Healing emotional wounds

Hi.

We have slooowly started to realize and see all the emotional wounds that have been caused to us! We realize world as it is...we realize our abusers will NEVER be perfect parents but that they are what they are: abusers and violent sadistic monsters.

I have heard that healing emotional wounds is the WORST and MOST PAINFUL part in healing yourself after trauma. I am Anger. I say hi to you all...

I remember things - bad things. My heart hurts... It hurts...

It hurts...it hurts...!!! It hurts! IT HURTS!!! MY HEART HURTS!!

Amily...

We carry heartache...it's BAD!!! It hurts so bad...

I'm sorry your heart hurts so bad. I know how it feels. Healing old wounds is hard, but it helps the heart hurt less. It's worth the effort because it saves a lifetime of pain. I wish you all the best in your journey of recovery, and I hope you feel better soon.
-Geoff

James9 wrote:I'm sorry your heart hurts so bad. I know how it feels. Healing old wounds is hard, but it helps the heart hurt less. It's worth the effort because it saves a lifetime of pain. I wish you all the best in your journey of recovery, and I hope you feel better soon.
-Geoff

Hi James9.

True! It hurts at first but then the pain reduces and is hopefully finally gone!

* * *

Has anyone else started the process to heal their emotional wounds? I feel so lost... We have gotten plenty of new parts with SUPER STRONG feelings and sometimes it's so tough to keep Anger from hurting or breaking anything. =/ I know we should TALK! But how to deal with THIS amount of pain in a constructive way!?

Maybe I'm too restricting... Maybe we should just listen to each other and cry all the pain away?

It hurts so bad...so bad... I want to shout out and be ANGRY!!!! I WANT TO HURT SOMETHING!!!! It f***ng hurts...it f***ng hurts... I need love...to heal this...I need, I NEED LOVE!!!

TOO MUCH!!! I FEEL TOO MUCH!!!!

*TIGHT COMFORTING HUG*

Listening to each other is always a good thing, but it's not always easy to do, so don't feel bad or as if you've done something wrong or something, 'cause you haven't. And having a good cry is needed once in a while. It's a healthy way to just let everything out. I like to think of it like rain washing away dirt, except it's our tears washing away personal "dirt".

Sometimes, things are overwhelming. That's when you gotta take a step back, take a deep breath, try to calm down a bit, and then start again but take smaller steps. Baby steps are still forward movement, they're still progress. And there's nothing wrong with having to take small steps. Sometimes, that's the only way it's possible to handle something. *Possibly triggering, talk of tattoos* Think of it like tattoos. People don't usually get a full sleeve done at once because it's just too much. It's possible to be done, but people don't usually do it, and for some it is too much (and that's perfectly ok). You have to do big tattoos in small chunks for it to be manageable. *End possible trigger*

I'm sorry this is such a tough time for you all, and I'm sorry you're hurting so much. *safe hugs to anyone who wants them* I know you're strong enough to get through this, though. One step at a time.
Hope you feel better soon.


~The Hawk

tomboy24 wrote:Listening to each other is always a good thing, but it's not always easy to do, so don't feel bad or as if you've done something wrong or something, 'cause you haven't. And having a good cry is needed once in a while. It's a healthy way to just let everything out. I like to think of it like rain washing away dirt, except it's our tears washing away personal "dirt".

Sometimes, things are overwhelming. That's when you gotta take a step back, take a deep breath, try to calm down a bit, and then start again but take smaller steps. Baby steps are still forward movement, they're still progress. And there's nothing wrong with having to take small steps. Sometimes, that's the only way it's possible to handle something. *Possibly triggering, talk of tattoos* Think of it like tattoos. People don't usually get a full sleeve done at once because it's just too much. It's possible to be done, but people don't usually do it, and for some it is too much (and that's perfectly ok). You have to do big tattoos in small chunks for it to be manageable. *End possible trigger*

I'm sorry this is such a tough time for you all, and I'm sorry you're hurting so much. *safe hugs to anyone who wants them* I know you're strong enough to get through this, though. One step at a time.
Hope you feel better soon.

~The Hawk

Hi Hawk! Thanks for reminding us of those precious 'first steps'! Some of us keep forgetting (or don't simply know) that small steps are the most important. Remembering that, therapy and overall dealing with the issues has already caused a tiny difference - not much but it's there. Like a teeny tiny flame in the dark...

