by Snaga » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:04 pm
Hey- I've posted once or twice in DID, but after reading a bit online, I'm thinking OSDD, now- the lines are a bit blurry between alters:
Me- the Host, male, our physical age (older)
Samantha (get used to the S names), our primary Alt- she sometimes fronts. Samantha seems to be further broken up into several distinct components:
Samantha (obviously)- early 30s female with a well-defined self-image. She is a protector of sorts- I hand certain things off to her to help us de-stress, she doesn't care nearly as much as I do about things, is more carefree AND more sensible. She has a potty-mouth.
Sabrina- 14(ish) female- she fits somewhere in with Samantha in tossing memories we don't wish to deal with, back and forth, keeping them from me... since this is a OSDD situation (as far as I know, but if I had amnesia, would I necessarily know it?) I think they go thru some pretty complicated gymnastics. Sabrina has fronted a time or two, with bad results, and me and Samantha try to keep that from happening. Sabrina is a bit wild, and unpredictable, and terribly irresponsible when fronting.
Serena.... this is a newly discovered one- Female and the best way to describe it, is she's an 'old soul' who is young- it's as if she's still early twenties, but she was 18 in 1967- that's the impression I've gotten and it makes no sense- that's a good bit older than me, the host, if that is extrapolated to the Now. It's like she's older, but not.
Sam, Sabrina, and Serena are interconnected with each other, more than I am with them- it's like when Sam fronts, one of them will oftentimes 'piggyback' on Sam. Almost like alts of an alt, but that's not quite right, either. Just that they're less defined than the main, 'Sam'. If personalities could be viewed as folders, perhaps Sabrina and Serena are subfolders? Not sure how they feel about that- Sam is upset enough she doesn't have a body- when we contemplated OSDD rather than full DID, Samantha was downright upset at the idea of not being a completely independent alter.
Finally there's an unnamed, largely unknown male alter- who speaks gibberish and seems to have some important, yet secret (from me) role.
Anyway there- there's my self-perceived silliness laid bare. I often self-doubt, and am not dogmatic in the existence, or the denial of, my alts. I just take things as face value and retain an open mind. I've no clear idea why I should have alts, except my life has historically been very anxious and at various points I can see why there might be cause for some DD to go on.