Speaking for the first time maybe?

hi

Hello, so i am not sure where to begin, i dont think that I am the right one to do this? Maybe i am. Who knows. I have been worrying that I am noyt able to speak now for some reason now. I had all of this stuff thought out and now i cant say a single ######6 thing and it is anoying as hell. Let me speak!

So i had ot help my Fiance out, sommthing i never can get to agree with. I feel like sometimes parts of me are angry because they did not get a choice in things. I am transgendered and I know that part of me is female but the male identified (who is using my old name which is kinda pissing me off). No one knows... Im basically just typing what comes ot my head as i think it for this post. The first time ni my life i have not re-edited anything i have written besides spelling and whatnot. My Fiance is hear or more Jenn's fiance is her and some of us dont like him. He is to rought with you.. we are scared for you. I know you like pain and are the anti-social one...that is why i am the other one the more happy adn energizer of us. I am the one who keeps us going when we are not awake anymore. How do you think we could monitor 2 internal (THIS IS NOT FOR OTHER PEOPLE SO PLEASE STOP SHOWBOATING)
how else do you think we did what we did back then. there is no way we could have (you) monitored ok i cant count wihtout my fingers so can i write it out. Yes... ok.

Sooo, Let me do this.

we monitored the fleet channel, internal channel, i cant remember anything else... i know i would listen to 6 channels at once sometimes. But that was easy and everyone else did it to at least i think they did. It was hard at first but we ( i want to say i) did it.

Wow, not sure what this is about but im going to post it. because i have no choice now.... I wish they did not boss me around so often.

Jennz wrote:Hello, so i am not sure where to begin, i dont think that I am the right one to do this? Maybe i am. Who knows. I have been worrying that I am noyt able to speak now for some reason now. I had all of this stuff thought out and now i cant say a single ######6 thing and it is anoying as hell. Let me speak!

So i had ot help my Fiance out, sommthing i never can get to agree with. I feel like sometimes parts of me are angry because they did not get a choice in things. I am transgendered and I know that part of me is female but the male identified (who is using my old name which is kinda pissing me off). No one knows... Im basically just typing what comes ot my head as i think it for this post. The first time ni my life i have not re-edited anything i have written besides spelling and whatnot. My Fiance is hear or more Jenn's fiance is her and some of us dont like him. He is to rought with you.. we are scared for you. I know you like pain and are the anti-social one...that is why i am the other one the more happy adn energizer of us. I am the one who keeps us going when we are not awake anymore. How do you think we could monitor 2 internal (THIS IS NOT FOR OTHER PEOPLE SO PLEASE STOP SHOWBOATING)
how else do you think we did what we did back then. there is no way we could have (you) monitored ok i cant count wihtout my fingers so can i write it out. Yes... ok.

Sooo, Let me do this.

we monitored the fleet channel, internal channel, i cant remember anything else... i know i would listen to 6 channels at once sometimes. But that was easy and everyone else did it to at least i think they did. It was hard at first but we ( i want to say i) did it.

Wow, not sure what this is about but im going to post it. because i have no choice now.... I wish they did not boss me around so often.

I remember writing this but i do not recall the emotions at least not at first. So i am worried about use and last night I cut my girlfiend at her request. I am worried about my job and what not. If i am going to do a emergnecy room pshych thing now it is now . I think it is a 48 hour right?? I just am not sure if I can get everyones permission, but not sure if that matters now. I dont know. Im going to go and not let anyone else know. I dont want you telling Dannhy or Lorelie. I dont want anybody else there, it will affect it(us). Maybe we shoudl if i say i want to go i need there support. I dont agree. I do however., Lets do this in a blog, no lets do it now. No bodey knows who we are and that is what is good about this. WE just need to do it and tell him and we can go now!!!!!

So i did not go to the ER last night. I think i came out of whatever i was in this morning. I was really worried i could not handle this until my appoint on the 10th of may. SO i think i may have just repressed everyone but more of a mutually benificial treaty. If we can hol dout until the 10th we can get real help and if we break down now we will be failures. I am not going to repeat my families mistakes again....

I was earlier rejecting everything, but when i smoe weed i accept them more and more. If is like that is the only time i can really talk with them. Maybe that is why i have never like anti-depressants they make everything quite and the hyper one is the more techy one.

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am sorry that it seems you are struggling with a lot at the moment. I think it is a really positive thing that you are all writing here, allowing each of the different parts opinions and voices to be heard here and not editing them out.

Did I read it right that you are going to see a therapist on the 10th of May? I think seeing a therapist may help you work through some things...

I am a bit concerned though that one part said that your fiance is rough with you. Are you safe?

salted lipstick wrote:Hello and welcome to the forum. I am sorry that it seems you are struggling with a lot at the moment. I think it is a really positive thing that you are all writing here, allowing each of the different parts opinions and voices to be heard here and not editing them out.

Did I read it right that you are going to see a therapist on the 10th of May? I think seeing a therapist may help you work through some things...

I am a bit concerned though that one part said that your fiance is rough with you. Are you safe?

So i typed a bunch of stuff out again and the page just reloaded itself for no reason again.