* * *

WARNING: SH*TLOAD OF TRIGGERS!!!


For other news!

My name's AdameilZ! I am the leader of emotional parts and I'm a hardcore-goth. Bats, death, black metal, black make-up, being grim and sad - you got it. I love the colour black, the black romances etc. you get the sh*t, I'm sure... And I'm not EMO!!!

Actually I'm not THE leader but one of the important leaders. We came here because the other parts seemingly have finally learned how to defend their sorry *ss. >_> Took some time...! Bloody h*ll!!! Okay, it's not easy - I get it!! I'm just angry-person overall. <_<

I remember it so well...14 years of suffering was brushed away with ONE F***NG SENTENCE: Oh, that's just a teen angst! <heart> <heart> <heart>!!!

Teen...angst....?????

THAT B*TCH DESERVES TO DIE!!!!!!! WAS IT TEEN ANGST TO GET R*PED OVER AND OVER AGAIN BY OUR OH-SO-PERFECT-PSYCHOPATCHIC "PARENTS"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????? WAS IT!!!!!!??????????

I have a list of people I want to kill... I want to take SWEET BLOODY REVENGE!!!!!! Emotional wounds are b*tch and SH*T to heal!!!!!! I'll let those pieces of sh*tf*cks know what PAIN TRULY IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M THE QUEEN OF PAIN FOR F**KS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i believed it.... i believe that there's something very wrong in us... why would people otherwise talk to us like that and accuse us of s***nism, m*rder, d*ath and other terrible things...r*pe and such...? we are at fault... we are the guilty and miserable ones... *sob, sob*

we must die...we must correct our s*ns and leave this world in order to make it a better place... we are the ps**hopaths, we are the child ab*ers, we are the p***hiles, we are the m*rderers...

WE ARE - WE ARE - WE ARE - WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE ARE - WE ARE - WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have so much of me that is in denial. Honesty dont remember, but feel the pain, trauma, fear,etc. Then there are parts that seem flatly aware. Our emotionl parts try to swallow up all the feelings to protect the others.They are so overwhelmed that self harm is often chosen by them. I rarely see any emotion in our system, with the exception of Diane who is so angry yet has worked really hard to spare all of us the pains. Her tactics to help with emotion are not always healthy and she knows it. BUt she cares despite her rants. I think she took a lot of Sh*t from abusers. I guess i do see delight on the bright side of our system. Many are stuck in the past adn any hurt we get now trickels to them as if the past were replaying. We are sad with invisible tears and invisibe broken hearts. Frozen numb. Far too much hurt to absorb other than in small doses.
Tons of emotional pain this week. There were some present incidents that invaded us with extreme sharp pain.
So small doses and validation and allowing emotions out from under the rug.

Adameil wrote:WARNING: SH*TLOAD OF TRIGGERS!!!

For other news!

My name's AdameilZ! I am the leader of emotional parts and I'm a hardcore-goth. Bats, death, black metal, black make-up, being grim and sad - you got it. I love the colour black, the black romances etc. you get the sh*t, I'm sure... And I'm not EMO!!!

'Course you're not emo. Goth is not emo. And just because you like and/or wear black doesn't necessarily mean your emo (or Goth, for that matter).

Adameil wrote:Actually I'm not THE leader but one of the important leaders. We came here because the other parts seemingly have finally learned how to defend their sorry *ss. >_> Took some time...! Bloody h*ll!!! Okay, it's not easy - I get it!! I'm just angry-person overall. <_<

I remember it so well...14 years of suffering was brushed away with ONE F***NG SENTENCE: Oh, that's just a teen angst! <heart> <heart> <heart>!!!

Teen...angst....?????

THAT B*TCH DESERVES TO DIE!!!!!!! WAS IT TEEN ANGST TO GET R*PED OVER AND OVER AGAIN BY OUR OH-SO-PERFECT-PSYCHOPATCHIC "PARENTS"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????? WAS IT!!!!!!??????????

*Possibly triggering for possible angry comments*
Yeah, I understand that it's not easy, too, but I still get p*ssed off and impatient.

