / xes traffickers... MASSIVELY TRIGGERING

TRIGGER WARNING


hey guys, so those in our system were sold for Xes purposes (have to write that word backwards, sorry) at age seven and eight by some school officials. My problem is there are several xes slaves in here that were caused to split because of being sold. We have no contact with our handlers anymore but, the one xes slave (ella) thinks that she is still a slave and, although our entire system is asexual (without Xesual desires/celibate) she thinks she deserves to be hurt. I fear for her because I fear that when people try to hurt her still (which sometimes, we seem to be stalked by crazy Xes addicts) that she would just accept it and not try to fight.


Our system is fully Christian and we are going through healing the way we know best (with The Lord's help) but, this alter to be stuck in that place and often has flashbacks of her handler, joe. Joe paid 5,000 dollars for her, apparently, and she still thinks he is "master" as he called himself that. My question is... Are there other xes trafficking survivors (either kidnapped or held at places as slaves) and if there are, how have you helped those alters?

With safe love and hugs to all,

Clarke (main system protector)

Trigger warning.

I am the sacred whore, and at many turns I have walked that side of the street before. I have not seen that corner for many years, but I would walk it again. It is pain, but it is mine and I would have it so. Some things are written in stone. Perhaps she will break the bonds, but perhaps not. Some here have said it is abuse, but I ruled kings with my body. So it is. I think willingness would be the answer, but I have none to see it other ways.
Ell 

*Trigger Warning*

I was not a sex slave or anything, but I do whatever is asked of me. I tend to freeze and silently comply in sexual situations whether I want it or not (100% of the time I don't want it, I'm very asexual). I tend to believe it's all I'm good for, it's all anyone wants of me, and it's my obligation to provide people with what they want because they're better than me.

An incident actually happened a short time ago where I froze and things ended up happening. I don't know if it'd be helpful to you to read about it and what my system did in response, but here's the thread if you're interested: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic102079.html

I don't know if I can help, but I wanted to let you and Ella know that you're not alone in dealing with issues like this.

Here are a couple threads that might be helpful to you:
Anchors/Anti-Triggers: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic75378.html
Stopping Hurting Myself: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101170.html

Both of those threads can be found in the DDNOS/DID Resources thread here: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html, and there might be more helpful threads in there, but I could only think of these two off the top of my head.

Sorry if I wasn't much help.


~Luna

Dear Luna and Ell,
Deeply sorry what you have been through...truly unfair that our systems have been so misused. Ell, we cry for you indeed; we know how that feels.... When only we think we are good for one thing which is not true but struggles deeply inside. My heart goes out to you guys. Luna, we understand; we are asexual too but cannot fight, too triggering, too many perverts. Thank you guys for your help. I hope is ella wants to come out that she can find some hope.

Safe love to you,
Clarke.

***trigger warning***

i was never a slave, but i was made for sex. lame. i had to pose for pictures. i had to have sex when i was six with a man that smelt like booze. so i took it. i owned it. i became it. i slept with everyone i could because that was my only purpose. now i don't want to be like that anymore. and i'm just depressed, because i remember and have no one to talk to. what am i without sex? what am i without the pain and pleasure that comes from it? i've even had sex with an animal, how do i lie with that. nadia says i need to turn to the lord. how do i believe in a god?

~ Rachelle

Hi Rachelle, I'm Scared Little Girl Blue; Jesus is nice, He neveAr hurt u. He not like bad boy who hurt u. Did that bad man mak u split fer his purpus? I sori u hurt I b ur friend

Trigger warning!

do not cry for us... i do not think we have truly suffered in the sense that the ritual and the bedding has wounded the spirit... perhaps yes... yes it is wrong by the terms of the light... but this way of the light is a mystery... it is not our way... the acts were not always pleasant... sometimes we have screamed... at times for the pain or the pleasure... neither are so different... and it is thought that the best way to connect to the self is through a bed... or the sacrifice... these too are not so different... the past was as it must have been... we do not think it bad... some would say it was... those beyond the gates of ell are troubled by it... we are not.. for some this dance would be destructive... but we are at home in destruction... so there is suffering... but we take the suffering in stride... perhaps we have an abrahamic view of it... i am sorry if the past and the service has left you feeling discontent... anyway... i have said too much... night...
rat... (of ell...)

wronglesson wrote:***trigger warning***
what am i without sex? what am i without the pain and pleasure that comes from it? i've even had sex with an animal, how do i lie with that. nadia says i need to turn to the lord. how do i believe in a god?

~ Rachelle

*Trigger Warning, mentions of sex and religion*

You are free, that's what you are without sex. You're free to decide what you want to do, how you want to act, what YOU like and what YOU truly want. You're free to BE YOURSELF and focus on yourself and YOUR needs, YOUR wants, YOUR likes.

You've been living with it. Now comes the process of facing it, accepting it, processing it, and healing/moving on from it. If you're strong enough to survive this long and to live with it so far, you're strong enough to face this and eventually move on from this. Might not be easy, and it'll take time, but it's possible.

Believing in God is a personal choice, but one should remember- God is like a protector alter, or at least, that's how I think of Him (when/if I do think of Him). Just because He cares for you, loves you, and wants the best for you, doesn't mean He's always able to protect you. BUT He will always be there for you, to support and love you, to listen to you, and to forgive you of everything/anything.
(I think that's the longest I've spoken about religion in a while).


~Luna

Luna; it's probably because I'm here now we are ordained minister/s and have that affect on people. Just kidding about the effect thing but good word, indeed.
To ell, may I ask a question? Are you a sub system or are there several of you in an ell system? Or are you simply Ell? I am just wondering.

**trigger warning**
we accept the love we think we deserve.
With time, I hope the parts that have suffered through this will heal in knowing they deserve more. Without saying too much to trigger the others, I can say that we relate. I hope you and others will be able to show them love, caring and understanding on their path to freedom. Blessings, Leo.