Host is sad

I'm like a carriage that was left beside the railway track.
Standing still in my own space.
All the other carriages were on the track and had lots of space.
They would get to go really fast because they had rails.
I don't have rails. I've just been cut off, stuck in the mud, all alone, apart from the others.
They'd forgot about me.

But now their coming on their track to pick me up.
I'll be added to all their carriages, and be included in them and become part of the track again.
They're coming to pick me up so I can be on their railway.
I'll have to leave my dirt patch behind and never see it again and be on a railway instead.
I won't be cut off any more. No more dirt, no more mud.
Good bye mud! Good bye dirt! Good bye ground!
Don't forget me. I'll miss you dirt, and I'll miss you mud.
I've never been on a rail track before

The train will be noisy,
And loud
And clean
What will I do in the clean!
Where will the mess be?
Don't like trains!

Yeh we got a place for you, we'll be side by side instead and you'll be inside now like us. It's good inside, it was bad on the outside. We got a place for you, we're not taking your place away from you. You're just moving nearer to us, from the outside and the front, to the middle with us. It'll be good. You won't be on your own anymore. Our rooms will be next to each others, and they'll be a house for us all, like 4 yr old and even baby's here and has her own place. We didn't abandon anyone. We'll just be all together, like a family you don't need to be afraid. We're together.
Come and live with us, there's plenty of room, you don't need to be on the outside, you can share a house with us and we can visit one another. Some like their rooms private, some are more accessible, but everyone has their space. We kept one for you, ready. It was here already before you even knew about it, we kept it ready for this time when you'd come to know about it. But we ain't gonna force ya, you can come when you're really ready. When you wanna say hello to baby you can, or if you wanna speak to me you can. Ain't no one gonna push ya. We love ya, cus your one of us, you came from us and are coming back to us now. It'll be good. Your not locked out anymore. You were locked out before, but were turning the key in the lock for ya. It's a good key, it won't get lost, I'll be turning it for ya, so that you can come and see us in our rooms soon, and come and see your own. It's us now. It's we now. Not just you. I know you thought it was just you. But it wasnt, we're here now, everybody, even baby.

And thanks Marie for your wisdom! And for correcting us. And teaching us about integration.
We didn't really know what integrate and merge meant until you explained. Wow, alters can really become one?! I wonder if that will ever happen to us. That sounds really powerful. we're just happy living by each other at the moment, getting our house sorted. I do a lot of the cleaning and checking and making sure the others are ok in their rooms. There's some changes goin on though. And some adjustments. Host is needing to adjust to us at the moment, and us to him, so we can share the house. Then we'll be happier once the adjustments have been made and the house will be bigger than before. New rooms and such. We'll be breaking out a bit, leaving some smaller spaces behind, some rooms may join some new rooms. Maybe we'll have an extension, maybe keep rage and fury in there, as we don't want them mixing with the little ones it will be bad if they get in with the little ones, so we'll keep those rooms apart. I might put my room between them for good measure and keep them safe. Might even put some bars on rages room if they need it and bars on furys if they should have them.
Thanks again for chatting Marie, we liked the information.

I figured that time for adjustment was all that was needed, mainly. And you're quite welcome, I'm glad that I was able to be helpful.

Yes, alters can really become one. That is the process of integration. It is a choice of healing, once viewed as the only choice, where all alters are joined/melded as one, to create the whole person they would have been if they had not split. They create one timeline, one memory line, one whole person with one personality. Of course, they do not disappear, they are all still there, but they're not as obvious since they're not separated anymore. Think of it like a puzzle. All alters, including hosts, are pieces to a whole puzzle; the whole puzzle being a whole person. Integration is when all of those puzzle pieces are not only put together, but glued together and framed, made into a permanent whole picture, a whole person. What you are currently working towards is the other choice of healing.

The other choice of healing is becoming a fully functional, smoothly-run system/team. Each alter sorts out their own troubles, such as if one alter as PTSD, they'd seek therapy for that, and each alter heals from their own wounds. Co-consciousness is achieved, and there is control over the system, such as switching at-will/on-command. Each alter works together to help the system achieve maximum functionality. This means that alters come to recognize their strengths and weaknesses; they handle situations that use their strengths, and they help those who are not as able to handle a situation (or they take over completely, whichever is best, depending on the situation).
This is what we are currently working towards, and seems to be what most people with DID desire.


I'm happy to hear that there's some positive adjustments going on, such as the changes to the living arrangements. I hope everything goes well. It can certainly be difficult trying to keep more exuberant alters under control without treating them differently (such as having room reinforcements). Hopefully, Rage and Fury do not mind.
Currently, I'm in charge of the recently-awoken Cassidy. She is rather unique, and I don't know if she will ever be able to freely mingle with the others on either level (we have 2). Right now, she stays in a house that looks exactly like our old house, and it's far away from the main part of the 2nd level. My room is in-between her house and the the other bedrooms in the main part of the 2nd level, so I can keep an eye on both Cassidy and the rest of the 2nd level.


I hope the adjustment goes well and that the host feels better soon. It was nice to meet you, M.

~Marie

Yeh, we've been drawing our house (I'm the artistic and helpful one)
We like our house. It's going well. We're developing rooms for each. (I've got quite a big room ) I'm opposite M's big room. We're only on one floor, guess its all we need. We don't have two floors. We have corridors though. Mine leads to the youngest ones rooms. Everything's exactly as it ought to be and no more. We get to stay in our separate rooms now if we like. I think we can each go out the house when we want, when we switch, we're comfortable doing that and feel a bit safer in doing so. M will see to it we don't stay out for too long for once though and we'll gradually build our time up.

We're looking forward to when host will come in properly, we made up her room, its not too big, not too small.

Oh wait, there's chaos in the system, we feel aggression rising, I think its rage and fury in their cages or something sinister. Maybe something from a cellar way down. Better go and be by M now. There's probably a lot beneath us still, thats rising up, but that we haven't found out yet. Great

Why...
Why do I seem to be 'fitting in' here...
That's not right..
'Gulp'
Why are there others around me..

My life's different,
I shouldn't be in a place like this..
I want out
Out of this system

If I could try and get away from the others
Run far far away
From the little ones
From the other parts

They don't need me
I'm just a spare part
I don't belong here
I'm me, my own

It's me, my own body
I don't want anyone else sharing it
It belongs to me
I'm host

I'm not a part
Not just a part
I'm whole
Those parts are not me

I know who I am
I know what I am