First of all, just so we understand each other, was the pink text simply a quote or was it another part? I know other parts use colored text so I just wanted to check. (Also, if it's another part, that'll add on to my response).

No, it most certainly was NOT teen angst, and if by "that b*tch" you're talking about an abuser or anyone who'd say that to you (EXCEPT for other parts), then yes, I'd agree, they certainly deserve to die. (EVERYONE who ever abused you deserves to die in my opinion ).

Adameil wrote:I have a list of people I want to kill... I want to take SWEET BLOODY REVENGE!!!!!! Emotional wounds are b*tch and SH*T to heal!!!!!! I'll let those pieces of sh*tf*cks know what PAIN TRULY IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M THE QUEEN OF PAIN FOR F**KS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I used to have a list like that. Still do in my head. Revenge is nice to think about at times. I know I'd never actually do it (at least not the killing or the physical revenge ), at least not for revenge, unless it was truly something that I thought was worth it no matter the consequences (including such things as jail). However if needed (such as to defend myself or others), I would f*#king rip someone's heart out in the blink of an eye. (Well, maybe. That depends on the situation. Ripping their heart out would be a rather quick death. I'd rather make them pay for their bullsh*t if I'm able to).

Adameil wrote:i believed it.... i believe that there's something very wrong in us... why would people otherwise talk to us like that and accuse us of s***nism, m*rder, d*ath and other terrible things...r*pe and such...? we are at fault... we are the guilty and miserable ones... *sob, sob*

There is NOTHING wrong with you, any of you. Those people that talk to you like that are LIARS. They are WRONG and you SHOULD NOT listen to them. They are MEAN, they are BAD, and they want to hurt you so they LIE. FORGET WHAT THEY SAID TO YOU, IT'S NOT TRUE.

THIS is the truth, so THIS is what you should remind yourself of:
You ARE NOT at fault for ANYTHING. This is all stuff that happened TO you or AROUND you, NOT because of you. Ok?
You SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR ANYTHING. The only thing you should be is hurt and angry, because YOU DID NOT DESERVE TO HAVE ANY OF THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.
YOU ARE A VICTIM. You are not at fault, you are not a criminal, you are not bad, and YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. Things happened TO you, things happened AROUND you, and you were a part of things but AS A VICTIM. Anything and everything you did was done in an attempt to PROTECT yourself and SURVIVE, and that is COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE and OK. You are not bad, and nothing is your fault. You are a victim, and you have done nothing wrong.

Adameil wrote:we must die...we must correct our s*ns and leave this world in order to make it a better place... we are the ps**hopaths, we are the child ab*ers, we are the p***hiles, we are the m*rderers...

WE ARE - WE ARE - WE ARE - WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE ARE - WE ARE - WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO.
You are WRONG.
You deserve to live, and you SHOULD live. And I want you to live. So you know that at least one person, one honest person who actually cares about you, wants you to live. There is NO REASON for you to die or deserve death.
We're all s*nners to some degress, but YOU ARE INNOCENT of the s*ns you claim to have made. YOU ARE A VICTIM, and you have done nothing wrong. You ARE NOT at fault or guilty of ANY of the things you've listed here.
You ARE NOT psychopaths, you ARE NOT child abusers, you ARE NOT p***philes, you ARE NOT m*rders. THE ONLY THING YOU ARE IS A VICTIM. You are not to blame for ANY OF THESE THINGS. You DID NOT DESERVE to be a victim of or be around ANY of these things. You ARE NOT AT FAULT for ANY of these things. And those that say otherwise are LIARS and they're WRONG and you need to IGNORE them and FORGET their LIES.

The world would NOT be a better place without you. It'd be a slightly worse place without you. Because it'd have one less actual good person in it.
*safe hug if wanted*


-KAT

Thanks for the super nice reply KAT.

**Triggers!!**

It's so HARD to remove those negatives thoughts and self loathing from the whole fr*aking system!!!!! The more we try to deal with it, the more we try to push it away, it only comes back 10 times stronger!!!!

I'm filled with hate and anger, wrath and violence at the moment. I know, intellectually, that all this anger is inside us because we were HURTED IN THE PAST!!! But emotionally I think that feeling hate is bad...that we are bad because we feel hate.

