Should I Keep an Open Mind?

I think this topic is better for the NOS forum.

I'm not officially diagnosed with anything, I should say. I've just been researching on my own time when I am able to. I've been trying to get into a mental health program for a while, but it's hard to get anything back or to get anywhere with dissociative issues. There have been a number of roadblocks. It is still a priority of mine, but I have life matters that reluctantly come first.

I've been struggling with repressing my dissociation and the symptoms that come with it. Having and feeling other thoughts in my mind, other parts coming to front and speaking directly to me, I just ignore it blatantly and carry on as best as I can. This is how I've been living my entire life, although now I am trying to more obviously- devalue these things. To denounce the other thoughts and formations as real.

I do this because the concept of it terrifies me. At this point I am aware that I, at the very least, probably have dissociated parts. Would doing as I have be traumatic or even harmful for me as a whole?

I'm wondering if I should keep an open mind or try to be more patient and understanding with them, even if it scares me. To do that means somewhat to allow things to reach outside of my control. I don't know what to do frankly.
I am afraid that either option might harm me, but I don't know.
Any opinions or advice would help greatly, I appreciate every word.

I think it's good to keep an open mind. I think we're taught to fear anything thats seen as 'not normal' or 'not neurotypical' probably to keep us in line.

For us, whoever was our host at the time was taught to behave like everyone else in the outside world even though when we were younger we were clearly still connected to the inside and knew of others that came out when they got chance... (up to the age of about 18/19)

At some point an external host developed who was disconnected from the inside world so they had no awareness of the others. It didn't stop the others finding ways of influencing them or slipping out though throughout the rest of adult life even though the host had a busy life and no awareness the others were still inside and still slipping out. we didn't have the internet back then so our host had absolutely no idea a condition such as DID or OSDD existed!

I'm not sure of your age or whether your hosts physical body is male or female, but for us I think going through the peri menopause brought things to a point the others couldn't be denied. Looking back puberty was also the last time things were so chaotic on that front. The extreme mood swings of peri triggered the others back out, some having more extreme beliefs, some still trapped in the era of when they were last out. (80's).

I think we're thankful the pandemic was going on for the years they seemed the most disruptive because it meant we had to isolate ourselves, had a 'viable reason' (as far as the outside world was concerned) and so many switches went un-noticed by the outside world. It gave the others time to grow. opportunity to spend more time out and for us to 'get to know each other'.

I think our last host was more scared by it when we were one host totally unaware of the others so thinking all stuff like 'loss of time' could be something like dementia and being scared of being 'locked up' because the inside parts were scared to reveal themselves to the external host. I think this was the time the dissociation was the most harmful, not when we knew of each other and had connected and shared memories between us.

Even though some still see themselves as completely seperate they realise that if we put all our individual memories together (of the times they were out) they collectively make the memories of 'one persons life'

As with a lot of things, facing our fears can make them less scary.

I was blissfully unaware of a number of different parts of me because they largely share memories and experiences (though there are distinct parts that do not), and we come and go almost seamlessly, and I found that very upsetting. I felt like I was not in control of myself, and that these others were interfering and unwanted (despite understanding that they exist for a purpose, and are part of me).

I had the good fortune to be offered some guided meditation, part of which was to imagine a friend present in my mind, and I found myself in the company of one of these others in a setting where I was able to converse with him. It was something I'd never thought of doing myself, and a revelation. I found that although we hadn't usually noticed each other passing through, we don't completely share principles, objectives, motivations, or even a sense of humour. We are now much more mindful of each other's presence and are able to converse internally in a relaxed and understanding way.

I found that by literally befriending myself, all the relatively cohesive parts of me have a lot more time for each other, and no longer consider each other an irritation on a subconscious level, and are less resentful and intrusive. Their arrival has less impact on me in day to day life.

I don't know if this is something that might help you, but I have found it so soothing to be able to talk to the others as people I know and like, and they in turn are more agreeable in how they communicate with me.