I think I should be worried...tw maybe?

Hi So I don't know if I have a dissociative disorder...I've never been diagnosed. I have a terrible memory (can't remember being at home really until age 10) and have found literally hundreds of pages of stuff I don't remember writing. I also kind of have parts of me in my head that talk to me that believe different things than I do, but that might be normal idk. The part of me that usually drives is usually very rational and in control, but recently the balance has been upset. It's very confusing for me because based on my hospital records I am very emotionally troubled. But I don't feel emotionally troubled so it seems to me that I must be mismanaging something.

What I find most concerning is I am aware that I have at least two completely irrational and dangerous states of mind/sides. While there are parts of me I shield from the world, I shield the world from these two. They're crazy. One is delusional; it says my dreams are messages and I am supposed to die because the void is calling me and 22? (I know it sounds stupid and I don't understand how these beliefs are housed in the same brain as me). One is really angry and just wants to thrill kill (Which obviously I am also totally not okay with). Again Idk if I have a true dissociative disorder...I have no problem keeping them under control when the rest of me is okay, and even if I'm not I can keep myself from lashing outwards (I just compare it to my mother lol) but that doesn't really protect me. So I think I might die. Especially because I kinda almost died earlier this year when I slipped up. Yeah I don't know what's happening and I don't even know if this is the right place to post this, but advice would be much appreciated because I'm a bit out of my depth. I am in therapy but I haven't mentioned this because even in my head it sounds made-up and I don't need any more diagnoses. I have also been diagnosed as BPD (w/ PTSD) and I know that that can cause identity confusion so I'm not trying to accidentally malinger or anything.

I'm sorry no one has responded to your posts, but this forum doesn't get much traffic. From your description it sounds very likely that you have DID. It is very scary at first when you don't know what is happening, but it gets a little easier as you get to know your inner world. I suggest you go over to the DID forum where it is busier and you'll get more responses.