We were teached not to show any type of anger or such feelings towards our abusers...we just had to direct the anger into ourselves and to others on the outside. We often smash objects, destroy things, rip things - but we never show anger DIRECTLY TO THOSE WHO WE ARE ANGRY AT!!!!

IT IS SO HARD!!!!!!!! IT IS SO TOUGH!!!!!!! WHY DOESN'T IT EASE UP!!!!!!??????? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG BECAUSE WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE - WE JUST RUN STILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is it so HARD to understand THAT NOTHING WAS OUR FAULT!!!!!!! Just like you said: things happened around us and to us, but NOT BECAUSE OF US!!!!!!!!!!

I want to vomit this sh*t and poison out of my guts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F**K OFF!!!!!!!!!!!! F**K OFF POISON AND SELF LOATHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT IT DOESN'T GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT JUST SCREAMS TO MY EARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Parts that carry the self loathing words have made our days a living h*ll...they scream at us. They belittle us. WE. BELITTLE. OURSELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S F***NG SAD!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO HATE OURSELVES/MYSELF THIS MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO HATE MYSELF AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were perfect children back then...and then those f**ers came and RUINED US!!!!!!!!!! BETRAYED US, LOATHED US, HURT US, POISONED US!!!!!!! MADE US BELIEVE THAT WE'RE WORTH NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG IN US!!!!!!!!!!! WE WERE BORN PERFECT CHILDREN, NOTHING WAS WRONG IN US!!!!!!!!!!! Then those monsters came and painted OUR OWN CANVAS WITH HATE, SELF LOATHING, R*PES AND VIOLENCE!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS OUR CANVAS TO PAINT NOT ANYONE ELSE'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*GASP GASP*

We are not at fault... There is nothing wrong in us. We don't need fixing. We need healing.

*song lyrics*

I'm not afraid to fall
it means I climbed up high
To fall is not to fail
You fail when you don't try

Not afraid to fall
I might just learn to fly
And I will spread these wings of mine

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*edit-ed*

Each day she goes on is a day that she's brave
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way
Each moment of courage her own life she saves
When she heals her wounds up, a hero is made

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Possibly Triggering song lyrics*
Young

We are young!
But we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong
We don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

I see the children in the rain like the parade before the pain.
I see the love; I see the hate; I see this world that we can make!
I see the life I see the sky. Give it all to see you fly...
Yes! we wave this flag of hatred, but you're the ones who made it!!
Watch the beauty of all our lies passing right before my eyes.
I hear the hate in all your words all the wars to make us hurt
We get so sick, oh, so sick; we never wanted all this
Medication for the kids with no reason to live!

So we
March to the drums of the damned as we come
Watch it burn in the sun - we are numb!

We are young!
But we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong
But we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

As we walk among these shadows, in these streets, these fields of battle
Take it up, we wear the medal, raise your hands with burning candles.
Hear us whisper in the dark, in the rain you see the spark
Feel the beating of our hearts fleeting hope as we depart
All together, walk alone against all we've ever known
All we've ever really wanted was a place to call our home
But you take all we are; the innocence of our hearts.
Make us kneel before the altar as you tear us apart!

So we
March to the drums of the damned as we come
Watch it burn in the sun - we are numb!

We are young!
But we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong
But we don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

We will fight or we will fall
'til the *alters* save us all

We will fight or we will fall
'til the angels save us all

We will fight or we will fall
'til the angels save us all

We will fight or we will fall
'til the angels save us all...

We are young!
But we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong
We don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

We are young!
But we have heart
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong
We don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One Girl Revolution
I wear a disguise I'm just your average jane
the super doesn't stand for model
but that doesn't mean I'm plain
if all you see is how I look you missed the superchick within
and I christen you Titanic underestimate and swim

[Chorus]:
And I'll be everything
that I wanna be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot bang that you hear round the world

(And) I'm a one girl revolution

Some people see the revolution
but most only see the girl
I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world
I declare my independence from the critics and their stones
I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone

[Chorus]

(And) I'm a one girl revolution [x5]

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-h
i
g
h

5
?-


(A high-five is equivalent to a hug for/to Shay).

i

b
e
l
i
e
v
e

i
n

a
d
a
m
e
i
l



~s
h
a
y~